Monday, December 28, 2015

fathers honored

this song was used for the original soundtrack of the movie, Honor Thy Father.  written by Gary Perez and originally performed by Sampaguita, 


Tulad ng isang ibon
Tao ay lumilipad
Pangarap ang tanging nais
Na marating at matupad

Isip ay nalilito
Pag nakakakita ng bago
Lahat ng bagay sa mundo
Ay isang malaking tukso

Bakit pa luluha
Bakit maghihirap
Ayaw mang mangyari
Ay di masasabi

Sasaktan mo lamang
Puso ay huwag sugatan
Ito'y laro lamang
Sa mundong makasalanan

Tubig ay natutuyo
Bulaklak ay nalalanta
Araw ay limilipas
Sa kadilim ang punta

Sasaktan mo lamang
Puso ay huwag sugatan
Ito'y laro lamang
Sa mundong makasalanan

Tulad ng isang ibon
Tao rin ay mamamatay
Pangarap niyang tanging nais
Makarating sa kabilang buhay

that moment when you see John Lloyd Cruz give it everything and at the same time he loses everything, you hear a guitar strumming and Armi Millare's haunting voice starts to sing as he drives away.  Erwin Romulo just had to make her sing it.  

my father used to sing this song to me.  Honor Thy Father is a film about a desperate man's attempts to keep his family together.  of course, i cried.  go figure.  

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Honor Thy Filmfest

for so many years, the Metro Manila Film Festival has been serving us with garbage every Christmas, with a few exceptional films every now and then.  we are rarely given an opportunity to see a film that challenges us to think, and feel.  Honor Thy Father is one of those films and i have been  forward to seeing it.  sadly, it has been disqualified from the Best Picture category. to think that MMFF used to give us films like this before. it still does, actually, but the New Wave category only had a short barely noticed run. now it is only focused on the amount of money the festival can make.

i do not wish to take away the hard work that was put into making the other films and we should support them, too. i only hope that we can support game changers like Honor Thy Father. John Lloyd Cruz is a great actor.  you all loved him as Popoy, but here he has done so much more and is someone different than just the boy-next-door.

please see Honor Thy Father and spread the word.

Monday, December 21, 2015

angry girl journal 12.21.2015

"oh bels, i'm so sorry.  i know you're not feeling okay right now but can we please just talk about me?"

Sunday, December 20, 2015

NCIS: tiva forever

a couple of years ago, i was devastated to find out that one of my favorite tv couples were breaking up.  Cote de Pablo, the actress who plays Ziva, was leaving NCIS after seven years.

seeing that i was going to have a long holiday, i went back and caught up on episodes of NCIS up to the point of this moment, when Tony was convincing Ziva to come back to DC with him to start a new life.

without breaking Rule#12!

 photo tiva1_zpsexiu7pdl.jpg

it breaks my heart that after all that time, knowing what they know and how they feel about each other, that things had to be that way.  after her father's death, Ziva went out to find herself and was not proud of the person she has become, and yet, Tony has loved her just the same.  we did see in Truth or Consequences (season 7, episode 1) a very honest Tony, telling Ziva that he went all but hell and back of Somalia to find her because, "I couldn't live without you, I guess."  while Tony and Ziva never spoke of their feelings, it is in the Past, Present and Future, where all is felt and determined.

while Ziva's character has already left the show, it has left a dent in Tony's life, as he keeps dating and dating to find someone that might be like Ziva and he fails; much like Gibbs keeps looking for Shannon in all his other ex-wives.  there's still a chance that Ziva might come back, or Tony might leave NCIS and follow her.  you never know.  love that strong definitely deserves a happy ending.  Tony and Ziva are not done yet.  just you wait!

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Paa: interesting look into dancing and literature

 photo 2 left feet poster_zpskfdqtptf.jpg

Marlon has a crush on his college Literature professor, Karen, but cannot seem to grasp the concepts in class.  he stalks her and finds out she moonlights as a choreographer and dance teacher.  in order to impress her, he enrolls in her class, but not before he asks one of his classmates, Dennis, to tutor him with the steps.  he and Dennis become friends and he does become a good dancer, good enough to impress Karen, until she finds out what Marlon has been up to.

it seems like a weird love triangle, but the film is much deeper than that.  featuring the poetry of Merlinda Bobis, Ruth Elynia Mabanglo, Joi Barrios, Rebecca Anonuevo, Benilda Santos and Ophelia Dimalanta, it shows what it is like to become a feminist in a third-world country.  not easy still, given that majority of the population still live under a rock.  Karen is focused on her art, and oblivious to Marlon's feelings, but very much aware of the tension happening between him and Dennis.  she sets them up to be leads in her production after she receives a grant.  this allows them to make peace and understand better the meaning behind the words they are to interpret as dance.

sometimes, what we think to be vague is just right in front of us; we are just too blind to see, and therefore, it hinders our ability to understand.  at the end of the dance, Marlon realizes.

Friday, December 18, 2015

TOTO: the American dream, whatever it takes

 photo toto poster_zpsukxjzjbt.jpg

Toto hails from Tacloban, a city badly damaged by the typhoon Yolanda.  his mother has cancer and in order to support her and his other siblings, he works as a hotel room boy in Manila.  he dreams of going to America to work so that he can support his family. his father made it to Las Vegas to become a stage act and promised to petition the rest of the family but he only ended up as a dishwasher who drank and gambled away everything.   he hopes to one day succeed where his father has failed and he will do whatever it takes to fulfill his dream.

