Sunday, June 01, 2014

keeping an open mind, an open heart to my Creator

i just attended a Christian service.

yes, you read that right.  i  attended a Christian service.

i haven't been to church in years.  i have been invited by friends to attend a Christian service but i always seem to find an excuse not to go.

i attended one today because i owe it to my manager-friend to go.

i cannot lie:  there were some instances when i cried because i thought it was awakening something dead in me, it reminded me of so many things i wanted to bury within the farthest reaches of my soul,  and when they got out i couldn't stop the tears from pouring.

i needed to be there.  at least once.  i don't want to say i never tried.  now that i have, i remember why i don't anymore.

all these years of being alone i only had my faith to keep me strong.  through all of the things that i have experienced, it was always my faith that kept me sane and safe.  i am not as lost as i appear to be.  i have not turned my back on my Creator.  i have always believed in Him.  just because i have different ways of manifesting that faith, it doesn't take away the fact that i believe in Him.  that's what matters, right?

i believe and love our God.  i don't need to prove that.  i am flawed but i always try to do things to show others that He exists, without manipulation or coercion.  by becoming a blessing to others, i show others i am blessed and not by money, or fame or material things.  i always say this:  i am an unconventional non-practicing Catholic.  i don't do the things that you do, and i may falter and lose it sometimes, but that doesn't make me any less of a Christian than you are, that doesn't make me believe and love God any less.  i went with an open mind and an open heart, like i always have, to my Creator.  they were never closed.