Tuesday, January 07, 2014

angry girl journal 01.07.2014

on my way to the office, the bus had one of the local soap operas on and i heard the name "Lazaro" mentioned, and i suddenly remembered Lazarus, the man whom Jesus raised from the dead.  this scene from the movie Jesus of Nazareth consequently plays in my head where Robert Powell raises his arms and calls out a man to get out of his tomb, "Lazarus, come forth!" and a dead man came out, his face covered in cloth and his hands and feet wrapped in linen.  nowadays, when you hear people rising from the dead, you mean zombies and not the overwhelming power that Jesus has over life and death.

 photo jesuscallingoutlazarus_zpsa562092c.jpg

unlike my more active Christian brothers and sisters, i don't really go to church that often anymore and when i do, i don't really make a big deal out of it.  i believe in the power of God's love and while i seem to be angry and cynical all the time, that one thing, i am pretty sure of and not angry about.  God hears, sees and protects everything, every one of us.  we don't often get the answers we think we want and more often than not, when we get the response, we're not listening properly to what He has to say.

maybe nowadays there is no way the dead can rise without wanting to eat your brain, which may or may not be true. but God's love transcends time, life, death.  it is all powerful and never ending.  that may or may not be true as well.

we all believe in something.  some people believe in magic.  some people believe in fate.  some people believe in zombies.  i believe in God's love.

you didn't see that one coming, not from me anyway, did you?

***

i am greatly disappointed that the person who will replace me has a bad attitude towards our other co-workers and it affects the way they look at my boss.  i don't report to him anymore but i still care.  i owe the man a lot of who and what i am now because he gave me a chance to grow and i can't help but think that it's my fault for wanting to do something better for myself that my peers think he's an ass because the one who replaced me is an ass.

i am not perfect but i think i've proved myself, of all the people who have worked for him, to be loyal and worthy of respect.  i try to carry myself responsibly and make sure i treat others the way i expect to be treated.  yes, all those times i was scolded to respect others paid off.  my parents were big disciplinarians.  sometimes they went overboard but i am grateful they were, as this industry is all about how you treat people and how it will all come back depending on how you did.  and again, i'm not perfect, i was pretty efficient and effective at what i did, and i could really be difficult to work with sometimes, but somehow, i seem to be the "lesser evil" in all of this.

i know this is none of my business anymore.  but i care.  it's a character flaw.  i care too much.  i worked too hard to "manage my boss",   to manage how other people perceive my boss, and i've worked hard to get people to respect me to let someone just ruin it because she feels like it.

***

i'm only going to vent about this once and then afterwards i'm done. maybe just a little every now and then.

respect begets respect.  i believe in the absence of that, there is common courtesy.