Sunday, January 18, 2015

my faith IS waterproof, apparently, and so am i

i had my transparent backpack, my disposable raincoat (umbrellas weren't allowed for security reasons but oh, the number of umbrellas that went up during the rain - this is the reason we're still a developing country, people. the "discipline" and the corruption ugh), my baseball cap, my shirts and my picnic mat.  up until the time i left the house, until the time i got there, i would say that there were so many times i wanted to leave.  i mean, i wanted to but somehow i kept resisting.  i really didn't think i would go.

but i did.

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photo courtesy of

yes, i'm in there somewhere.  given that i missed Pope John Paul II during the World Youth Day celebration twenty years ago because "strict ang parents ko eh!*" and the fact that this Pope is very different based on what i have read and heard about him, i went. i had a little push from friends, too and i'm grateful. i didn't want to miss the opportunity.

despite my personal feelings about the church i stayed. i finished the mass until the end.  i didn't do what most people do where after Holy Communion, they'd leave like it was a movie.  hell, i grew up like that. my family, we went to mass late and leave early.  my dad didn't like going to mass. they would only stay because my mother was sick and needed to be blessed.  pretty soon, i didn't want to go to church too. there were points i thought were verbose and superficial.  maybe i'm just not used to the new responses.  haven't been attending mass for a while.  like i said, i have a very personal relationship with my Creator.  there were so many temptations to head back and leave, and even when i already stayed a couple of hours in one spot, i felt the urge to go. the desire to pee, for instance, became stronger since the rain, while not that heavy, did not stop either.  i wasn't cold, i wasn't hungry, but we all know i have a kidney problem so . . .

i didn't take any selfies.  only a few people knew i was going and that i was actually there, although i didn't see them given the sea of people who were there.  i went on that pilgrimage for me, as part of my journey. i asked God for strength the whole time and He didn't leave me. He was there for me and everyone else. some were there for longer than i was, and i have wasted my time on less important things.  it was something i had to do.  something i had to see myself go through.

this is what i looked like during the mass celebrated by Pope Francis.  i was drenched, of course.

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i learned a lot during that experience, that i was surprised myself.  i realized that i could fast for more than 12 hours, hold my pee for 7 hours and i really have high tolerance for cold temperature.

i'm glad i did this. i feel good about myself.

more importantly, while i'm not as vocal as most people are about their Christianity, i know my faith is as strong as everybody else, maybe stronger.

*i had strict parents