Monday, July 18, 2016

Pauwi Na: leave no one behind as we go home

 photo Pauwi Na poster - 1st TOFARM Film Festival_zpslg70ihut.jpg

given the limited time i have because of my schedule, i swore that if i had to watch any movie from the ToFarm Film Festival, it would have to be Pauwi Na.

Pauwi Na is a film based on and inspired by an article published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer about a family going home to their province.  due to lack of funds, they had to travel via pedicab.

the movie reminds me of a story i learned in law school about a ditchdigger. a man walks up to him and asks him why he digs the ditch. his reply was, "i dig the ditch so i can earn money to buy food that will give me strength to dig the ditch".

of the family, Isabel is closest to Jesus.  she speaks to Him and sees all that He does to take care of their family in their journey.  Meryll Soriano is magnificent as Isabel.  I cannot imagine anybody else doing that character.  Cherrie Pie Picache reminded me so much of the lady who used to wash our clothes for us, even the way she smoked.  she portrayed the wife and mother having a hard time making ends meet but still has faith in her family.  she wasn't loud and irritating when she nagged JP for his indolence and his philandering or when Pepe kept coughing.  i couldn't get mad at Mang Pepe for what he did.  he had a family to feed and a grandchild on the way.  truly, life is never just black and white, good or bad.  Jerald Napoles and Chai Fonacier play their children, the grifter and cigarette vendor, respectively.  Chai plays Pina and she represents all those wide-eyed young women who wish for better life for themselves, by trying to get the attention of an older white man to save them.  JP is the thief who loves his wife Isabel but he cannot seem to help himself.  in one scene, JP says to Isabel what every woman who has fallen in love with the wrong man dreams of hearing and while the line has been overused, given the circumstances by which JP utters them, still makes it effective.  Jerald, who has garnered fame as a comedic actor through the musical Rak of Aegis, proves in this film how talented he is.  Jesus Mendoza plays Jesus Christ (yes, that's his name), Isabel's  guide and savior.  he portrays a merciful and truthful Son of God, as He guides Isabel and her family in their journey home. his Christ reminds us that His Father helps those who help themselves.  while we think God has abandoned us, he shows us that there is a day of reckoning for everyone.

 photo pauwi na_zpsoqepqiao.jpg

this movie made me cry so much.  it made me realize how fortunate i am and how there are so many things i have in my life that i take for granted.  this family made the most of what they had and they looked after each other the only way they knew how.  at the end, you respect them for the choices they made for their family. they made several sacrifices on the way but you love them anyway because you know that you would do the same for your family.  truthfully, what the Filipino family is all about.  

*i do not own any of the photos.  both are courtesy of Paolo Villaluna, director of the movie Pauwi Na.  

Saturday, July 16, 2016

song gets me every time

i started listening to Alanis Morissette in college at a friend's house, when i sang in the band as part of a Literature project.  after that, i got myself her Jagged Little Pill album.  it felt like she read all my diaries and ripped my heart apart and sang out loud what i could not.  she was my voice.  she was every young angry girl's voice.  that she and Ryan Reynolds got engaged gave me hope, it gave all of us hope.  we didn't have to be a cheerleader to get the guy.  so when they broke up, i became despondent.  it's an angry girl thing.

when i heard this song, i remembered how it was to get my Dad's approval.  that great affirmation that i was good enough.  up until the day he died and to this day, i feel like i've disappointed him and never lived up to his expectations as a daughter.  it's taking me a while for me to get over it. whenever i hear this song, i get taken back to that day i made him cry so much because i failed him:


Sometimes is never quite enough 
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love 
Don't forget to win first place 
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face 

Be a good boy 
Try a little harder 
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder 

How long before you screw it up 
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up 
With everything I do for you 
The least you can do is keep quiet 

Be a good girl 
You've gotta try a little harder 
That simply wasn't good enough 
To make us proud 

I'll live through you 
I'll make you what I never was 
If you're the best, then maybe so am I Compared to him compared to her 
I'm doing this for your own damn good You'll make up for what I blew 
What's the problem...why are you crying

Be a good boy 
Push a little farther now 
That wasn't fast enough 
To make us happy 
We'll love you just the way you are
 If you're perfect

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

he said his name was "Jay"

i think the guy just hit on me.

every day, on the way to work, i ride a van to get to the train station.  i usually pay for two when i sit up front so i can surf the net while listening to music or doze off.  there's usually slow, heavy traffic anyway. i did the same thing today.  then the driver started talking to me.  i didn't really want to engage in small talk but i didn't want to be rude.  we were alone in the vehicle for about a good twenty minutes before the next passenger boarded.  i had hoped he would stop asking more questions and opening up as more passengers came in but he didn't.

he's single but he has two kids.  he's thirty-five.  he doesn't own the vehicle he's driving.  he used to drive for Uber too.  he likes riding motorcycles.  he used to play basketball in my subdivision's court.  he likes to sleep in the afternoon. he enjoys the idea of being single although he gets lonely sometimes.  and while he says he's open, he referred to gay people as, "people like them".  that's how he asked if i was, given i was still single at my age, and i wasn't exactly in the mood to explain what i am.  if i did, i would have to explain the difference and i didn't want to go there.

people often say that one good way to find a life partner was making them undergo the "traffic test".  it's when you pass the time during a traffic jam talking about a variety of topics and gauge how the other person is similar or different from you, depending on how they respond to certain issues.

i am not actively looking for a life partner.  not anymore, anyway.  and even if i was, i'm too shut down to let anybody in.  you would have to be really brilliant or awesome for me to break down my walls.  if anything, the whole conversation made me uncomfortable.  i don't go around sharing valuable information about my life to random strangers, given how paranoid i've become. i think that means he didn't make the cut.  besides, i've known too many drivers in my lifetime to know that they all lie about their civil status.  we all know how i hate complications like that.

talking to him did remind me of AYM a bit.  he was fairly attractive, after all, just not my type.  he was pretty confident about flirting with me and had i been the young, idiotic and naive girl so eager to fall in love that i was before, it might've worked.  now it's just a story i write about.