Sunday, June 19, 2011

green is the will to overcome the fear

Green means:
Go
Plants
Save the environment

Yellow means:
Slow down
Citrus fruits
M’s favorite color

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I love Ryan Reynolds. I still can’t forgive him for breaking up with Alanis Morissette, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a wonderful actor. He’s smart, sexy and most of all, he’s very funny. It made me happy that he was chosen to play the role of Green Lantern. We need really hot smart and funny super heroes. Saving the planet is already a seriously daunting task. We need someone great enough to do it who doesn’t have to make it look like he’s suffering. We need someone relatable, make it look like we can do our own little world saving.

In the movie Green Lantern, yellow represents fear and how it eats up each and every one of us, how powerful it can be when we let it get the better of us while green represents our will to overcome that fear. Here, we also see Ryan Reynolds as fighter pilot Hal Jordan who has spent his whole life living up to his father’s reputation as one of the greatest pilots who ever lived. Since his father’s death, people have been giving him a hard time about filling those shoes and while he is one of the best (his childhood sweetheart happens to be the other one) fighter pilots, trying to be as great as his father is not on the top of his list. he's just trying to get by.

when the owner of the ring, Abin Sur, is weakening, he sends out the ring to go and choose its new champion and the ring chooses Hal. Hal, the accidental and reluctant hero starts the training but hesitates because he is scared that he might not deserve the ring. he is afraid it might be too much responsibility and he will fall short of expectations. meanwhile, their other childhood playmate, Hector, the son of the senator and also secretly in love with Carol, is tasked to be the one to do the autopsy of Abin Sur and is infected by Parallax, the essence of fear. he embraces the power willingly as he gets to inflict pain on his father and Carol and Hal.

i like the line that Hal used in order to ask for help from the other green lantern corps. i can't remember it exactly but i admired how he used being human not as a weakness (in the movie, he initially backs out on responsibility by saying he is only human) but as a strength, one that allows us to overcome our fear, to be helpful to our fellow humans and inhabitants of the planet.

he is right. we are human. how you use that, whether as inspiration to overcome obstacles and discover new things or as a deterrent to get off responsibility, it is entirely up to you.

Monday, June 13, 2011

of mutant pride and eight-legged aliens who want to go home

it’s been a while since i last saw a movie so after watching over cheer dance practice i thought i’d ask a friend to go with me to watch X-Men: First Class.

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when i saw that they were showing the X-Men prequel, i wanted so much to see it. of course, James McAvoy playing Charles Xavier was one of the factors but i was really interested to know how everything started. unlike most people who are big comic book fanatics, i only found out about them when the movies started coming out and i have to say that i really am fascinated. but unlike most people, i didn’t get to watch the movie until its second week. other than the fact that i’m so tired from work, being sorta behind everybody else was a little frustrating.

so the movie takes us to when Charles and Erik were still kids, teenagers. they’re starting to discover their powers and abilities and other people like them. while Erik spent most of his life fighting for survival, being Jewish during the Nazi invasion, Charles had it relatively easy. he and Moira (Mystique) had been friends even before he and Erik had been friends. when the movies came out, we always thought that Mystique was Erik’s right hand but she was actually Charles’s best friend who was probably even secretly in love with him at the time. the movie shows how Erik met Charles and how their great friendship started. how Charles had a way of calming Erik, taking away his anger (i know i am making their friendship sound a little gay, but not intentionally) and making him use his power to the full potential and learning how to manipulate it, without needing to be angry all the time. they found others just like them and trained them how to control their powers instead of the other way around.

but it was also the time of wars. it was the time when the war had just ended and all the countries were trying to make peace so understanding mutants were last on the list of priorities. and you know how man is, always hating, always fighting what they cannot understand, making it more difficult for mutants to blend in.

the movie is great and i don't understand why i waited so long to watch it.

