Saturday, July 16, 2016

song gets me every time

i started listening to Alanis Morissette in college at a friend's house, when i sang in the band as part of a Literature project.  after that, i got myself her Jagged Little Pill album.  it felt like she read all my diaries and ripped my heart apart and sang out loud what i could not.  she was my voice.  she was every young angry girl's voice.  that she and Ryan Reynolds got engaged gave me hope, it gave all of us hope.  we didn't have to be a cheerleader to get the guy.  so when they broke up, i became despondent.  it's an angry girl thing.

when i heard this song, i remembered how it was to get my Dad's approval.  that great affirmation that i was good enough.  up until the day he died and to this day, i feel like i've disappointed him and never lived up to his expectations as a daughter.  it's taking me a while for me to get over it. whenever i hear this song, i get taken back to that day i made him cry so much because i failed him:


Sometimes is never quite enough 
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love 
Don't forget to win first place 
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face 

Be a good boy 
Try a little harder 
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder 

How long before you screw it up 
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up 
With everything I do for you 
The least you can do is keep quiet 

Be a good girl 
You've gotta try a little harder 
That simply wasn't good enough 
To make us proud 

I'll live through you 
I'll make you what I never was 
If you're the best, then maybe so am I Compared to him compared to her 
I'm doing this for your own damn good You'll make up for what I blew 
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy 
Push a little farther now 
That wasn't fast enough 
To make us happy 
We'll love you just the way you are
 If you're perfect