Saturday, November 24, 2012

angry girl journal 11.24.2012

i really wanted to see you.  i have been longing to see you since i didn't get a chance to hang out with you the last time you were here. and it has been so long.

i didn't expect anything to happen between us, although it crossed my mind.  after all, you did mention that you noticed the skirts.  but that's the way you always talked to me so i figured it was never going to happen.  like you said, a lot of Filipinas have tried but none have succeeded.   besides, more than anything, i love our talks.  our conversations were always interesting and funny and i learn a lot from you.  you give me words of wisdom every chance you get and i might not always like what i hear, but i know it comes from the heart.  i know you love me, that you want me to be happy.  i know you mean well.

so when you said that i should stop chasing after people who will only hurt me, i knew you were right.  you called me "damaged", but the kind that fixes itself.  you said that i should stay away from people who are equally damaged but who needed other people to fix them, like him.  you said that i deserved better.  you also said that i should take a vacation, go somewhere i'd be uncomfortable, get out of my comfort zone, to not be afraid.

the funny part is, you also know that i will say, "yes, i will do it", just to shut you up so you pushed even harder so that i will be challenged enough to actually do it.

you know what, YOU'RE RIGHT.  

and yes, i know i will thank you later.

***

you just had to text me when i was with him.  you just had to, didn't you?