Monday, May 28, 2012

we all carry boxes with us

i attended this class on Leadership and Emotional Intelligence.  a friend told me before that i had a very low emotional quotient which was understandable he said, because i had a really high intelligence quotient, which i later found out in class, doesn't necessarily follow.

anyway, aside from learning about the Amygdala Hijacking (simply put, it's when you've had a really bad day and you blow a fuse) and meeting a bunch of people, i also got introduced to this book published by the Arbinger Institute entitled Leadership and Self-Deception.  it took a while before it was my turn to borrow it but when i finally got it, it only took me three days to finish reading it.

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what i found interesting about the book is that, the takeaways from it don't just apply to how you can be a better colleague at work but how you can be a better human being outside of work.


I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change  his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
- Man In the Mirror, Michael Jackson

there are times when we think that other people have an attitude, that they have a problem.  what we fail to see, more often than not, is that WE ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM.    this book explains that and introduces a concept that we practice a lot in our everyday lives although we may not be aware of it:  SELF-BETRAYAL.

1.  an act contrary to what i feel i should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal".

2.  when i betray myself, i begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.

3.  when i see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.

4.  so - when i betray myself, i enter the box.

5.  over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and i carry them with me.

6.  by being in the box, i provoke others to be in the box.

7.  in the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification.  we collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. 

we don't have to make it difficult for others.  we don't have to have to be a pain.  we don't have to make it difficult for ourselves.  we just have to learn to listen to ourselves, listen to other people and get out of the box.

***
in the same class, i did learn (rather, i was reminded)  that you don't give up on the people you love.  people who commit suicide give up on themselves and it only takes one person, just one person to believe in them, for them to see the light and not give up.

i am grateful that i have friends who do not give up on me, so that i can become the light that won't give up on others.  i still believe.  i have faith.