Sunday, September 20, 2015

because Tita is bi

my cousin is worried about my niece.  i'm not. i have been monitoring her for a while.  if you can call it that.  my niece/goddaughter is showing tendencies. i personally am not alarmed.  i think it's great that she is open to diversity.

i truly understand my cousin's concerns.  she fell in love and married with the first man in her life and even with the time they spent together, their relationship fell apart.  she's had a rough path with only my niece to keep her going and be the better mother she wasn't before. she wants me to have this conversation with my niece because i'm a spinster (haha) and while we don't talk about it, they know that i swing that way.  or they think i do because i hang out with people from the community.  you know, that community.

i love my niece.  i worry about her constantly.  i would like to take care of her, give her guidance and be there for her but i don't think i can replace my cousin.  i don't think i will be such a hot parent.  but i do know i can be a great buddy to her.  especially if she does eventually swing that way.  i mean, it's not easy, this lifestyle, and i have mixed emotions as to what type of choices she might make.  this is not just a fad, after all, and i don't want her to think that she has to be that way just because. i want her to be true to what she is and i want her to be happy with her choices, because they will define her.

it's a big responsibility, i realize, when people look up to you.  i've always been wary of my actions, i've always tried to do what i think is right.  but it's different now, when somebody else is watching and you don't want to be a bad example to them.  you want to be a better version of yourself because you have someone else relying on you and you don't want to let them down.

i don't want to let my niece down.  i want her to be happy.  she will stumble and fall.  she will make mistakes and get hurt.  but i want her to be proud of who she is, and respect others and be happy for whatever. i know i am.