Monday, May 13, 2013

angry girl journal 05.11.2013

i was about two or three years old when i first went to Baguio.  i don’t remember much.  my mother and father had a fight because she caught him cheating so she ran off and took her young toddler with her (me) on the six-hour ride to get as far away from him as possible.

years later, my mother got sick with cancer so we decided as a family to take a vacation to go there again.  it was a quick trip which i didn’t get to enjoy much.  it was one of those last trips out of town my parents and i got to go to before she died. come to think of it, it was the last trip my father and i ever went to, together.

so when my friends from my former company asked me if i was doing anything this weekend, i didn’t even think twice.  we went.  i have been talking and thinking about going to Baguio on my own, as part of my “alone time” but i’m afraid to leave the house, i’m afraid i wouldn’t know where to go.

i'm afraid period.  going with them wasn’t what i had initially planned but it was better than not going at all.

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so of all days, we picked the senatorial election weekend to go to Baguio so all deluxe rides were fully booked and it was even more difficult getting the ordinary ones to get there and back.  but for an overnight stay in a place that took us seven hours to get to, we were able to go to ukay-ukay, the PX goods place, and the zipline.  we even got to drink despite the liquor ban.

my father was an ass.  but for all his arrogance, the man was fearless.  because he thought he could beat anyone at anything, he wasn't afraid to stand up to anyone.  he wasn't afraid of anything.  and while he was mean to me and my mom, all those times my mother was scared, whether it was the dark or dogs, or going out too deep in the water or heights, he was there to say, "it's okay, i'm here.  don't be afraid, i'll catch you . . ." that, or if you don't do it, i will give you a spanking anyway.  hahaha.

of course, it was different with cancer.

so for someone who is so afraid of heights, being in a queue for a ride going to a zipline isn't something you'd expect me to do.  but i did.

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" . . but i could take you with me
just ask and i'll take you with you
and you can see those seasons too, but from a different view . . ."

- Evelyn Burke, Travel Song

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now i can check that out of my bucket list.

the trip made me think about them a little, my parents.  i was thinking about a great number of other things while i was there.  maybe i'll go back again.  alone this time.