Friday, January 25, 2013

something i picked up from one of them fashion books

i saw this from a book that my friend gave me. since the weather's been pretty cold lately, i decided to try it.

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i never saw myself as a model, but i think i've seen too many episodes of Top Model that i can do editorial poses already, or at least, i think i do.

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the problem with me is that when i wear skirts or dresses, i sometimes forget that i am, so i tend to open my legs inadvertently.  i obviously still haven't gotten over my boyish ways.  but i'm working on it.

baby steps.

top:  Forever 21
skirt: Marks and Spencer
shoes:  Charles and Keith

Sunday, January 20, 2013

angry girl journal 01.20.2013

just because you gave it all doesn't necessarily follow that it will be worth something to someone.  but as long as it means something to you, it should be enough.

do i even want to end up with you?  i don't know.  you're no good for me.  you said it yourself - i'm perfect*.  you even said i kept you sane.  despite all my flaws, i'm still too good for you.  i guess i often get attracted to people whom i know will make my life miserable.  i guess that's what love is.

you never apologized to me.  you never thanked me unless you were forced to.  it's like i always have to force it out of you. whereas i thank you all the time and i even apologized for that time i hurt your feelings here.

i just don't want to live my life with regret.  i want to be able to say, before closing the YOU chapter of my life, that i did everything i possibly could, that i gave it all, then enter the end credits (no pun intended) so i could move on to a new chapter of my life.

insert Adele lyrics here.

just because you gave him everything it doesn't necessarily mean that it's worth something to him.  it just means that he's got it all and you're left with NOTHING.

*we were at the parking lot, second floor, while we were smoking, i told you that i sometimes wished i was someone else, then maybe you'd share with me your life more. you answered, "no, you're perfect.  there's nothing more i could ask for".  march 16, i remember because i took you to the hospital the next day.  

Friday, January 18, 2013

because smart IS sexy

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I love Dr. Spencer Reid.  his character is played by Matthew Gray Gubler.

while i am hooked to the show because it is intellectually stimulating and how they study the criminal mind really interests me, Dr. Spencer Reid, is the only reason the show remains awesome to me.  you know, a twenty-five year old with an eidetic memory, three PhDs and looks like he's modeled for Tommy Hilfiger, Marc Jacobs and American Eagle.

in this week's episode of Criminal Minds, the only girl who has ever been an intellectual match for Reid is in danger.  it's sad because now that Maeve is in danger, those hours on the phone they were having intellectual intercourse may be the only time they will ever get to spend.  i especially love their relationship not just because Maeve is played by Leverage's Beth Riesgraf, but the fact that they didn't have to see and be with each other.  they understood each other and read each other very well and that was enough.  Dr. Reid was always awkward around other people because of how special he is but with her, everything just came naturally.  they loved each other and they haven't even met.

it's sad that Maeve had to die just as they were supposed to first see each other.  sad.

Thomas Merton once wrote, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

Monday, January 14, 2013

Person of Interest: the man in the suit

"You are being watched. The government has a secret system: a machine that spies on you every hour of every day. I know because I built it. I designed the machine to detect acts of terror, but it sees everything. Violent crimes involving ordinary people, people like you. Crimes the government considered irrelevant. They wouldn't act, so I decided I would. But I needed a partner, someone with the skills to intervene. Hunted by the authorities, we work in secret. You'll never find us, but victim or perpetrator, if your number's up... we'll find you".

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i'm very fascinated with this show.  of course, that Jim Caviezel is one of the men in the suit working in secret to keep us all safe did help make the show interesting for me.  the show is  based on the premise that there is a Machine, a computer system for the government which uses information gleaned from omnipresent surveillance to predict future terrorist attacks. however, the Machine's creator, Harold Finch, played by Michael Emerson, discovered that the computer was predicting ordinary crimes as well. the government is not interested in these results, but Finch is determined to stop the predicted crimes. this is where Jim comes in.  he hires Reese to conduct surveillance and intervene as needed, using his repertoire of skills gained in the military and the CIA. through a back door built into the system, Finch receives the Social Security number of someone who will be involved in an imminent crime, at which point he contacts Reese. without knowing what the crime will be, when it will occur, or even if the person they were alerted to is a victim or perpetrator, Reese and Finch must try to stop the crime from occurring.

one of the things that fascinate me about the show is the dynamic between the two main characters, Finch and Reese.  they complement each other's strengths and despite the difficulty of the tasks they have to accomplish in saving people's lives, they cannot help but find humor in the situation.  saving lives is a serious job, and these men are really funny, you just have to be quick to get the dry humor. their dog, Bear (played by a pair of dogs: Graubaer’s Boker and Midas van’t Rietje) is a great addition to the cast.  he has character, just like his two humans.

it's a very intelligent show.  the circumstances it represents may already be happening somewhere right now, only we are not aware of it.  it pains me to know that the government would consider irrelevant things that would endanger you and me, but i understand that as such, it has to act for the greater good, for that which will affect a greater number of people.  unfortunately, there wouldn't be a man in the suit who can be everywhere every time something happens and just be there in time to save you and me.  chances are, if there were someone, it wouldn't be Jeremy Renner or Jim Caviezel.

also, it is scary but only those who are paranoid enough to cover their tracks are safe.  it is sad but it is the truth:  in the world right now, no one is truly safe.

