Friday, July 03, 2015

imaginary conversations with you, about you

you have been crossing my mind lately, but like him, you are a dream.  something that will never ever happen to me, but puts a smile on my face when i think about it.  we all have our fantasies, to keep us distracted when life gets too stressful.  it can be healthy.

K:  (referring to A) so did he meet the age requirement?

Bels: who what? no! i mean, he probably does.  i don't know, we're not.

K: i can see the way he looks at you.  i can tell.

B: you can tell that he meets the age requirement?

K: (a little irritated now) i can tell he likes you.  maybe even more than like -

B: you can tell that from his age?

K: wag ka nga! i know you like him, too.  you liked me too, you just have this stupid rule!

B:  well, it's not a stupid rule. i liked YOU too, i still like you and you know perfectly well why i don't like you the way you want me to.

K: and why is that?

B: because you're already in a perfect relationship, a great relationship and i'm . . . i don't do that.

K:  do what?

B:  i don't ruin relationships. the way he is also in a relationship.  he and i, we're just friends

K: hindi ako naniniwala na friends lang kayo

B: yes! he and i are just friends, you are my friend. you are all my friends because i am a very friendly person.

K: so na-try na rin niyang maging "friend" mo?

B: i'm not answering that . . .

K: i don't understand you

B: then understand a person who's been hurt so many times that she's built a wall around herself and won't let anyone in.  understand that she's been through so many bad things that she can't see a good thing even when it's right in front of her

K: you're going to miss out on a lot . . .

B:  believe me, i know

A: hey, what's up, K?

K:  eto, inaasar ko lang si bels.  pikon eh hehehe

A: oo, pikon talaga yan

B:  mas pikon ka kaya.

K:  sige, p're.  dun muna ko (leaves)

A: ano yun?

B: he asked if you and i were sleeping together.

A: ano'ng sinagot mo?

B:  sabi ko friends tayo

A:  why did you tell him we were just friends?

B:  because i don't know what we are other than that (with matching walk out)

A:  hey, hey, hey, i thought you said you didn't believe in labels?  you were the one who didn't want a definition to what this is - 

B:  i did.  that's why we're putting a lid on it because i don't want to talk about it anymore. 

A: did he try to be "friends" with you?

B: no

A:  no, you didn't sleep together or no, you did but you just don't want to tell me?

B: no, as in, no.  i won't answer that.  what is it to you anyway? 

A:  huuy, okay ka lang ba?  okay ba tayo?

B:  okay lang tayo, anuber?  

A:  kasi pwede naman nating i-define, ikaw lang eh

B:  we're not having that conversation. 

A:  will we ever? (your turn to walk out)

we can turn this into an indie film, starring you and some girl.  i think we can talk about you and me in it.  how you and i could be together, the unlikely couple that we are.  how i never want to believe it could possibly happen to me because so many things have already happened that made me feel like i don't deserve to be loved, especially by someone like you, but that you found me anyway, and we're together.

that'll be the day.