Friday, February 26, 2016

angry girl journal 02.26.2016

i'm feeling quite emotional while lining up to pay for the house debt.  my heart is pounding and i'm not sure if it's because i finally get to pay it after all these years or because i haven't slept since yesterday coming from work.

i was going to drop by the office to check my mail.  it doesn't just pay the bills, after all.  it keeps me occupied, makes me feel less alone.

it feels so heavy, i can't stop crying.  had to look for a corner to compose myself.  i don't even know why i'm crying!

of course i got distracted by the two Brit guys who walked passed me.

and then i got lost trying to follow the tall, hot European lady that i forget where the way to the train is supposed to be.

i probably do need a doctor.  and i don't mean David Tennant or Matt Smith.

the house is an anchor that has kept me in one place for all this time.  so much has happened to me, so many things, all painful, that i'm only just starting to work on fixing my life.  i got so preoccupied with getting angry and trying to help people fix their own mess that i forgot to take care of myself.  that everything is starting to fall into place towards what's good for me,  what's best for me, is exhilarating to the point that i am in tears.

there are good things that have happened in that house, but they're not enough to cover all the bad.  it is time i left all that's bad.  slowly but surely to whatever is good for me.


Monday, February 22, 2016

every nerd's imaginary boyfriend

when David Tennant announced that he was leaving Doctor Who, a lot of people were crushed.

that's because they never expected to fall in love with Matt Smith.

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i obviously came in late in the Elevenwagon.  i've been crushing on Matt only very recently.

because David Tennant is married.

i don't have much to say, i'll let that picture of Matt speak for itself right there.  

Saturday, February 20, 2016

3D: Danao, Dancel, Dumas

i rarely get to watch any gigs now, so when i saw this, and that i had carry over leaves i could not convert to cash, i asked Chris if he would go with me to see it.

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that these three are all talented men with guitars is an understatement.  each one is unique in terms of their songwriting and each one of them will cut you so deep you never know if you can recover. with  all of these songs, you might want to kill yourself.

i only know one of Johnoy's songs, "Ikaw at Ako",  used for the indie movie Kasal.  the movie was about an independent film director who cheated on his lawyer-boyfriend.  while they stay together, it's one of those things they never really stop fighting about.  the song gets played at the right moment, that whether you are the cheating director or the closet lawyer who was cheated upon, you would want to get the first pointed object that you find and cut yourself.  his other songs are equally good and sad but some are hopeful plus the guitar-playing is admirable.

i first saw Bullet Dumas perform on the farewell show of Cynthia Alexander four years ago.  i thought he was, is a great storyteller, not to mention a very fierce guitar player.  whether singing in Filipino or in English, the themes are catchy and unpredictable and in between songs, he will say something humorous.  he is neither awkward or arrogant, and he will slowly touch your heart without you noticing.  i'm probably even crushing on him.

of course, i have been a fan of Ebe Dancel for as long as i can remember.  i was, still am, a big fan of his former band, Sugarfree and i even went as far as exchanging emails with Ebe not too long ago. i adore him.  his songwriting is impeccable and the way he performs each and every song is so powerful.  he is truly a great artist.

i came out of that concert alive and i look forward to see more of them.  even if it kills me.

***

Ebe Dancel had spoken about his depression publicly and i thought it was so brave of him to come forward and encourage everyone, anyone, who is afraid to seek help, or someone who might know someone who needs help, not to take depression lightly.  truly, he knows there is pain and he is channeling all that pain to good use, so that simply by writing and singing these songs, he touches our lives, and maybe, gives us hope too.

i hope performing in front of all of us was a blessing to you, Ebe.  i know, seeing you and listening to you, not just to your songs, but to your story, gave me strength. thank you.  i needed that.  

Friday, February 19, 2016

weekend love forecasts

i don't believe in signs.  or horoscopes.  as much as possible i don't let anything get in the way of how the day will go.  when you think that the day will go a certain way, you take away your power to change it.  so i don't rely on fortune-telling so much.  you make your own fortune.  you change your stars.

every so often though, or every Friday, at least, i try to check them out for the hell of it.  it amuses me to a certain degree.  they're not always, not ever right.  but you hope sometimes.  and this is what i have for this weekend:

Virgo Weekend Love Forecast:
You're so down-to-earth; you almost long to be mentally led astray by someone distracting enough to throw you for that kind of loop.

***

are you strong enough to be my man?

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you never know if they will ever come through, come true, right?  

smn

you see me
you say, "hi"
you walk away
and you leave a dent in me every time you do