Sunday, August 14, 2011

it's like my life flashed before me

the goal was to finish reading the book before the movie came out in Manila theaters. i finished it early this morning, or one week, to be exact. that's something i can say i can be proud of myself, considering i can't even get myself to pick up the other books that i bought.

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it was the trailer that caught my attention, actually. that and the stack of books of the old cover that they were putting up on sale because the movie was going to be out soon and they wanted to sell at a much higher price the cover that featured the actors. of course, aside from the wonderful trailer featuring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess (i heart him ever since Across the Universe), the idea of a book about friends who have been with each other for approximately twenty years got to me. who from the opposite sex have i been friends with for that amount of time? and what happened?

One Day is the story about two friends, Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew, who had an almost-one-night-stand after their college graduation, and have been friends ever since. while there has always been that sexual tension between them, they did not ever explore what could've been between them until after they have both been involved with someone else (him, more than her, he was such an insensitive wanker) and it didn't work out. for all his insensitivity though, one of my favorite lines in the book, which is also featured on the back page, is this line Dexter wrote in one of his few letters to Emma:

"you're gorgeous, you old hag, and if I could give you just one gift ever for the rest of your life it would be this. Confidence. It would be the gift of confidence. either that or a scented candle."

Emma wanted to change the world through her writing and had always been Dexter's big supporter in his TV presenting career. he had always believed in her when she didn't believe in herself and while he knows and notices how wonderful a woman Emma is, he didn't find out how wonderful until it was too late.

as i read the book i felt more and more bad about myself. i could relate to the characters. it reminded me of those years when i was this masochistic rejection junkie. i don't even know why i was such a doormat, allowing people to take me for granted like that. there was jade, then link, and a bunch of other guys, and then there's you. i think, i'd like to think that i have grown over the years not to dwell on those thoughts anymore. i have realized that i cannot go on my life waiting on someone who doesn't love me back. and that thing that they always say about how you keep searching for something for so long when it was just right in front of you. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN. not in real life. well, not in my life anyway. i have always been dangling, whether intentionally or unintentionally, in front of someone, but somehow they never saw me that way and no one in my line of sight seems to be sticking around long enough for me to notice them pining over me. trust me, all four eyes of me were paying attention but there is no one there.

i wish i had my own "Dexter". not the serial killer Dexter but the One Day Dexter. maybe i do. but if i did, i wish i also had an "Ian" to make him realize that i have been here all this time.

and yet, that's why i love the book and anticipate the movie. i want to feel somehow that there is still hope for me, for someone i love and someone who will hopefully love me back, even if it does take some years in the making. if it is bound to happen, it should be wonderful, right? i have done time. it's only right that when it does happen, if assuming it will ever, then it will be wonderful and no one will regret wasting so much time ignoring what was just there because they have known all along.