Toto makes one last attempt to get to America but gets scammed and ends up owing a lot of people money and hurting people's feelings.  one of the hotel guests becomes a friend of Toto's and gives him an opportunity to work in the US legally and fulfill his dreams.

despite its light nature, the movie reminds us the value of hard work and the importance of family.  it also shows us, sadly, that there will always be bad people out there who will take advantage of you and make you lose hope but at the end of the day, nothing beats an honest man's hard work.  

Thursday, December 10, 2015

angry girl journal 12.10.2015

i still don't know how or why i've become so sad.  it's still something i'm trying to figure out and overcome because it is already getting in the way of my work.  i just feel so alone right now.

the problem with talking to people who already know who you are, how you are, is that they do tend to think you might just be acting.  because they know how strong you are, they know that you will get over it eventually and they won't even bother to make the effort to try to hear you out or cheer you up because you can make it.  it's sad when you can't rely on anyone but yourself and the people around you leave you to your tendencies.

but what if i run out of ties?  what if i can't snap out of it?  what if cutting myself suddenly becomes a great, lingering idea i can't get out of my weary head?  of course i don't think so, that's why i don't do it anymore, because i know better.  but don't they think i get tired of crying all the time?

it's not like i'm not trying here.  i am.  i really am.  i'm doing my best to focus on work.  it's hard when all i feel like doing is cry all the time.  work is the only think i have other than my faith that is constant.  my faith hasn't waned, but that i cannot focus on work because the sadness takes over, is really hard for me.

i know not everyone can be there for everyone all the time.  but i try.  i can.  i am.  most days.  so how come no one is here for me? 

Friday, December 04, 2015

it was a great ride, Scott.

every time i'm falling down
all alone, i fall to pieces

she doesn't know her name
she doesn't know her face
let them be

time to take a ride
it leaves today no conversation
time to wait too long
these conversations kill

what would you do?
what would you do if I followed you?
what would you do if I follow?

all of these things you said to me.

good night, Scott Weiland.

You're The Worst: the fifth character

don't look now but it appears that the real stars of this show are Becca and Vernon.  i swear, everything in the show revolves around them:  the Pilot episode starts in their wedding, and the season 1 finale features them announcing their pregnancy.  it's confusing if you didn't know any better.  the funny thing about it is that Becca and Vernon both know that inviting Jimmy and Gretchen will be a disaster, but they always seem to be in the guest list anyway.

season 2 of You're The Worst brings us our favorite toxic couple, Jimmy and Gretchen, and the dynamics of their relationship when they start living together following the burning of Gretchen's apartment.  here we see the two of them try hard to make everything exciting and fun.  we also see Edgar evolve as he discovers his talent for improv and Lindsay "coping" with her separation with Paul.  then we get introduced to a fifth character, as described by Chris Geere.  and i am not talking about Amy, Paul's girlfriend, or Dorothy, Edgar's girlfriend, or Nina, the hot bar owner.  somewhere within the second season we find out about Gretchen's depression and how she tries desperately to keep it together.  it has gotten so bad that it is affecting her work and her relationship with Jimmy and their friends.

relationships are hard.  it's why Gretchen is scared of having them and Jimmy doesn't believe in them anymore; and yet they find themselves drawn to each other, taking the leap together to see how far it will go. Slothrust singing 7:30AM ("I'm gonna leave you anyway, I'm gonna leave you anyway, I'm gonna leave you anyway . . .")  at the opening credits doesn't help their cause towards happily ever after but we all wish for it just the same.  Gretchen tries to conceal her depression from Jimmy and then tries to push him away.  Jimmy tries to "fix her" and fails miserably until he gives up and gets tempted to take the easy way out by kissing and almost running away with Nina.   as spectators, you want them to stay together because no matter how rotten they are as people, they actually make sense and give us the hope that relationships, even that of the most disturbed or absurd or wretched or flawed people, can actually work.  but then they've gotten so far apart because of this fifth character and you don't think either of them can still emerged from all the hurtful things said and done.

and then this:

 photo ytw_zpsdcl0wwhu.jpg there is hope for the rest of us, people.

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

dream lover

a couple of years ago, i dreamt about a guy and me boarding a bus.  he was holding my hand and his other arm was around me.  we were cuddling in the bus.  i couldn't see his face though.  for all i know, i could've been a "her".  i could only see that the person seemed younger than me and that he/she had fair complexion.

this morning (or afternoon - it's hard to tell, with this body clock and my work hours) when i woke up, i remember a guy (we're sure this time)  driving me around while i was asleep.  when i awoke, i put my hand over his as he drove.  he said he didn't want to bother me while i was sleeping.  he held my hand and kissed my forehead when he knew i had awakened.  still i didn't see his face, only that like my bus buddy, he seemed younger than i was.  

i am really getting curious as to who this man, of my dreams, literally, is.  i keep wondering if i'll ever know him.  

any moment now?

angry girl journal 12.01.2015

nobody knows the trouble i've seen.

16 Reasons Being A Canadian Lesbian Is Such A Struggle

nobody knows my sorrow.

For Everyone Who's Actually Still In Love With "Love Actually"