Friday, April 12, 2013

angry girl journal 04.12.2013: Glee's Shooting Star episode

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*photo courtesy of SwiftieGleek

on the pretext that an asteroid was coming to hit the earth,  and songs were being sung to a cat named after British loyalty because the world was ending, how would YOU spend your last days on earth?

aside from the arc on the person "catfishing*" (stalking meets identity theft) Ryder who may either be Unique or Kitty, this recent Glee episode features the enormous sacrifice Sue Sylvester made: she ended a very long and successful teaching career to cover up for Becky bringing and accidentally setting off a gun in school.

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*photo courtesy of Leofaberry13

the episode created a bit of controversy in the US because it hit hard those who are still recovering from the deaths caused by the shootings that happened there recently.

i'm glad i'm not that violent. i hate guns and even at my angriest, i never thought of hurting other people. if i hurt anybody i wouldn't just be hurting them but the people who care about them. now,  you would say that i'm wrong, that if i hurt myself, it would hurt the people that i love, it would hurt the people who love me.  despite all their efforts to get me an education, a roof over my head and food on the table, i thought at the time that my parents didn't love me and if they lost me, it wouldn't mean anything.

i am wrong, of course.

i try not to hurt the people i love by not hurting myself anymore.  sometimes i feel like i'm helping them by not bothering them when i am lonely because i know they have their own problems.  i forget the part that just as relevant as i feel needed when they reach out to me, and i can't always be the strong one; i too, need help and it would make them feel important to help me out in my time of need.  so i don't have to slash my wrists.

one of the things the Dead Poets Society has taught me was to never wait. i don't wait for a meteor to destroy the world as we know it. i don't wait for some unstable shooter to put my lights out. no matter how angry, sarcastic or difficult i can become, i never wait to tell people, especially the ones i care about, how i feel about them. i don't wait to tell them if i'm upset.  believe me, if i am upset, you will hear about it.  a lot. if i've upset you, i will make sure i make up for it. but if i care about you, you will know it.  i don't want to miss a day not telling you, not making you feel i do care about you.  because i may never have the chance again.  and i don't want either of us to have regrets.

*catfishing - stealing someone's identity just to be close to someone