Monday, May 28, 2012

we all carry boxes with us

i attended this class on Leadership and Emotional Intelligence.  a friend told me before that i had a very low emotional quotient which was understandable he said, because i had a really high intelligence quotient, which i later found out in class, doesn't necessarily follow.

anyway, aside from learning about the Amygdala Hijacking (simply put, it's when you've had a really bad day and you blow a fuse) and meeting a bunch of people, i also got introduced to this book published by the Arbinger Institute entitled Leadership and Self-Deception.  it took a while before it was my turn to borrow it but when i finally got it, it only took me three days to finish reading it.

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what i found interesting about the book is that, the takeaways from it don't just apply to how you can be a better colleague at work but how you can be a better human being outside of work.


I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change  his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
- Man In the Mirror, Michael Jackson

there are times when we think that other people have an attitude, that they have a problem.  what we fail to see, more often than not, is that WE ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM.    this book explains that and introduces a concept that we practice a lot in our everyday lives although we may not be aware of it:  SELF-BETRAYAL.

1.  an act contrary to what i feel i should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal".

2.  when i betray myself, i begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.

3.  when i see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.

4.  so - when i betray myself, i enter the box.

5.  over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and i carry them with me.

6.  by being in the box, i provoke others to be in the box.

7.  in the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification.  we collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. 

we don't have to make it difficult for others.  we don't have to have to be a pain.  we don't have to make it difficult for ourselves.  we just have to learn to listen to ourselves, listen to other people and get out of the box.

***
in the same class, i did learn (rather, i was reminded)  that you don't give up on the people you love.  people who commit suicide give up on themselves and it only takes one person, just one person to believe in them, for them to see the light and not give up.

i am grateful that i have friends who do not give up on me, so that i can become the light that won't give up on others.  i still believe.  i have faith.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Jessica is still a winner to all of us

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i knew that Philip was going to win. there is a trend going on in America where the more talented of the two finalists doesn't win but is more successful than the actual American Idol. Adam Lambert became a bigger sensation that Kris Allen, Katharine McPhee was more popular than what's-his-face Taylor Who(?) and while David Cook is just as talented, even more, as David Archuleta, the fact that the younger David is into pop music makes him more popular than David the winner. sorry, what? Lee who?

yes, yes, we've had too many white guys with guitars winning on American Idol and never hear from them afterwards.  Phillip Phillips is no exception.  we especially feel strongly about this because he went up against one of our own, 16-year old Jessica Sanchez.  at her age, the pipes of that kid, her voice is astounding.  and because she is young, you know that she'll be so much better in the years to come.

i love that kid.  of course, Regine Velasquez's version of I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing is so much better, but that's because she hasn't heard of it yet.  and the quality of their voices are so much different.  you know that this kid can grow up to do greater things and because she's based in the US, she'll be able to do so much more.  she is so much better than Jasmine Trias, or Charice. where is Charice, by the way?  whatever happened after she cut her hair?

anyway, my officemate and i were looking up videos of Jessica back when she was still young and we saw how she started developing her talent, singing publicly when she can.  you can tell that even as a child, she really wanted this and she has worked hard to hone her craft.  she will really go places.

see you soon here in the R.P., kid.  we are very proud of you!!!

Monday, May 21, 2012

there are so many other things to be GAGA about

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 Lady Gaga is currently here for a two-night concert. everyone's trying to jump into the bandwagon by creating controversy over the lyrics of  her songs.  i don't know why they have to do that.  i'm pretty sure kids today can make up their minds as to what to do and what not, after listening to a song on the radio or seeing a music video.

while i'm not necessarily a big fan, i find her songs very entertaining and provocative.  i admire the fact that she uses her fame to make a stand for  people who are different.  i especially love that a major part of what she stands for is fighting for LGBT rights.  it means a lot to me that unlike most popular people, Gaga became the friend for all the outcast, the rebels, the bullied, the peculiar, the awkward, the flamboyant, and the obnoxious — she spoke out for all of those who could not when the world was speaking out against them.


it's funny considering all these so-called conservative groups who are protesting against her presence here, the ones who consider her as anti-Christian should know that, as Jesus has taught us, "he who is without sin, should cast the first stone" and that Jesus was here mainly for the sinners, the outcasts, the rebels.  sometimes what we consider right in our eyes, doesn't always seem so.



Born This Way

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't be a drag just be a queen ,
 Don't be a drag just be a queen, 
Don't be a drag just be a queen 
Don't be!

Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (Love needs faith)


I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way


Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way


Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way


No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.


I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

Same DNA, but born this way.
Same DNA, but born this way.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

a much needed pause

so i followed the advice i learned from my recent workshop on self excellence to take a breather. i know i need to save money to pay for estate taxes and mortgage and go back to work again tomorrow and fix my friendships but i just had to get out of the house. i went to mall, even if i hate going to the mall on weekends, and treated myself to watch a movie. well, two.

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i first heard about the book that inspired the movie in 1998 when a friend who worked from the radio station formerly known as NU107 was pregnant. of course, giving birth is something i probably will never experience. i can only imagine how it would be like. the movie was okay. it wasn't as funny as i expected it to be. i had high expectations, i guess. but Chace Crawford was hot.