"only the paranoid survive . . ."
- Andrew Grove

Saturday, January 12, 2013

if you didn't believe before, you just might

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i've seen the trailer and i've been seeing and hearing a lot of quotes from the book so i was very anxious to see the film. truly, a great number of life lessons can be learned from the book so how the movie would be portrayed was very enticing and interesting.

the story is about Pi (yes, like qtπ) and how he survived being shipwrecked with an adult Bengal tiger after 227 days.  it talks about how as a young boy, he believed in three religions:  Hindu, Christianity and then, Islam.  it talks about him losing his family, and then almost losing his mind, being alone all those 227 days with only Richard Parker (the tiger's name) as a companion. it was an unlikely friendship that kept him sane, that gave him hope, that kept him believing in God, that he would be saved, if he just stayed strong.

the movie is so amazing and there are a lot of great quotes from the book, but this is my favorite:

"It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse." 

Richard Parker might not have said a proper goodbye, as he is following his true nature, but to Pi, he saw a friend who saved his life.  how many people do you know can do that?  

i owe my friends my life, my sanity.  i may not be perfect and i know i am very difficult to live with and my friends are not perfect and they are difficult to live with; but in the absence of family, they are all i have and i don't want to wait to be stranded or shipwrecked before i let them know that.  that, i think, is what Pi meant with the line above.  

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some things, some people never change, no matter how many chances you give them.  it's like they deliberately want you to stop believing,  like they deliberately want you to give up on them.  

Friday, January 11, 2013

nope, not ready to take the cardigan off yet

i really like this dress in that it gives the illusion that i have big breasts (yes, i said that) but at the same time, it reminds me how huge i've become.


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blazer:  UniQlo
dress:  Zara
shoes:  Charles and Keith

hopefully, when i'm more comfortable with myself, i will be able to look better in this and take off the cardigan.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

i wonder how long i can keep doing this . . .

almost everybody walks up to me and says i lost weight.  well, everybody, except the weighing scale.

i try to choose clothes that will camouflage my actual size.  some are hits.  some are misses.

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dress:  H&M
shoes:  Charles and Keith

my office mate got this for me when he visited Hong Kong.  hopefully, i would have some time to visit the place myself and shop for myself.  like i ever take time off.  but this is nice, right?  my other office mate indulges me and lets me take pictures  when i'm wearing a dress.  it is a new year, after all.  need a change in perspective.  it also warrants a new look.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

2013, you should be nice to me

a few years ago, Erwin Romulo dedicated an article about Morrissey to me.  i vaguely remember it now.  i can't say i'm big as a fan of Morrissey and The Smiths as he was, but the way he wrote it was so interestingly beautiful that if i weren't a fan then, after the reading the column, i'd be a fan now.  i do like some of their songs, but this one is my favorite.


Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
The Smiths

Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man
turn bad

So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time 

in The Alchemist, Paolo Coehlo said that when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.  i've wanted so many things in life i didn't get, and really worked hard for most of them, too, so maybe you could say that the universe has been conspiring really hard to make my life miserable or maybe the universe doesn't want to throw me a bone.

according to Chinese astrology, 2013 is the year of the water snake and i was born in the year of the snake too.  so i'm really hoping things would take off this year.  seriously. i don't need much.  just good health.  protection from harm.  strength.  guidance.  peace of mind. happiness and love.

love. love. love.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

angry girl journal 01.01.2013

angry so soon?

actually, i didn't know what to call this post.  i was just really moved by the episode of Family Guy.  usually that cartoon show offends me, or challenges me to think at least, if it wasn't trying to make me laugh.  but today i was touched.

Brian and Stewie find themselves locked in bank vault as they're trying to retrieve items from Brian's safe deposit box. Stewie discovers that Brian has a gun in the safe deposit box, which led him to ask why, to which Brian replies, after trying to divert the topic of conversation,  that  he kept in just in case he ever wants to commit suicide.

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Brian feels that his life has no meaning or purpose, to which Stewie replies:

"You give my life purpose, and maybe, maybe that's enough. Because that's just about the greatest gift one friend can give another."

i wish someone could have that conversation with me some time and i know that they mean it, so i would be convinced not to do it.  or maybe even the other way around, that someone felt they didn't need to end their life because i helped make it more meaningful.  yeah, maybe that's why i'm angry, because i feel that there is no meaning to all this, that nothing matters.