Friday, January 06, 2012

angry girl journal 01.06.2012

i'm pissed off that i have to fix a problem left by my really lazy predecessor.  i have to start over and organize everything. again.  talk about proper transitioning.

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i'm pissed off that my "best friend" uses me as an excuse to go to her girlfriend but she never seemed to have the time to come over the first two years that my dad died. what if i really get sick? how is she going to go to me then since i've "been sick" already?  real friends aren't supposed to do that.

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i'm pissed that i couldn't go to M's father's funeral. i'm pissed that i didn't have enough time to and that people around her will make me feel bad that i couldn't go.

i couldn't go because my friend's girlfriend is sick (see above) and my friend needed someone to be with her girlfriend in her absence. she used me as her alibi to be with her girlfriend. i lost so much time and now i cannot go to M's father's funeral.

i am sad because M was there when my father died and i kinda figured she forced her friends to go with her to be with me and comfort me at that time of my life.  so i really feel bad that i am not there for her now.

M and i fell out of love because i cheated on her.  she was sick all the time, she didn't know how to manage her finances and i needed someone to take care of me and stand up for me.  i see these things happening with my friend and her girlfriend right now and it pisses me off.  because things were shitty with M and me before but we never tried to inconvenience anybody else, except maybe those who really wanted to meddle with our lives.

this is all just very frustrating.