Wednesday, September 28, 2011

missing my kids at the cheering squad

i miss my "kids". when i moved over here, we just concluded the Sports Fest in the previous company and they were starting theirs here. it reminded me of them and how much i missed them, how much work i put into them. i recruited them for the group, i supervised almost all their practices, i fed them, i supported them, i got them their costumes. kulang na lang ako magsilang sa kanila eh.

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but the kids here. i don't feel as strongly about them as i should. maybe i will eventually but my allegiance right now still remains with the old group. they are better and much cuter. i know that sounds mean, but like a mother, i'm also protective of this group.

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***

here we go again. you don't have to thank me or say you love me all the time. i know. i love what we have and i accept that this is what we have. i just don't want to have to lead you on to say it. i want you to say it not because i led you to say it or because you had no choice but to say it, like i forced it out of you. sometimes i just need to hear it. it does help a friend sometimes if he/she knew that she is doing a great job as a friend, that you are grateful that she is there for you all the time, whenever you need her, for moral support, for venting, or when you're short of cash. sometimes, you just feel like how all my other friends treat me: YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.

***

i like you. i like talking to you. but like everybody else i've pined over, i don't think this will go anywhere. i'm not hot or exceptionally attractive for you to want to be interested in me. and besides, you are already spoken for so i wouldn't even waste time thinking about how good you look.

if only you didn't look so good.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

the stalker becomes the stalkee

as they say, everything comes full circle. even the art of stalking.

for about two or three weeks now, i've been a bit paranoid because the sidecar boys have been asking me if i'm already going to work. without meaning to offend them and without giving too much information i accommodate the inquiries. i don't really want them to notice any real pattern about where and when i'm going because you cannot really trust anyone these days. i'm not trying to be mean or judgmental - just trying to protect myself. i've seen to many shows about serial rapists and killers not to be too careful.

just this week, one of them asked if they could get my mobile number for someone. said that someone is interested to know about me. apparently, i have an admirer. they said that the person asking for my number has been waiting for quite some time now but is too shy to approachme . they said i've seen him around i just don't notice.

I DO?! most of the time i just step out of the house and leave. how am i supposed to notice who waits for what and who?! if anybody had the time or resources to bother waiting and asking around, that would be reason to be scared right?

the next day, he finally sits with me, this kid (i was told he is only 24 years old)and asks me what took me so long because he had been waiting all afternoon for me to come out. then he asks me arrogantly for my number. if you had worked in a call center and have some experience with inbound sales, you may have heard of the term "presumptive close" which is basically assuming that the other person already wants to buy something you're selling, blindly and without question just because you said so. in this scenario, this guy believes that i will miraculously give my number just because he said so. again, he didn't ask for it, he was "ordering" me to give him my mobile number. ha! like i would fall for that jedi mind trick.

of course, i didn't give him my number. of course, i wasn't impressed. of course, by the time i got to the main road to go to work, he was disappointed that a girl like me would still have the galls to reject him.

i don't judge people by their appearances and i would welcome the opportunity, every chance i get, to meet new people. but a guy like that, with his SMS (Small Man Syndrome - short guys tend to overcompensate for their lack of height), and his lackluster approach to me, didn't really give me much to work on. didn't get me interested at all. you'd think with all that time in his hands waiting for me, he'd be prepared to rebut all my statements to deter him from getting my number.

while i think it's really sweet that a young man would sit and wait all afternoon for a mean old fat lady to come out of the house to go to work (it's also creepy, really), and the gesture could make any girl melt. all that waiting wouldn't really get anywhere. he doesn't look like he's going anywhere. my life has no direction as it is. i don't intend to babysit. i'm already babysitting people who have direction, and we're still going around in circles. imagine how difficult it is to take care of someone who doesn't even know what he wants to do with his life, or doesn't have any plans. i may be patient but i just don't want to waste my time on this.

oh, and while i do have this thing for arrogant assholes, these are the type who can fend for themselves and who have accomplished some sort of license to be arrogant, i don't have time for arrogant bums.

Monday, September 05, 2011

so much for moving to a new environment

it truly is a small small world.

i was thinking that if i left the company i was currently in to move to this other one that i'd be rid of some of that pent up anger and negative energy from working in the previous company. i had anticipated that some of the people who i worked with would be here but i didn't think i would see so many people i know.

a friend had a recommendation for me: if you don't want to see them, chances are, they feel the same way about you. so if you see anyone you know, just smile. if they don't smile back, you just stay as you were, as if you haven't seen anyone or anything.


***

it doesn't really help that we see each other still. or we talk on the phone everyday. or text each other. or email each other. part of the reason i took this gig was to run away from you. forget you. well, not really forget you, but get over the romantic feelings for you. because there are days when i can't draw the line anymore. we're not together anymore, we don't work together but somehow it just feels like i never left.

of course, i'm over you. there are just days when you tend to act a certain way which makes me react a certain way and frankly, i don't want to have to deal with that all over again. it's exhausting, to say the least. if you decide to move here then it will never help me. i have moved on from those feelings. i am okay with us being friends. you just have to act like one. it doesn't help me, as a person, when you as a friend, say this and that, but you're never really up to it. i don't need an absentee best friend. if you move, we'll start fighting again and there will be talk again and i'm so sick of that drama. you moving will mean that i have someone to rely on, some of the time, but more for me to worry about.

i wish you the best of everything. i know you are a great person and i know you will make a wonderful contribution, given your amass of talent to this company. i just won't know how to deal.

Saturday, September 03, 2011

would've appreciated the latino crash course

my friend and i just watched the musical In The Heights. i've heard about the play from my friends and i had no idea what the story was about only that it's a great musical and it had a latin flavor to it. i didn't even know if i would like it. but when i saw Felix Rivera get out the stage, i had a smile on my face. i knew i was going to like it.

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the story is about a community in Manhattan's Washington Heights where everyone has grown to be a family. Usnavi (he got his name from one of the navy fleets when his parents arrived in the country) owns a store where everyone gets their coffee. there is a parlor right next to it where his crush, Vanessa works. there is a cab terminal right next to it, owned by Kevin and Camila Rosario, who want nothing but the best for their only daughter studying at Stanford, Nina; Benny, the only non-Spanish speaking member of the community and Kevin's employee, falls in love with Nina; and then there's Abuela Claudia, who is the matriarch of the neighborhood.

each and everyone of them have big dreams, high hopes. Kevin wants to make sure that Nina doesn't have to work as hard as he did, having a demanding father. Nina wants to make it on her own without worrying her parents. Benny wants to have his own car service. Vanessa just wants to get out of this town and Usnavi - well, he just wants to ask Vanessa out and fulfill all of her dreams.

i didn't have high expectations of the characters as i didn't know of the story beforehand so i wasn't disappointed. although i have to agree with a friend's observation that Felix, having been a regular of these plays, doesn't become his character anymore. he's just Felix. and watching a play, you want to fall in love with the character, not just the person playing it. i feel that while i loved the story and the actors did a great job of playing the characters, they didn't exactly "transform". some of the songs were good and entertaining, i just didn't understand them as they were in Spanish.

lastly, i just hate it when people watch a play, just for the sake of watching or because somebody put them up to it, so they don't try to understand what it is to you or what it means for other people. there was this one scene, one of the more important ones in the play where the matriarch dies and everyone is sad, teary-eyed and very emotional and some idiot in the audience (person behind me) said, "sino si Claudia?" (who's Claudia?) and it totally ruined it for me and my friend. we had to stop ourselves from laughing. pay attention next time, sweetie.