Friday, November 01, 2013

angry girl journal 11.01.2013

i hate long weekends.

yes, i will visit my parents' grave some time this weekend.  just maybe not today.

anyway, i am disappointed that i have a weekend this long, like when i had to stay home for Holy Week.  even when my Father was still alive, i preferred going to work.  he was happy i get paid double for the holiday and i was happy because i had to interact with him less.  that he died didn't change it.  i still preferred to go to work on the PHL holidays and take off on the US ones.  if i needed to get something done, i take the US holiday off and i get to do it.  i don't get to accomplish anything if everybody else in bureaucratic Manila is on holiday.  besides, i was insanely trying to be with someone who wasn't worth it at the time.  it made me happy seeing him even though the feeling wasn't mutual.

now, all i just have is free time.

i don't really like to go out.  not anymore, anyway.  i only like going out when i'm with friends, as i am not particularly close with the family i have left.  if i don't have to, i'll just stay home and sleep.  that or watch tv and be brain dead.  i do want to travel again, but only if i can be with friends.  the last thing i want is to be stuck over the weekend with a bunch of people i don't particularly like.  i won't enjoy it because it will be torture.

i could travel alone but i will always wonder what would happen to the house while i'm gone.  it would've been a great opportunity to find myself.  maybe i will before the year ends.

it would also be nice if i could travel with someone special.  yes, i just got all mushy and wished that i could travel with someone i love.

But I could take you with me
Oh please let me take you with me.
And you can see those seasons too
But from a different view.

I want to get away with you.
I want to get away with you.

- Travel Song, Evelyn Burke

i just have really high standards.  so i guess i will just sleep off this weekend again.