Sunday, June 17, 2012

my No Umbrella story

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just came home from watching one of a series of shows to send off Cynthia Alexander before she finally settles in Seattle.  in the fully packed Conspiracy bar, she asks us how we are and feels sorry that not everybody can get in. she asks us what we want her to sing and there is a clamor for Comfort in Your Strangeness and No Umbrella but since the latter is such a sad song, she wanted to know what our No Umbrella story was.  she wanted us to share our story, as she said, the music is now ours and she was just the instrument that brought it to life.  it's been a while since i last heard the song and while i knew i loved the song - it's beautiful,  i couldn't remember the lyrics.  i mean, it's pretty literal, right?  no umbrella?

then she starts to sing the song and i remember why i love it.  i remember you.  then i remember my story, our story. i was already in the office and you were running late.  it was raining and you couldn't leave the train  station since you had no umbrella.  i told you i'd pick you up and you said no, but i insisted.  i proceeded to walk over to the station to pick you up so you wouldn't get wet or sick.  for someone who didn't want to be picked up you were asking me to hurry up. you said i didn't have to but i did it for you.   i wanted to do it for you.  i would've done it for anyone. then there was that time it was so hot when i brought you to the hospital and you were just holding the umbrella but you wouldn't use it.  we eventually gave in so you opened it and used it for both of us. we walked and you held my hand.

our life together has been a series of  sorries (my frail attempt at pluralizing the word, "sorry"), where no one wants to admit he/she hurt who and so we just keep hurting each other until we can't stand each other anymore.  at least, that's how i feel when you hurt me and i just keep wanting to hurt you back.  we'd apologize but we keep doing it over again, making it miserable and unbearable to live with the other.  and you always said you never want to see me get hurt.  and i always said i'd do everything to take your pain away.

sometimes i wish things were as simple as opening an umbrella, sharing it with someone, letting that person in, with no bitterness or animosity.        

No Umbrella
Cynthia Alexander

I remember
Walking in the rain
No umbrella
With your arms around me
How can i begin
That was the last time

I saw you
Waving down and dancing
Getting on without me
And you're sorry
How can i begin
That was the last time

You're sorry
You're sorry
Sorry, sorry

I remember
Somewhere in the rain
The man without a face
It was you
You were quiet
I knew what you were thinking but
You couldn't say it
Letting go of the feeling
Things ain't what they are now
Rain is falling no umbrella
I remember you

You're sorry
You're sorry
Sorry, sorry

You're sorry
You're sorry
You're sorry
You're sorry
You're sooooory

You are sorrier
You are sorrier
You are sorrier
Made you sorrier
Sorry

sometimes non-relationship relationships are more complicated than actual relationships.