Monday, February 24, 2014

old school selfies

you know how it is when you like the way your food was presented or when you bought something new or when you see a great view and you want to capture it on film? that's how i was when i was younger.  my parents would see something:  a view they liked or a structure they thought was really nice, put me on top of it, and take a picture. 

just like this.  

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yes, that was me. of course, i have no idea where this was taken or what wonderful structure i was placed on top of.  i had no say at all as to what they made me wear.  all i had to do was smile.  and that was it.

i actually want to recreate this shot.  if only i knew where this was or found clothes that look like the one i had here.  that would be so kulit.

who knew i'd grow up to be so awesome?  lol.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

i liked it because i kept an open mind

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people who know me know that i do not listen to the Filipino 90s band Aegis.  seriously.  just hearing them on the radio gives me so much pain, like someone was ripping my throat out of my neck and i'm gasping for air.  you're not supposed to sing like that.  so if i watched a play inspired by the recent floods, with music from the Aegis, that play must really be good.

or maybe i just needed a good laugh.  life is so serious and it gets pretty tiring.  it won't hurt to step out and be shallow, even for just a little while.

yes, i can do that.  

i have been waiting for the play since late last year, when my friend Chris mentioned it while waiting for Ely Buendia to come out.  not to mention, i've been following (or stalking, if you want to call it) Jerald Napoles' Facebook page for updates on it.  i knew going in that while the music wasn't something i would normally listen to, that it was PETA and that i would have a great time.

i did.

the story is about promodizer, Aileen (Joan Bugcat), who lives in Villa Venezia, a community that has been devastated by flood for the last three months.  her dream is to get discovered by Ellen DeGeneres via youtube.  her parents, Mercy (Kakai Bautista) and Kiel (the one and only Robert Seña), both work in the shoe factory owned by Mary Jane (the one and only Isay Alvarez-Seña), the barangay captain, who also happens to be Kiel's ex-girlfriend.  Aileen is sort of dating Kenny (Poppert Bernadas), Mary Jane's son out of wedlock, who can never get his mother's approval for being an artist. Tolits (Pepe Herrera), the pedicab driver turned boatman (because of the floods), is her secret admirer. yes, very teleserye.  how we all work things out despite the calamity is the heart of Filipino, which is also the heart of this play.

there were so many funny moments that i couldn't stop laughing.  and to be fair, before seeing this musical,  apart from the vocal chord breaking karaoke favorites, i didn't know that Aegis had other songs.  PETA did a great job of making me appreciate the music.  i have a new found respect for the band even if it didn't convert me.  i remember M, my ex-girlfriend, wanted me to sing Halik at one of our university appearances. it is a good song and i know i can do it, provide it the justice it deserves.   but i am in the business of speaking so  i cannot be mute after one performance.

anyway, i digress.  this play is very reflective of how resilient the Filipino is, how we can find humor in the face of calamity, adversity and how we triumph.  not to mention, it features original Pilipino music.  you can't go wrong with that.  

Sunday, February 16, 2014

no one mourns the Wicked

this post is dedicated to the nice wide lady in front of me and her mom, both of whom would not sit properly even when i asked them to, nicely, so that i can watch the play properly.  they even gave me judging mean looks on the way out and i wanted so much to say, "hey bitches, we paid the same amount for tickets.  if you were any better than me, you'd be seated downstairs, where it's closer."

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i really wanted to see the play at this date so i got this ticket because it seemed like the best position in that price range.  i could afford to pay more (like front seats more) but the seats available for that date didn't really look like good seats so i stayed with this choice.  and yes, i watched the play alone. 


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did i cry? NO.  i wanted to.  i really did.  i think i expected too much, like when they did a local version of Spring Awakening here. i listened to the original soundtrack that featured Lea Michele, Jonathan Groff and of course, John Gallagher, Jr.* and i felt they didn't give it justice.  so when they did Rent, i tried to keep an open mind and not listen so i wouldn't be biased and i liked it.  this past week was just really intense and i was brought to tears just listening to Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth.  so much emotion.  i didn't feel it during the play.  i know i should because it brought the songs that made me cry in context. i mean, i'm alone.  if i died, who will cry?  i've always been misunderstood but is it my fault or my environment's? i like this boy but he'll never like me like he would the next girl because i'm not pretty enough.  i just happen to be really really smart and talented.  the songs should've meant more because of the story behind it, which were now unfolding before my eyes.  but they didn't have that impact on me vocally.  they were great, yes, but it's probably the old school perfectionist in me that got so used to the original.   sorry.

plus the wide rude lady in front of me wouldn't move.  

i love Wicked but this version, not so much.    if i had the time and the resources, i'd watch it again, just to see the difference.  in Broadway

*quick side note: if my boss were younger, sang, danced, acted and played guitar, he would be John Gallagher, Jr.)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

angry girl journal 02.12.2014

you don't get to have an opinion about me.  hell, you were probably drunk when you sent me all those messages in my Facebook account.

i know you're not trying to be my friend.  we already gave that a shot.  or at least i did.  look where that got me.


we're totally different people. sure, you mean well and i appreciate you for doing so.  but thank you, for reaching out, for letting me know you care.  or that i'm awesome.  took you a while but thanks.   i mean, i know.  you don't need to tell me that, "you're an incredibly artistic and creative woman Bels,"  because i already know.

thank you for acknowledging that you were never a good friend to me, even when i always said that you were my best friend.  but then i did stop thinking you were my best friend.  like a long time ago.  because i have outgrown my high school crush and momentary insanity brought by a couple of beer.  which is why i don't drink beer.  anymore.

