Wednesday, February 12, 2014

angry girl journal 02.12.2014

you don't get to have an opinion about me.  hell, you were probably drunk when you sent me all those messages in my Facebook account.

i know you're not trying to be my friend.  we already gave that a shot.  or at least i did.  look where that got me.

we're totally different people. sure, you mean well and i appreciate you for doing so.  but thank you, for reaching out, for letting me know you care.  or that i'm awesome.  took you a while but thanks.   i mean, i know.  you don't need to tell me that, "you're an incredibly artistic and creative woman Bels,"  because i already know.

thank you for acknowledging that you were never a good friend to me, even when i always said that you were my best friend.  but then i did stop thinking you were my best friend.  like a long time ago.  because i have outgrown my high school crush and momentary insanity brought by a couple of beer.  which is why i don't drink beer.  anymore.

i'm not going to try to convince you that i've changed.  i won't.  what i've become, good or bad (and i'm telling you i'm all great and then some), you will NEVER EVER find out about it.  just following your lead: SCREW EVERYBODY ELSE, right? because like you said, and i quote, "YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE BETTER THAN THAT."

if you think the shit i post in social media was verging on self-pity, you have an option to either unfollow my posts or to unfriend me.  feel free.  you were never a good friend to me, to begin with.  

oh yeah, and if you thought that i was AWESOME BELS DACUMOS based on the little you tried to know about me, then that's just the tip of the fucking iceberg.  you have no idea how awesome i have become, HOW AWESOME I'VE ALWAYS BEEN, despite my imperfections.  you will never know.  you can never know.   my friends, the ones who appreciate how loving and crazy and awesome i am, the ones whom i "picked like i was still in college",  they're still pretty much around.  they're not always reliable; they're also crazy, but they were there in the key moments of my life. YOU WEREN'T.  and no one who wasn't there when my mom died or my dad died or when i lost my kid or when i got beaten up or when i lost my money, no one who wasn't even there at all, can judge me or my friends.  you hear? i never gave a rat's ass about how people thought of me. i won't start now.