***
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Super 8 is the new movie from producer/director Steven Spielberg. it’s about a bunch of teenagers trying to film their own zombie movie in the town of Lily, Ohio.

i zoned off for a while.

then i suddenly understand the story. the alien has been in the planet for a while but since we humans like to do experiments, it didn't have enough to leave the planet. so it was trying its best to get all that it can to make another spaceship while the military is trying its best to keep the information from the people and stop it from leaving at the same time. everyone was confused except for the kids, especially the sheriff's son, who wanted to go to the bottom of this and save his crush.

it reminded me of E.T. because all it wanted was to go home while a bunch of kids wanted to keep him as a house pet. the kids of Super 8 didn't really want a house pet, they just wanted to make a zombie movie and be accepted by their crush.

in the end, the alien gets to go home and the teenagers finish their movie about zombies.

***

mutants. aliens. humans. it all boils down to acceptance. unless you learn to accept who you are, you won't be able to get people to accept you. more often than not, people won't take the time to try to understand you. they will understand what they want to understand. that's where the conflict starts. whether it's humans against mutants or humans against aliens or even humans against humans, if we don't try to understand the other side, there will always be misunderstanding that will lead to battles, wars and casualties.

it always helps to be a little open.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

i don't need to be an english major to do this - i don't even have to have any training background

so i have been sending out applications within and outside of the company i'm currently working for because i want to be able to do something different, if not move to a different working environment. it is difficult to move to something else, especially if you've been awesome at what you do, people don't really want you to do something else or go anywhere else. that or people think that that's the only thing you can do even if your education or capabilities speak otherwise.

case in point was an application i sent internally. the position was for an English Communications Officer. this was going to be that part of the training department that makes sure that you speak well to your customers and there is no language barrier between you. so i thought i'd take a shot at it since i do have exceptional written and communication skills (if in doubt, i ask my two American bosses), and while i haven't really taught other people in a classroom setting, i have been a mentor before. so you can just imagine how pissed i was when one of the people from this department who doesn't know how to construct her sentences right, sends me an email telling me that i need a background in training in order to apply for the job.

WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?!?!?!?!?!

for starters, her boss already responded to me, politely. her boss didn't shut me but she told me that the one other position i wanted to apply for really needed training experience. fine, i get THAT. but the other position doesn't necessarily need it. i know they're just pooling right now. but you know. besides, didn't all trainers start from nothing except their product knowledge before they became trainers? don't all team leaders all start from being agents until they are given the opportunity to step up and lead other people?

if we're going to turn down everyone just because they don't have this or they don't have that before we even see what they can do, or what they have in them then we will never develop as a country, as a people, as human beings. shouldn't we give people a chance before we even judge them? if you're going to shoot me down before giving me a chance when you don't even call the shots, and this is considering that you and i are both from the same company before these people bought us, then you are no different from them who are part of this company that bought us who don't like us just because they think they're better than we are.

and, hello?! this may be bad of me to say, but since you pissed me off too badly because of what you said, which even if i think about it, like maybe you just made a mistake in saying it, so i shouldn't be mad at you. but you did mean it, and not because you just don't really know how to express yourself in english properly because otherwise, you wouldn't find it necessary to add the smiley face after saying that i needed training background to apply for this joint. then why the hell can't you deliver the people that we need for our operations ramps? why do you keep losing all the papers that i forward to you?

i don't want to be mean. i am rarely mean and even if i was, i feel about it afterwards. call me bitter and yeah, it will take a while for me to get over it. i can forgive what she said but not right now. and i feel horrible that i feel this way because i wouldn't last in a job where i report directly to an American boss, talk to numerous foreign clients, and send correspondence in english if i didn't think i was going to be good at it to actually apply for this other role. so telling me i need to be a trainer first so you won't interview me or give me a chance to apply for a role really pisses me off.

that's it. i'm done venting. still mad but it's not like i'm going to annihilate the person when i see her at work. i just feel really bad that there are actually people that insensitive.

googling wedding songs

my friend Beth is getting married next year and as early as now, she's been bugging our friend Chris to look up really nice wedding songs for her. like me, Chris very much doesn't want those old boring traditional songs to be played in Beth's wedding.

yes, there's a possibility i will sing in her wedding. or wear pink. the things we do for the ones we love. i may not necessarily believe in marriage but i respect other people who do and more than anything, i want the people close to me to find that everlasting legal binding love. Beth has suffered too much to not be happily married.

i heard this in the finale of Bones Season 6 while Angela was giving birth. i didn't know that it was also used in Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding as their first dance. Chris thinks it's a stalker song. well, you know me, i'm into break up songs, songs of unrequited love, stuff like that and i don't want anything conventional. so i fell in love with this song by Adele.

Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love


we don't always find the love we want and even when we do, there's no guarantee that they'll love us back. but it shouldn't stop us from making them feel that.

Monday, June 06, 2011

the unbroken link between me and Link

last night i went out with my classmates from high school. it has been years since i last saw them and i was a bit apprehensive about showing up. you know how it is when you meet people you haven’t seen for a while, they tend to ask you questions you don’t want to answer because you don’t know the answer to them or you just simply don’t want to hear the truth yourself. questions like: what are you doing now? do you have a boyfriend/husband already? shit like that.

i also didn’t want to show up because of the initial awkwardness i would feel seeing either Link or Jade again. Link recently got married and his wife just gave birth while Jade and i had this fight over text about how much of an asshole he was. i wasn’t looking forward to getting laid seeing it was that time of the month, but i sorta knew that if i saw either of them, it would come up.

Jade was still in the studio so chances are, he wasn’t going to make it. Link showed up. i kinda knew judging by the way he looked at me that it was there – the whole smiling thing he and i had a few years back. he was still hoping he could collect, after all my disclaimers: dirty house, monthly period, his marital status. i even told him about this young guy from work with the same marital status, who wanted to be “violated” and Link said that unlike that guy, he didn’t have a problem with a dirty house so you could tell that he was being very persistent. you’d think that since i haven’t been sexually active for the last forty-four months i would jump at the chance to get in bed with someone but here i was discouraging it.

i’d like to think that over the years i have changed or at least, my emotional quotient has increased. i no longer find myself in compromising situations and if i have, i try my best to do the right thing. case in point: Cebu. i liked this guy very much and i had all the opportunity to seduce him had i wanted to but we preferred to look the other way and respect each other. case in point#2: Marikina. we were both tired but i knew that if i tried to do something, somehow he would’ve reciprocated (or refused, either way, i would find out had i done something) but i didn’t. i couldn’t risk it. the friendship was too important.

i come to think now, that i do have this thing for assholes (Link said, “Ouch!” when i said this and yet he was still hoping to get laid, which confirmed it) because only a guy who comes out as strong as an asshole can make me bend my will (just like you did last Saturday – but don’t ever do that again as i have a name. i love that you apologized because you knew, i loved that somehow you could control me to a certain degree as if i were some kid – again, attractive and irritating at the same time) or succumb to my carnal needs. just like Link. to his credit, i find that he gives more weight to what i say better than Jade does. Jade is just that guy who takes everything that you give for granted but he doesn’t thank you for it because you give it all freely. he will never reciprocate or acknowledge the fact that you do everything for him. the thank you comes as an afterthought but there is no remorse. and all this time, after Link has made me the cold and unfeeling person that i am, i never thought that i would be grateful to him than i would Jade who was supposed to be “the more sensitive one”. yes, Jade, with all his pain and depth, is the bigger ass.

Link apparently still has that effect on me, or i to him. i told him about this conversation i had with Jade before when i was still immature and hoping that he and i would end up together. i just thought it weird and a big disservice to me that after all the years of friendship, it was perfectly acceptable that we had this carnal relationship but it never evolved into something deep and meaningful like an actual relationship, with commitment. di ba? Link just owned up to being an ass. obviously he was thinking with his second head. he didn't apologize but he never really pretended to be all nice guy goody two shoes with me. after all, he was the one who made me numb. he was the one who taught me not to care, that it was perfectly fine to have "something but not really" with someone.

i thought of you. ALL DAY. i thought of you, while with him. then i thought, you couldn’t care less what happened to me (except i feel and know you do), so why should i stop doing something that could be immensely enjoyable for me? of course i didn’t, given all the limitations i enumerated above. it didn’t have to be you. you and i have settled and discussed that i don’t think of you that way (even though that incident in the room made me curious) so it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that it wasn’t you. it just simply wasn’t me anymore. i’ve matured.

Link is hoping to have a go with me again, that way. i’m having second thoughts because it has been a while but undoubtedly, that second thought isn’t coming from my brain but some other part of my anatomy. it would have been fun. but i know that i’m not just after fun anymore. i’m so much better than that and i definitely deserve nothing less.