Thursday, July 31, 2014

angry girl journal 07.31.14

i don't want anything to do with you.  i don't want you to know my new number, even if i know you're never going to call.  i don't want to give you the opportunity to know how to reach me.  you don't text or call to say you're sorry or that payment will be late anyway.  you don't care to have that bit of courtesy at all.

so i stopped caring about you.  i don't give a flying fuck what happens to you.  i don't want to give you a chance to try to borrow money, charm your way then make me feel guilty for the things i do right.

YOU OWE ME.  you abused my kindness.  you took my money and you got what was precious with me that i didn't want to part with.  i don't want you in my life.

I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE.

i cannot erase the four years i wasted just waiting on you to be a caring human being.  i cannot get them back.  but i can move on to do better things, avoid committing the same mistakes, and that includes allowing you to hurt me again.

you are not allowed to make me feel bad for getting mad at you for the things you did to hurt me.

never again.  so help me, God.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

what if a song could save your life?

while everyone was too busy checking out Daniel Padilla (we do not deny the charisma), they missed this gem of a film.  very funny.  awesome soundtrack too.  who knew Keira Knightley could sing?

we just had to see it before my friend Chris left for London.  and it's not even amazing just because Adam Levine is there.  if anything, Adam is the two-timing ex-boyfriend who grew a really bad beard.


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Begin Again is about struggling record label executive living in New York City,  Dan Mulligan.  in one of his worst days (he got fired from his own label), he meets Gretta James (Keira Knightley) in a bar. after hearing one of her songs, he offers to sign her in his label.  she is very hesitant after her boyfriend, Dave Kohl (played by Adam Levine, like i said, in a really bad beard), cheats on her with the assistant who works in the record label who produced his album. when things don't work out with his former label, Dan tells Gretta that the city of New York will serve as their studio as they record her album outdoors.  with the help of her best friend Steve (James Corden, very cute and funny.  i would like to have a best friend like that) and a bunch of other talented musicians, they set out to record her album.

i thought the soundtrack was great and that Keira Knightley, much like Hugh Grant in Music and Lyrics, has a surprisingly good singing voice.  it focuses on authenticity and what struggling musicians struggle with, to get their music across.  i thought it was cute when Gretta was telling Violet, Dan's daughter (does Hailee Steinfeld really know how to play the guitar?  because that was awesome!) to dress better and it was also nice that Dan got together with his wife in the end.  it was weird when there were scenes that implied that Gretta and Dan would hook up (thank you, Steve!) not because there was anything wrong with that, i just didn't think it would help the film.  you would think that after Dave shaved off the beard that he and Gretta would get back together but then, she would have been so much better without him.  even if Dave looked like Adam Levine.  in the end, Gretta releases her album online and we sing her songs on the way of the theater.  everybody happy.  

i have moved on, so should you

i went out with my sorority sisters for dinner last night and M was there.  she brought her new girlfriend with her.  i knew everyone felt awkward around us since we were together for a long time but i didn't mind.  it made me uncomfortable though, being in front of them in the table and M started eating the lady's ear in front of me.  i wasn't jealous or anything, i was happy for her.  i just thought it was a bit over the top on her part to act that way, you know, being overly sweet to the point that the lady couldn't eat properly because her left hand was held captive.  it made the other people in the dining table walk on eggshells around me.  i think it was awkward for everyone.

awkward never ruined my appetite.

my late parents, God rest their souls, could attest to this.  my father would hit me, say really mean things to me and my mother but i would still finish two cups of rice.  my mother was so mad at me for having a boyfriend at 14 and she threatened to tell my father but i still had two chocolate cupcakes.  i was stressed out.

besides, we were at the Kanin Club.  you cannot enjoy the experience of that place if you will order the plain rice.  i had a serving of aligue rice.  which M is allergic to, by the way.  har har. i ate a damn lot.  not only did i not eat before i left the house, but i had two hands free!

i understand if M felt the need to overcompensate so that her current girlfriend wouldn't feel insecure or uncomfortable that i was there but it made everybody else feel uncomfortable.  you could tell there was a lot of tension which only eased up after they left.

just because i am still single it doesn't mean i'm still in love with her.  i'm not.  i have moved on.  come on, it's been more than a decade since we broke up.  i chose to focus on my career and not on having a relationship for the sake of having one.  now, her reaction to me whenever i'm around is not my problem anymore, it's hers.  i don't see how or why people still think that she and i would get back together, especially after that, uh, "show".  i'm not waiting for her.  i'm happy for her.  now if i have to keep thinking about how other people will react whenever i'm around and she also happens to be there, then i'd rather not show up for these things.   i would be better off sleeping.  so let go of the M and bels love team.  move on.  i know i have.  

