Wednesday, January 05, 2011

seriously, we're still talking about this?

no kidding, i actually thought i conjured up that conversation. honestly, wasn't that all a figment of our very vivid and productive imaginations? who would've thought that after celebrating the New Year, you and i would still be teasing each other.

i'd be a hypocrite if i said that i wasn't affected by what you say to me. i am flattered, to say the least. why would i not be? i'm fat and ugly and you think of me as a sex object?! you can't imagine what that does to my self-esteem. it's true, i'm not like most women you would ever get to talk to in your life. the responses i give to you will not be the same responses you will get from other women. i am naughty, just as you are and i have this insane ability to tease and keep the boys hanging. that's why you're married, and i'm single.

" . . . i'm not like the girls that you've known, but i believe i'm worth coming home to . . . "
- Tori Amos, Sleeps with Butterflies

i cannot say that i'm not tempted to bite, because you are asking nicely. but i can't help but think that this may all be a trap, a test, one i am surely failing, miserably. whether or not you are unhappy with your married life is of no consequence; it doesn't change the legal fact that you are. you are yummy, and if nobody has come up to you and say that, that's why you feel the need to fish or flirt with seemingly unhappy, bitter single women, let me tell you now: YOU ARE HOT. YOU ARE DESIRABLE. YOU ARE SMART. YOU ARE SWEET. YOU ARE ALSO MARRIED.

i am grateful to you. you prove to me that people are not oblivious to the fact that i work hard, that i am beautiful, that i am wonderful and that i am a great singer. moreover, you prove to me that i am worth loving and that i deserve no one but the best. i deserve nothing less. you and i don't know each other but i feel that somehow i can trust you and that you trust me. you encourage me, if not to lose weight, or fix myself, to clean the house, because i never know who might come over to be violated. or to violate me. but you also convinced me, that i deserve someone out there better than yourself.

this will pass. you excite me. you flatter me. you make me smile. you said so yourself, i look pretty when i smile. but i'm reserving the right of undressing me of the Santa suit, fishnet stockings and "fuck me" boots for someone else less complicated.