Wednesday, February 29, 2012

pleasantly surprised

someone looks happy to see me.

it's just like Valentine's day. you were sweet. i don't understand why.

i don't understand why you even have to ask. you know what the answer is. if anything, it should be me asking. you disappear and i can't even ask you where you are. i don't have a right to ask you where you are, even when you told me that i could, or that i should.

i love what we have. it is not the most ideal but i will work with what i have.

i'm not going to ask you anything.

***

i feel bad that you didn't make it again. i know this is important to you. it would've been nice since it's your birthday this coming Friday. i'm so sorry.

i miss your company. i miss how we would talk and fight like an old married couple. i miss being comfortable with you. but now i'll never know how great this friendship would've been or if there was more to that. i always think about it: did i let you go away? or did you let me go away? did you ever think of me that way? did you think of us that way?

guess i'll never know.

***

you're here now. but i haven't done anything to try to see you. i've been wanting to see you for a while but i know it would be hard since we don't work in the same company anymore and it's a stretch for either of us (mostly on my end) if i insisted on wanting to see you. i've missed you so much.

i know there's nothing there. i would see you and you would see me but there are no sparks. i had wished there were but i know life is too complicated for both of us (mostly on your end) to even think that there was something going on there.

i am happy that i have you in my life. i am happy that when i reach out to you and time permits, you would respond even when you're miles away.

***

last Sunday, i had an accident. i tripped, fell and landed badly on the ground. caused me two bruises on my knee and one just right above my right elbow. and my friend is getting married next Monday and my bruises haven't healed. ugh.

i joke about my dead parents pushing me because i was jogging in the cemetery where they were buried and i didn't bother to bring them flowers.

i remember you. i think about you all the time. not visiting doesn't mean not remembering. it just means i'm trying my best to let go. and move on.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

this is what they do with US taxpayers money

it's been a while since i last went out and saw a movie. well, except maybe the ones i see over cable. i mean, like really go out and watch. so i asked a friend if he and his boyfriend would watch the Reese-Chris-Tom movie with me. they did. and we had a blast.

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although the plot about two men in love with the same woman has already been used many times, i haven't seen or recalled a film this funny and action-packed at the same time. FDR(Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) are CIA agents and best friends who both fall in love with Lauren (Reese Witherspoon). they agree as gentlemen not to tell her they know each other, not to interfere with each other's dates and not to have sex with her. however, they soon break their rules and use CIA technology to spy on her and discover her preferences, as well as try to sabotage one another. it was hilarious.

i really enjoyed watching this movie. hell, i think i found this funnier than i did the Adam Sandler movie i watched earlier today.

and no, i still haven't considered online dating so if you ever see a profile of me out there, it's probably fabricated and photoshopped.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

relax and watch a movie. maybe two.

i have been so stressed with work lately that i decided to watch a movie. that, and something's wrong with my cable so i had to go out and amuse myself. if this goes on for a while, i might end up buying a DVD player.

i already asked my colleague to go with me watch this other movie but when i saw the billboard of this movie and found out it was already showing in Manila, i thought i had to see it.

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The movie is a story about Jack Warren and his identical sister, Jill. Jack is a successful advertising executive in Los Angeles with a beautiful wife and kids, who dreads one event each year: the Thanksgiving visit of his "identical" twin sister Jill. Jill is very talkative and needy and it is the first time that she is celebrating the holidays(Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and New Year's Eve) alone since their mother died so she looked forward to spending them with Jack and his family. she only gets to spend four days with them and they always fight in those four days. Jack has to finish this doughnut commercial with Al Pacino so when he realizes that the actor has a big crush on his sister, he lets her stay longer with his family. this makes Jill very happy, but of course, when you lie, and they find out,you get into trouble.

once again Adam Sandler talks to us about family and brings new and funnier ways to do it. he tells us that we should never take for granted the people who care about us. i don't have a twin but i could especially relate to the movie because like jill, i'm alone and often insecure. i'm not going to get into why she is the way she is or why i am the way i am, except that we do things selfishly because we just don't understand the way things are. i know that i didn't make any sense back there but i liked the film and that's how i saw it.

the movie was panned by critics in the US but it looks pretty well-received here in Manila. i liked it. it was funny. i needed to laugh. it gave me what i needed. plus there were so many cameos in the film. i liked it.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

too violent for me, but ever so brilliant and fascinating

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"On her way to give Blomkvist a Christmas present, Salander spots Blomkvist and Berger walking together happily. Heartbroken, she throws the gift away and rides off on her motorcycle."

-- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo synopsis according to Wikipedia

i've seen this scene in my life so many times. you know when you love the guy but he runs off with the hot chick, despite everything you did to save him.

according to people who have read the book, this adaptation is way better and much closer to the author's views compared to the 2009 movie. i found it amazing although very violent as the story is about a man, Mikhael, and his mission to find out what happened to a girl who has been missing for the last forty years. as he sets out to discover the details around her disappearance, he, along with his assistant Lisbeth, solve the mystery behind the deaths of at least five other women and reunite the girl with her long lost uncle.

it just shows that no matter how sheltered and pampered we are, there are demons walking amongst us and no one can protect us, if we don't arm (meaning prepare, not like actual guns) ourselves. it makes me sad to think that sometimes, those who are supposed to protect us from harm are those that subject us to it. that is what this movie is about.

i am an angry woman, i have been for most of my life. i still am now. but i am certainly grateful to God that i am able to control that anger, despite many influences or stressors around us that may trigger violent behavior within me. at most, i mutilate myself (which i don't do now) or vent incessantly (which can bore anyone to a coma but not necessarily paralyze anyone) but i am fortunate that i have angels watching over me to make sure i don't burn out.

i was truly shocked and amazed by this film. it shocks and educates. and it reminds me how insensitive guys are. tsk.

can't wait for the sequel.