Sunday, April 21, 2013

if you can be both right and kind at the same time, why would you not be?

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i first heard about the book during an office function.  one of our leaders said that he read this book in order to be able to talk about something with his children.  you could tell immediately after that function that the  people who loved reading, checked out the book.  i know because i did, and it was already out of stock.

it took a few weeks before i got my copy and another few weeks before i started reading it.  i was in the middle of something when i got the book so i just finished reading it today.

the book is about August Pullman.  he is born with facial deformity and has had several surgeries even before he reached the age of ten.  his doctors believe him to be a miracle, as they did not expect him to live.  he is about to start mainstream school as a fifth-grader and for any ordinary kid, it is difficult already for one to fit in.  what more an ordinary kid like Auggie, with an extraordinary face?

i liked the book because it didn't feel like i was reading a children's book.  it had some really quaint music and movie references and the lessons that can be learned from it are relevant and deep.  it speaks not only from the perspective of Auggie, the kid with the deformity, but from the point of view of his sister, his best friends in school, his sister's boyfriend, his sister's best friend.  at the surface, one would think that it is very overwhelming for Auggie, being the one with the deformity, in a new school, away from the protection of his parents and his sister, but then again, we also see how his sister feels, and how his best friends feel about hanging out with him, being ostracized by everyone else, having been associated with him.

in the end, despite appearances, people can surprise you.  they can be there for you when you least expect them to, and the ones whom you didn't expect to inspire you, are the ones who give you strength.

in the book, it is said that if you had the choice between being right and being kind, choose to be kind;  be kinder than necessary.  but if you can be both, why would you not be?

Friday, April 12, 2013

angry girl journal 04.12.2013: Glee's Shooting Star episode

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*photo courtesy of SwiftieGleek

on the pretext that an asteroid was coming to hit the earth,  and songs were being sung to a cat named after British loyalty because the world was ending, how would YOU spend your last days on earth?

aside from the arc on the person "catfishing*" (stalking meets identity theft) Ryder who may either be Unique or Kitty, this recent Glee episode features the enormous sacrifice Sue Sylvester made: she ended a very long and successful teaching career to cover up for Becky bringing and accidentally setting off a gun in school.

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*photo courtesy of Leofaberry13

the episode created a bit of controversy in the US because it hit hard those who are still recovering from the deaths caused by the shootings that happened there recently.

i'm glad i'm not that violent. i hate guns and even at my angriest, i never thought of hurting other people. if i hurt anybody i wouldn't just be hurting them but the people who care about them. now,  you would say that i'm wrong, that if i hurt myself, it would hurt the people that i love, it would hurt the people who love me.  despite all their efforts to get me an education, a roof over my head and food on the table, i thought at the time that my parents didn't love me and if they lost me, it wouldn't mean anything.

i am wrong, of course.

i try not to hurt the people i love by not hurting myself anymore.  sometimes i feel like i'm helping them by not bothering them when i am lonely because i know they have their own problems.  i forget the part that just as relevant as i feel needed when they reach out to me, and i can't always be the strong one; i too, need help and it would make them feel important to help me out in my time of need.  so i don't have to slash my wrists.

one of the things the Dead Poets Society has taught me was to never wait. i don't wait for a meteor to destroy the world as we know it. i don't wait for some unstable shooter to put my lights out. no matter how angry, sarcastic or difficult i can become, i never wait to tell people, especially the ones i care about, how i feel about them. i don't wait to tell them if i'm upset.  believe me, if i am upset, you will hear about it.  a lot. if i've upset you, i will make sure i make up for it. but if i care about you, you will know it.  i don't want to miss a day not telling you, not making you feel i do care about you.  because i may never have the chance again.  and i don't want either of us to have regrets.

*catfishing - stealing someone's identity just to be close to someone

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

happy day of valour

while preparing for work, i suddenly remembered alex.  it's weird.  i always say that the only women who proposed to me are lesbians, but now that i think about it, the closest thing i got to a marriage proposal from a man, was by alex.

he wanted to take responsibility for me at the time and while i was scared and alone,  i didn't think it was right for him to do so.  i didn't know how it would work.  i didn't even know if it was his or not.  all i know was i wanted to take responsibility for my actions because it was the right thing to do.

that was the last time i saw him.

alex and i, we were crazy.  we couldn't get our hands off each other but strangely enough, i was the only one who thought we could've been a good match.  of course, i didn't want to admit it at the time,  but i was waiting for him to take me seriously, i was waiting for him to see more than just a stop when he came by.  i was waiting for him to see me.  and now, like the rest of them, he has found his happily-ever-after.

with someone else.

***

i woke up today thinking that i was going to fix myself up.  i don't know why.  i just wanted to look pretty. it has been proven that when you look pretty, the one person you want to see, never really sees you;  but when you look like crap, you see them all the time.

i was losing hope that i was ever going to see you, what with everyone complimenting me how hot i looked and my day was close to ending.  

and then there you were:  you looked so happy to see me.  i've never seen anyone look at me like that.  i felt so beautiful. a good morning, indeed!  

thank you.  you have no idea how happy you made me feel.