Thursday, May 14, 2015

angry girl journal 05.14.15

there's something about married ex-fubus. they don't like you, obviously, that's why they went ahead and married someone else. but why does it still matter how you feel about them? did they expect you to wait on them forever? really, Jade? just because i'm still single, it doesn't mean i'm holding out for you, or Link, or Alex, you know.

have you been drinking again?

there is nothing to talk about.  i am sooo over you.  if i compliment you, Jade, it's because we really cannot deny the fact that you are talented and much of the eighties music i listen to comes from the education you gave me.  but that doesn't mean that i am waiting on you or that i am still hoping that you would leave your wife for me.  God, no.  i don't even want to talk about what happened between us. it did not transpire.

i repeat, it did not transpire. did not happen. forever gone from memory. erased.  forgotten.

think happy thoughts.

what are you even afraid of? i don't know what you're worried about:  the possibility that i might open my mouth and tell your wife that something happened between us not so long ago or the possibility that you will give in, that you won't be able to stop yourself when the opportunity presents itself.  kinda when Link really had to be with me and do it even when i already made all sorts of excuses for us not to;  or when Alex still keeps messaging me about leaving his wife when i keep telling him he won't.  and what about that younger married guy? sure, we never consummated anything, but he still wants me because i'm one of the big what-ifs of his life.  and mind you, all this is happening without any effort on my part whatsoever.

there are times when i wish that i will find someone so hot, so smart, so loving, so attractive, so talented, more talented than you, just to slap it in your face that i found someone way better, because you, all of you,  keep thinking the reason i'm still single is because i'm holding out for you.  excuse me?

my parents didn't toil all those years and beat me up when i was a deviant just so i can become someone's paramour.  sure, there were instances when the flesh took over and the mind blanked out but those were very few.  and hello? i am very discreet.  you couldn't tell that i was sleeping with Link had i not told you about it, because at the time i still considered you a friend.  people won't be able to know just by body language alone that you slept with me.  unless you come off as this awkward, uncomfortable defensive dude who doesn't know how to act around me.  am i right? oh, and even if i blog about the people i have been with, how many people's names start with M, E and A do you know? how many people use Link, Jade or Alex as an alias? okay, maybe Alex isn't an alias, but chances are, if you google that name, this blog is the last thing that's going to come up in your search.

so again, I BEG YOU, get over yourself.