Monday, December 05, 2011

i would've marched with PRIDE

last week was very busy for me. we finally got permission from Corporate to use the company logo for the PRIDE March. it would have been my first march. most of the members of the committee were on leave so it was up to me and the remaining members to get people to sign up and march with us. of course, the free t-shirt was an incentive to people who would show up but we wanted to make sure that people would show up for the cause and not just because the shirt was free.

for those of you who just tuned in: I AM A BISEXUAL. my longest relationship was three years with a lesbian i met in law school whom i call "M" here. i've always known at an early age that i was different. i have always been attracted to both girls and boys (i think the "asshole pattern" applies to both as M was full of it) and it is not something i am ashamed of. so when the opportunity came to become a member of something like this, i wanted to become a part of it.

i've always said, i wanted to be able to embrace my truth, and this is one of those truths about me. i am attracted to women and men and i am open to having a meaningful relationship (or one with just crazy mindblowing sex) with either sex just as i am open to the idea of ending up alone. it's a choice i made a long time ago. some people might say it's a vague choice; that it's playing safe or wanting to enjoy the best of both worlds, but my point is: when i love, i do not see a man or a woman, i see a person whose heart, mind, soul i am attracted to.

in a way, i'm doing this for friends who are not as open or brave in facing their demons and making choices. i don't care about how other people perceive me or what they say about me and i take pride in who i am and what i have become. of course, there will be debates on Christianity and morality which i will not delve on right now. i just feel i have an obligation to those who have made their choices in life, to stand up for our rights and beliefs. we have to stand up for ourselves.

anyway, coming from my shift, i had to print out the registration forms for the march and we had to move from one building to another since the systems in ours were down. mad rush to other building to reach one of the committee members' assistants. i had my friend redo the file since i couldn't open the one he did. we were able to print out the forms but as soon as we got a cab i felt my blood rush up to my head. it was one of those days when once sunlight hits me i get dizzy. i threw up twice and had to make the cab stop before we could even reach the venue.

he wouldn't let me march anymore. he said i should just go home after we gave them the forms. good thing, some of my friends were there in the area and we told them to pick us up. my head didn't feel any better in the car but at least i wasn't throwing up anymore.

i felt really bad i couldn't march. later in the evening i got a text message saying that our delegation had the most number of turnouts. it made me happy that even if i couldn't physically make it, they knew i was there in spirit and our efforts paid off.