Sunday, July 13, 2014

i have moved on, so should you

i went out with my sorority sisters for dinner last night and M was there.  she brought her new girlfriend with her.  i knew everyone felt awkward around us since we were together for a long time but i didn't mind.  it made me uncomfortable though, being in front of them in the table and M started eating the lady's ear in front of me.  i wasn't jealous or anything, i was happy for her.  i just thought it was a bit over the top on her part to act that way, you know, being overly sweet to the point that the lady couldn't eat properly because her left hand was held captive.  it made the other people in the dining table walk on eggshells around me.  i think it was awkward for everyone.

awkward never ruined my appetite.

my late parents, God rest their souls, could attest to this.  my father would hit me, say really mean things to me and my mother but i would still finish two cups of rice.  my mother was so mad at me for having a boyfriend at 14 and she threatened to tell my father but i still had two chocolate cupcakes.  i was stressed out.

besides, we were at the Kanin Club.  you cannot enjoy the experience of that place if you will order the plain rice.  i had a serving of aligue rice.  which M is allergic to, by the way.  har har. i ate a damn lot.  not only did i not eat before i left the house, but i had two hands free!

i understand if M felt the need to overcompensate so that her current girlfriend wouldn't feel insecure or uncomfortable that i was there but it made everybody else feel uncomfortable.  you could tell there was a lot of tension which only eased up after they left.

just because i am still single it doesn't mean i'm still in love with her.  i'm not.  i have moved on.  come on, it's been more than a decade since we broke up.  i chose to focus on my career and not on having a relationship for the sake of having one.  now, her reaction to me whenever i'm around is not my problem anymore, it's hers.  i don't see how or why people still think that she and i would get back together, especially after that, uh, "show".  i'm not waiting for her.  i'm happy for her.  now if i have to keep thinking about how other people will react whenever i'm around and she also happens to be there, then i'd rather not show up for these things.   i would be better off sleeping.  so let go of the M and bels love team.  move on.  i know i have.