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

i wonder why i haven't taken a picture of this before

i wore this when i performed with the new band for the first time.

i sang The Cranberries' Dreams.

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dress:  Memo
blazer:  believe it or not,  P150 at an ukay store my late father used to go to
shoes:  Charles and Keith

Sunday, July 06, 2014

getting the groove on with a bunch of queens

i met with my beasties Chris and Beth to watch the play Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

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photo courtesy of Chris' Facebook page

the story is adapted from the movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (starring Terence Stamp, Hugo Weaving and Guy Pearce) about two drag queens and a transgender woman, who contract to perform a drag show at a resort in Alice Springs, a resort t

own in the remote Australian desert. Priscilla is the name of the bus they drove to get to the place.

Tick/Mitzi (played by Leo Valdez) was asked by his wife Marion, whom he has been separated from for several years because of his homosexuality, for a favor, to perform his act in her club.  while Tick is hesitant, Marion tells Tick the reason she is asking is partly because their eight-year old son Benji wants to meet his father.  Tick then calls in his friend, a transsexual, Bernadette (played magnificently by Jon Santos), whose husband just died, to join him.  he also enlists his other friend, Felicia (very magnificently played by Red Concepcion), to join their act.  there is an instant dislike between Felicia and Bernadette, with the latter not amused by the former's show-off performance.  Felicia, on the other hand, makes fun of her old life as "Ralph" and her age.  along the way, they meet people who pretend to like them but hate their sexuality and then people who are genuinely nice (someone actually even finds love) until they reach their destination.

this show reminded me of this other movie, Too Wong Foo, similarly, about three drag queens, who face discrimination in a strange town.  i loved the show, not only because i was with my two best friends Beth and Chris (besties, beasties, is there a difference?  lol) but because it was so fun to watch.  the music was great.  and the queens.  the queens, the divas, they were all lovely.

i've always loved Jon Santos.  to my mind, he can do anything, be anyone.  this performance was a walk in the park for him.  his Bernadette reminded me of Madonna in Evita.  so classy. so beautiful.  so perfect.  Red Concepcion as Felicia was amazing.  when i found out that the musical was based on a movie, i couldn't imagine Guy Pearce doing it.  then i couldn't get over it.  i was touched by Leo Valdez's performance, especially the duet between him and his son Benji.  Bituin Escalante's pipes astounded me.  there is no doubt in my head that she is still one of the best singers our beloved country has produced.  this was the shows third to the last run and i am so glad i got to see it, with my beasties.

***

Chris and i were talking about how we wished somebody in the Philippines would think of producing a musical that has all the best elements of the Manila Sound.  PETA has produced a show featuring the music of Sugarfree (sadly, i didn't get to see it) and now, we have a rerun of Rak of Aegis featuring Aegis songs.  we think it would be so much fun to hear the music of Hotdog, VST and Co.  and maybe even APO Hiking Society in a play.  anyone?  

Friday, July 04, 2014

otherwise, fuck off

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ASK ME OUT.

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although my short (recently colored) brown hair will remind you of Shailene Woodley of The Fault in the Stars, i am not a teenager anymore.  you and i are no longer in high school.  which means that while i enjoy the banter, the chase, there should be an end to all the mind fucking so that actual fucking can begin. lol.

profanity aside, i see myself as a very approachable human being.  smart, attractive and despite my angry exterior, a very wonderful person inside.  and i don't care what other people think.  as long as i don't hurt anyone and i do what's right, nothing else means shit.

sadly, you don't think i'm "fucking pretty", you just like messing with my head.  therefore, back off.

and stop touching parts of my clothing that are proximate to the breast region!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

ain't that sweet?

it's great feeling when i get to do the things i love doing and people appreciate me for it.

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you're gonna miss me when i'm gone . . .

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

and i finally get to wear it . . .

i am pretty, aren't i?

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dress:  GAP
blazer:  SM Classics
shoes:  Charles and Keith