Sunday, August 28, 2011

it's like my life flashed before me 2

so i had to keep quiet because i was the only one in the lot who read the book and knows exactly how it would end, but somehow, it still shocked me.

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there is no denying that Anne Hathaway is an amazing actress. not to many people might agree with that but i like her and i believe, that even with the slips in the accent (it is set in London, St. Swithin's Day, every year, since 1988 and she is not Dr. House), that she has given Emma justice. the breakthrough artist is Jim Sturgess, who does a good job of playing the "most annoying (in the book, he is "odious") man on television and yet, you could feel his pain, upon losing his mother to cancer, and later on, losing Emma.

of course, reliving the story through the movie brought back those feelings again, which is great considering it IS my birthday after all, and that's not something you want to celebrate with. but then, growing to be this old means learning to endure the pain of unrequited love, of death, of being alone.

i am not a kid anymore. i make mistakes and learn from them; i decide how to live my life, stand by those decisions and live with the consequences. we all want to change the world, in little ways, big ways; we all want to feel love and be loved; we all want to make a difference. we all want to be missed when we are gone and secretly wish that those who weren't paying attention would regret doing so when that happens. i know i do. i also know i don't want to miss telling people i love them when i do. carpe diem, remember? if it doesn't work out, if they don't love me back then at least i don't have to carry it with me to the grave. i am heavy enough as it is, i don't need to carry any more excess baggage. at least now, i just know enough not to let myself be taken for granted anymore. do allow for slips in judgment, though. i do have patterns, and some of them aren't very good.

i still wish i had my own "Dexter". not the serial killer Dexter but the One Day Dexter. maybe i already do. but if i did, i'd still wish i also had an "Ian" to make him realize that i have been here all this time.