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yep, i want him to have my baby.

 i love Johnny Depp. he is such a beautiful man and a great actor. i love that he chooses to play obscure roles and in the movie Dark Shadows, he is no Edward Cullen.

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the movie is based on the soap opera that was famous in the mid-1960s to the early 1970s. it is very camp but very funny. i found it totally hilarious. Barnabas Collins was cursed by Angelique, one of their servants, because he wasn't in love with her. she put a spell on the love of his life, Josette, to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff while he became a member of the undead. not only did he have him locked in an iron coffin and buried under the ground but she also made sure that years later, the Collin family business would go bankrupt.  when he finally gets unearthed due to new construction, Barnabas goes back to the Collin mansion to his family and to bring back the glory of their once successful business.  this angers Angelique, who is still alive.  she manages the fishing company that competes with the Collins but she is still very much in love with Barnabas after two hundred years.  she hopes that being buried under the ground gave him time to think and fall in love with him, but it has not.

no, it doesn't work that way, honey.  but the movie is really funny.  i was very much amused by it.   i still have the same problems when i get home but i got to pause.  now i'm ready to go to work tomorrow.

angry girl journal 05.19.2012

if two years ago, i went to him so i can run away from you because you were drunk and i don't want to be a statistic, this year, i went to you so i can forget him.

sorry about that. i didn't know what came over me.  i was just really upset.

it was nice to see you again.  it was nice that this time, between you and me, you are the saner one.  you knew why i was there.  you knew it was about him that i went to you.

i don't want to lose you as a friend, as a brother.  you are one of the few men i feel safe with.  yes, despite recent events, i trust you with my life, not just because of an oath, but because you are truly trustworthy and i know that you will sincerely and seriously look out for me.

and now you won't talk to me.  and it's sad.

***

see, you have no idea how bad i have it for you.  you have no idea about the people who get hurt because of your actions.  i know you weren't there when i kissed him and "violated" him, but, you made me so upset i had no one else to turn to.  i know it's not an excuse but you always never run out of excuses, so why shouldn't i be allowed to use lame excuses for my stupidity?

i hope you are happy.  because i'm not.

now, i can't run to anyone for anything anymore.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Jason puts my tear ducts to work with this one

while i'm not exactly a big fan of Jason Mraz, i have to give it to the man.  he really does come up with these songs that hit you and touch you to your core.  i especially like this one from his current album.  every time i hear it, it makes me want to cry, for some weird reason.  i really don't know why.  maybe because it talks about relationships and how you work to make the bond stronger despite the odds. 

I Won't Give Up
Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did  intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

because you don't give up on the ones you love. i have faith.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

what would've been my great thesis in high school

when i was still in high school, we had to write a thesis as a requirement for moving on to the next level and my topic was actually about mental retardation, particularly Down Syndrome. i had an uncle who served as my inspiration. he didn't have Down's but he was what got me to the idea. i wanted to dedicate the book to him, but during the time i was writing the piece, it wasn't exactly under my control. my father thought it wasn't right to write about something personal as it exposes and embarrasses your family. i really wanted to understand why or how my uncle became that way or why there were kids who grew up to be like that. i wanted to know how they deal with it and how their parents deal with it.  what do the parents do to make their child feel loved despite the fact that he/she is different from everyone else?

i got to the part as to how it is defined,  the causes, the symptoms, the types, but i never got to part that i really wanted to discuss in my thesis, which is the effect of the disorder to the family members, and to society.  sadly, after high school, i moved on to other things and forgot to continue my studies on the subject.  i'm not proud of it. 
 
i love the fact that Glee celebrates the underdog.  here in the PHL, being in the Glee club is the coolest thing, considering that even in a country full of singers, there are still people out there who are tone-deaf.  outside of this country, if you're in Chemistry club or Glee club, you risk getting beaten up by everyone else.   it's not as cool as being a cheerleader or being part of the basketball/football varsity team.  i love the fact that they feature a diverse group of individuals who are musically inclined and i love the fact that they have featured two characters with Down's Syndrome, Sue's sister Jean and Becky Jackson. not only do they bring out the more compassionate side of Sue Sylvester's character,  but they showcase the abilities of these differently-abled individuals.
 
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i admire Lauren Potter.  outside of Glee, she is also a White House advisor since November 2011. President Barack Obama appointed Potter to the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, where she will advise the White House on issues related to that population. i'm glad that the President of the Free World did that.

i'm sad because we don't have that here in the RP.  if we did, i may not be aware of it.  mostly people do not have any patience for them, and while we promote respect and political correctness, more often than not, the opposite happens.   maybe when i'm not too busy trying to help other people or fixing my house papers, i can continue that study the way i've always wanted. 

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

angry girl journal 05.10.2012

so i'm fat. i'm overweight. i'm obese.  i'm too huge for my age and height and i can't wear the clothes that i like. but i move quicker than most waifs i know who move slow, they drag their feet like they have this giant anvil in between their legs, weighing their vagina down.

i'm fat.  but my weight, my appearance, is not my whole being, and making me feel bad by calling me, "FAT!" just so you can feel better about yourself, does not make you any better than i am.  

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

this song reminds me of too many things


The Nicest Thing
Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something


yep, it reminds me of too many things