Thursday, January 06, 2011

avoiding awkward moment number something something

get over yourself. there are other factors at work here, some even bigger than yourself. you have to open your brain to the idea that it's not just about you or me. when will you ever learn?

***
let's face it: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU. they hate you more than they hate me. that's a fact. it doesn't help that you're an ass with this whole devil-may-care attitude. you're stubborn, you're impulsive and when you think you're right, even when you're wrong, you assert yourself. that's why we get along. that's also why we argue. that's also why other people don't like you, despite your best efforts - your failure to see the bigger picture.

i'd like to think that after all this time, you've learned something, as i'd like to think i'm learning something. it doesn't help that people still hate us for it, it just means that we're both learning from each other. there's also the fact that people might not have the same appreciation for you as i have. no matter what i do, or say, it doesn't change that. people have their own perception of you and even if you prove them wrong, they will always think about what you've done wrong.

i know it's not about me. i know i shouldn't be there. if there was any better time to be away from you, it was now. after all,you weren't talking to anyone anyway. but what kind of friend would i be if i abandoned you at the time you needed someone the most? i wouldn't be able to live with myself. besides, i promised to watch your back, remember?

i just had to leave. i have things to do and i can't stay even if i wanted to. i'm just trying to avoid being awkward.

***
so we stop flirting for a while and really start working. it was fun while it lasted, though. you gave me a thrill for a time and i needed that. thank you so much for your time. now it's all business, nothing awkward except maybe i still want to bite you. oh well. at least i'm not breaking any rules. like i said, the more i want it, the more i know it's not happening. i know that once it happens, whatever it is, whenever, wherever it will be, when it's done, it will be awkward, so i'd rather not.