Saturday, November 29, 2014

i kissed a girl and i liked it.

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i think i mentioned here before that my first kiss was a girl.  i was seven years old. i didn't particularly like it, i didn't understand how it went back then (i still don't now. lol) but i wasn't disgusted by it either.  i found that i liked kissing, man or woman, it wasn't an issue. i also found it pleasurable when they kissed back.

come to think of it, i learned a lot of things a seven year-old shouldn't be doing.

one Sunday afternoon, many, many Christmasses ago, while our fathers were catching up over a few bottles of beer and a game of chess, we were playing house.  it's hard to imagine who taught her or how she knew what to do.  we were both seven.  i was supposed to play the guy parts when she was the one pulling my shorts down and sticking her tongue in my mouth.  years later, she was the well-adjusted one with the husband and kids while i'm the one who's messed up.  i mean, i think i turned out okay.  i really did.  just not the okay in your old school conservative sense, i guess.

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playing the harmonica is like kissing a lover.  you cannot do it when you're angry.

like Anita (in the movie, because my mother's name is also Anita.  she almost named me Antoinette, remember?), my parents had to wait for me for a while, before i would come in to this world.  it was a story that always came up when they would get angry with me for being so indolent.  unlike Anita though,  i never had any problems being dressed up as a girl.  what i wore didn't matter at that time.  i was a very boyish girl, but i liked wearing dresses (i still do now) and skirts.  i wish i had a lot more.  i grew up wishing for a lot of things i didn't have.

anyway, i digress.  i actually didn't want to have my hair cut short but my father always thought that if i had long hair, guys would court me and i'd get married early (look at me NOW, Dad.  HMP.)  in my teens, if i took longer than five minutes on the phone with someone, even if it was for school, he'd cut the hair himself.  i grew up wanting a lot of the traditional girly things not necessarily because i liked them.  i wanted them to have them because everybody else did.  i didn't rejoice in my being different then.  i wanted to belong.

i know, i know.  i had to commit a lot of great mistakes to be this cool.

Ang Huling Cha-Cha ni Anita is wonderful because i sure could've used a movie like this growing up to explain what i felt towards the same and opposite sex.  at least now if kids today saw it, and they felt differently like Anita, they wouldn't be so awkward.  or feel so alone.  lastly, more than anything, in real life, relationships like these don't always end up in happily ever after, so the viewer is able to freely determine the outcome in their head and make believe it did.  i like to believe we live in a world where a lady can decide what she wants to become in life and be respected for it, whether it's a choice she makes in terms of how she looks, how she she lives her life, who she wants to be with,  if she chooses to work or be a housewife, if she will have children or not, if she will marry or not.  she shouldn't be made to feel "abnormal" for making the choices that she feels are good for her.  no one should be allowed to judge her, make her feel sorry  she did what she had to do.  that's the ending of the movie for me.