Friday, February 26, 2016

angry girl journal 02.26.2016

i'm feeling quite emotional while lining up to pay for the house debt.  my heart is pounding and i'm not sure if it's because i finally get to pay it after all these years or because i haven't slept since yesterday coming from work.

i was going to drop by the office to check my mail.  it doesn't just pay the bills, after all.  it keeps me occupied, makes me feel less alone.

it feels so heavy, i can't stop crying.  had to look for a corner to compose myself.  i don't even know why i'm crying!

of course i got distracted by the two Brit guys who walked passed me.

and then i got lost trying to follow the tall, hot European lady that i forget where the way to the train is supposed to be.

i probably do need a doctor.  and i don't mean David Tennant or Matt Smith.

the house is an anchor that has kept me in one place for all this time.  so much has happened to me, so many things, all painful, that i'm only just starting to work on fixing my life.  i got so preoccupied with getting angry and trying to help people fix their own mess that i forgot to take care of myself.  that everything is starting to fall into place towards what's good for me,  what's best for me, is exhilarating to the point that i am in tears.

there are good things that have happened in that house, but they're not enough to cover all the bad.  it is time i left all that's bad.  slowly but surely to whatever is good for me.