Friday, August 09, 2013

mistakes, i’ve had a lot, too monumental to mention

i’ve been so used to my previous role that i rarely make mistakes anymore.  some are easily hidden, not because i am so awesome at what i do - i am, but because they’re mistakes that are easily forgiven, and because i hardly commit mistakes.  that’s the problem sometimes when you’re in your comfort zone; you can do something in your sleep that you hardly get challenged anymore.   i wanted to challenge myself, so i asked permission to get this new role, so i can do something different, and so i can learn.

they were right when they said that you can’t learn unless you commit mistakes.  some times you have to.  of course, i already know this but it’s just hard to deal with the consequences, especially when other people’s lives are involved and when i didn’t really mean to hurt them in the process.  i was only doing my job, and i’m really trying hard to do well at it.  i don’t make these kinds of mistakes, which is why i feel so bad and why i am so hard on myself. 

i am hoping that i can be done committing mistakes and start at being great at what i’m doing now.  it’s an opportunity that i am grateful for and want to make the most out of.  i know that like everybody else i am entitled to some sort of learning curve where it’s still okay to make mistakes, but i really hope that i don’t have to and just jump to being awesome. 

i asked for this and i don’t want to let down the people who believed in me.  most of all, i don’t want to perpetually doubt myself and let me down.  i need to start believing in me and loving me again.  it’s about time.