Monday, February 07, 2011

movie where you can learn a lot of seductive pole dancing moves


i never liked Christina Aguilera. i never liked their whole batch of blond teeny boppers with record deals (although i do like Mandy Moore, her choice of film roles and the fact that she didn’t have to strip off her clothes to sell records was very impressive) and really lousy songs. i hated their irritating songs and their more irritating videos. i didn’t think they deserved to be role models of that era. i appreciated some of their songs but i just didn’t like them in general. you know the type where instead of listening to any of their songs, i’d choose a root canal. it didn’t help that my father liked them and whenever he had dates he’d tell them the records were mine. Christina had the most powerful pipes among them, no doubt. i just didn’t like them period.

Burlesque is like Chicago and Fame and them other movies mixed into one. the movie starts with Christina’s character Ali asking her employer for her pay from last month so she can move to Los Angeles to pursue a singing career. employer refuses to pay her and her co-worker, so as soon as he leaves, she takes out money from the cash register. enter song production number number one.

so she moves on to leave, with her savings and starts looking for a job when she gets to LA, none of whom would accept her until she chances upon a bar called Burlesque. all the while she thinks it’s a strip club but when she enters the bar she is fascinated by the girls dancing, how graceful they are, how she couldn’t take their eyes off them. they commanded the stage and she wanted part of the action. the bartender, Jack, tells her that if she really wanted to become a dancer, to look for Tess (played by Cher) and then enter another song production number.

to make it simple because i’m not really good at this: boy meets girl, girl wants to be a dancer. girl applies to be a dancer with the owner (who is being offered to sell the club in favor of a hotel building) of the club and her gay best friend but they don’t think she has what it takes or that this is perfect time for holding auditions. girl has a run in with one of the more famous of the girl dancers who also happens to be an alcoholic biatch. girl really wants to be part of the action so she decides she’ll wait on tables until the owner of the club lets her work there. girl goes back to her apartment and finds that it was trashed and the money she so carefully hid by the water closet is now gone. girl runs to boy bartender’s apartment and he offers to let her stay until she finds a job or a new place, whichever comes first. she also thinks he is gay until he shows her a picture of his fiancée. one of the girl dancers gets pregnant so club owner holds auditions and of course, girl applies and she manages to talk her way to becoming one of the dancers. like the great Jessica Zafra said, talking is a form of manipulation – people will do anything to make you shut up.

so the alcoholic star dancer messes up so girl gets a chance to fill in for her. since she gets sabotaged when it’s her turn to lipsynch, she sings live and they realize she has a good voice. here starts her story of becoming the star of the Burlesque bar so the mogul who wants to buy out the bar starts buying her shoes, flowers, taking her out and she goes out with him even if she’s still just secretly in love with bartender.

to make long story short, moral of the story is that you should never forget where you came from and never turn your back on the people who knew you before you were famous; never believe a drunk guy who says he broke up with his fiancée over the phone because chances are she’ll show up and he’ll throw you out of the house; never be blinded by the glamour because they will fade and true friends will still save you; never go to work drunk and never underestimate a girl who has dreams of becoming a singer in a burlesque bar because she will steal your air rights.

the movie was okay, the music was okay, the production numbers, both song and dance were okay. i thought it was okay. it didn’t blow me away but it didn’t bore me either. it was nice. Cam Gigandet, the guy who plays Jack (if he’s familiar, that’s because he played James in that sorry ass of a vampire movie Twilight), the bartender, is really hot. Eric Dane, although a little older, still hot.

and Cher? Cher still has it. she is still the patron saint, if not the goddess of all gay men. Regine Velasquez is only a demigod.