Sunday, March 25, 2012

there are a lot of lunatics out there

i should know. i am one of them. but i never saw myself as a victim. until today.

last night as i was watching The Breakfast Club, i heard movement in my garage and when i opened my door to check it out, there was total darkness. and i said to myself, i could've sworn, i turned on the lights. i rushed down the stairs to see that the front door light was missing. again. then i saw that the sliding window by the front door was slightly open. panic mode.

i've been living alone for almost three years now. i've been to places: Tagaytay, Cebu, Palawan, Quezon, Tarlac. i've stayed out. late. i work nights. damnit, i've even been out of the country. but i've never had people try to cross me via breaking and entering. not that it wasn't possible. i was just thinking, and forgive my naivete, the fact that i've been so nice to people they wouldn't even think of wanting to. never mind if i'm a robber's wet dream: always out. always out at night. i always thought the good in people. i've seen tv series and movies, and read books about how cruel man can be, what they'd do just to get what they want. i am no stranger to the dangers of robbers, rapists, terrorists and murderers. i believed, i had hoped, it would be different.

you remember how i always say i'm never scared of ghosts. i have three angels protecting me. i have faith in the Creator who protects all His children. but i am scared of man. i am scared of the living man and how he/she could do things that might hurt you. man is capable of lying, stealing, hurting, and killing his fellow man.

i stayed up all night. petrified. i'm used to not sleeping at all. i can go on for days without sleep. but one of the worst things i have experienced is having to lie on my own bed, in my own home, where i'm supposed to feel safe and protected, and not be able to sleep because i fear for my own life.

i do remember those days when i would cry because of how insignificant i felt, how i could have a stroke or God forbid, be killed in my own home and no one would ever find out until after three days, when they get a whiff of my decaying body's scent.

it is so sad that there are people out there who would resort to all this, in order to survive. it is sad that even with all our efforts and resources, there are still people who are not content and would do anything necessary to have it easy in life.

i am thankful to all my friends and relatives who have been supportive and who have been sending me love and prayers. i am grateful that there is a God who watches over me and my parents' house when i'm gone.

i just still cannot sleep right now.