i'm not going to try to convince you that i've changed.  i won't.  what i've become, good or bad (and i'm telling you i'm all great and then some), you will NEVER EVER find out about it.  just following your lead: SCREW EVERYBODY ELSE, right? because like you said, and i quote, "YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE BETTER THAN THAT."

if you think the shit i post in social media was verging on self-pity, you have an option to either unfollow my posts or to unfriend me.  feel free.  you were never a good friend to me, to begin with.  

oh yeah, and if you thought that i was AWESOME BELS DACUMOS based on the little you tried to know about me, then that's just the tip of the fucking iceberg.  you have no idea how awesome i have become, HOW AWESOME I'VE ALWAYS BEEN, despite my imperfections.  you will never know.  you can never know.   my friends, the ones who appreciate how loving and crazy and awesome i am, the ones whom i "picked like i was still in college",  they're still pretty much around.  they're not always reliable; they're also crazy, but they were there in the key moments of my life. YOU WEREN'T.  and no one who wasn't there when my mom died or my dad died or when i lost my kid or when i got beaten up or when i lost my money, no one who wasn't even there at all, can judge me or my friends.  you hear? i never gave a rat's ass about how people thought of me. i won't start now. 

NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Monday, February 10, 2014

do the hustle

"Sometimes all you have in life are poisonous fucked up choices."

- Rosalyn Rosenfeld

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i was really looking forward to seeing American Hustle in theaters.  i saw just a bit of the trailer, saw the cast and thought, this seems like a great movie.  i wanted to understand why the title was American Hustle and why there was so much talk around it.  the plot was pretty interesting.

set in the late 1970s and early 1980s, the story is about a brilliant con man, Irving Rosenfeld, played by Christian Bale, and his equally cunning and seductive partner, Sydney Prosser, who got forced into working for a wild FBI agent Richie DiMaso to set up an elaborate sting operation on corrupt politicians, including the mayor of Camden, New Jersey, who was portrayed very candidly and convincingly by Jeremy Renner. 

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i would just like to say how bloody brilliant Christian Bale is, as he once again transforms himself into becoming Irving Rosenfeld.  an actor with that much dedication to transform his physical features in order to get into character and be that character,  is outstanding.  i am at a lost for words, simply in awe.  he was conflicted, he wanted to be honest, he wanted to keep his adopted son, he loved Sydney and wanted to go away with her but he had no choice and you could feel that in every scene he is in. every time he took out his pills for his heart, you felt for him.  and i still cannot get over that belly.


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Bradley Cooper, on the other hand, succeeded in annoying me.   you know he wants to get up high in the ladder pretty fast and it is so annoying to the point of manipulation.  you give in just to shut him up.  you know he's trying to do a get out in the field and call the shots but it's just hard, so hard, to take someone seriously when you know he's still living with his mother and getting his hair permed. 

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that Irving's unpredictable and ditsy legal wife Rosalyn, (Jennifer Lawrence) and his strategic paramour Sydney (Amy Adams) face off in the ladies' room only to end in a steamy kiss was just really, fascinating.  that left me speechless.  you can see how strong Sydney's character is, as opposed to Rosalyn, who served as an anchor in Irving's life, pulling him down instead of just letting him go.  Rosalyn was one of those characters who think they mean well but because of their stupidity, okay, naivete, cause more harm than good.

i liked it the movie because con artists are admirable for being so smart until you are the one being conned.  if only they could use all that intelligence for something that benefited a great number of people, not just themselves.  i felt for Jeremy Renner's character.  he simply wanted to do good for his constituents:  provide more jobs, make their lives better.  but because of the ambition of an annoying FBI agent who permed his hair and lived with his mom, the mayor who only means well gets caught up in a scandal that crushes everything he worked for in his community.  that sucks.

did i like the movie?  would i recommend it to people?  yes.  and yes.  it's a great movie but i'm not sure everyone will like it as much as i did, or get it as much as they want you to  know the story.  if you're only seeing it because the cast had big hair (except for Bale who had a comb over and a big belly) and really flashy clothes, stay at home.  but if you want to see it because you want to understand why it was so scandalous in the US during those times, go.  it will be interesting. 

Saturday, February 08, 2014

the first one hundred days

a few months ago, i made this very bold statement that i would quit smoking.  so i did, after almost two decades of active smoking.

today i am celebrating my first one hundred days without cigarettes.

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people ask me how or why i did it.  i have been talking about doing it for a while and i have been taking steps to lessen the number of cigarettes i smoke in a day so i might as well.  besides, i live alone.  it's one of those measures i have to take in order to fend for myself.  with smoking it's never too late to stop.

had i wanted to impress people, now that i think about it, i would've stopped when my former boss asked me to and just start smoking again now that i'm working for my new boss.  smoking was fun and cool for me, for a while and i'd like to think i benefitted from it professionally and personally.  i even kept saying i would only stop when i get pregnant or when my lungs started talking.  but then, why would i wait if i can stop now, right?

i could've just easily lit up a cigarette if i wanted to. and now i wonder why it took me so long to stop when i could.

every day is a battle but this is one of those things i'm proud to say i quit doing.  i could fall off the wagon, just like any addict would and i'm grateful that i haven't yet.  God has been watching over me and i couldn't have done it without Him. looking forward to the next one hundred.  

Sunday, February 02, 2014

so much for saving money

so while i keep saying i'll practice what i preach, i just ended up buying new stuff again.  and i'm not proud of it.

to console myself, of course, here's the part where i justify the purchase:  i've been looking for an all-black pair of Chucks for a long time so when i saw it, i had to buy it.  now that i got it, i just want to look at it. i don't want to wear it anymore.  lol.

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i also got duped into buying this other pair, thinking it was on sale, although i thought it looked great so i ended up buying it anyway.

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besides, i look hot and sexy in them.  may take a while before i get something new again, though.   need to save for something.