Tuesday, May 05, 2015

would you really date a spinster?

i was reading this article/interview with you published two years ago on your birthday and you stated there that your favorite fantasy was having a cougar lover.  that made me laugh so hard i almost shot water out of my nose.  that was so funny on so many levels but i will narrow it down to three things:

1) i AM older than you.  i was approaching third grade when you were born;

2) you did star in a movie as an internet scammer luring and seducing an old maid into giving you all her money (ah, but you fell in love with her in the end! much like all the guys in my life who turned me down, they seem to want me when i'm no longer interested);

3)  i've always pictured our first meeting to be one where in order to hide my initial intimidation of people taller than me (but Bels, everyone IS taller than you), i would introduce myself as, "ako nga pala si Bels, malungkot na matandang dalagang naghahanap ng paglilibangan!"*

so, when are we going out so i can make a futile attempt to fulfill your fantasy and i can finally live out mine? i do have a nice ass and it manages to stick out even when i don't want it to so there's no need to flaunt it.  i promise not to be freaked out if you stare.  i think.

*by the way, my name is Bels and i'm a sad old maid looking for a good time.