Sunday, October 10, 2010

searching for my own Booth


i've always been a fan of the series Bones since it first aired on local TV. i was very thankful seeing David Boreanaz on the small screen again after Angel was cancelled. the show was, is interesting because just when you thought a perfect crime was committed, the cause of death can be determined and the perpetrator can be apprehended and brought to justice just by looking at his/her bones. also, the dynamics between Brennan and Booth is amazing. their partnership is very solid, kinda like Scully and Moulder. they keep you hanging if they will or will not but you appreciate the kind of relationship they have regardless.

i always say here that i wish to have a straight male best friend, and in many ways, i believe i have. i just have to stop falling for them (haha)and start appreciating that i already have what i asked for. i asked for someone who will understand my neurosis, someone who loves music (even if music doesn't seem to love them back), someone who is funny and who is always there to cheer me up when i feel so bad, someone who looks out for me. oh, yeah, all my male friends (all my friends for that matter, whether straight or gay, regardless of sex, age, race and sexual orientation) are attractive.

i think i already have you. you are sweet and you are there to listen to me whine, vent and linger. i'm there all the time to listen to you whine, vent and linger. we complement each other and like Bones and Booth, we help each other evolve into better human beings. there are times when we argue but we work things out. i can tell you everything and you tell me everything and we trust each other. however, i have this constant fear that between protecting me and saving your ass, you will save your ass first, unlike Bones and Booth. they have this bond, this unspoken promise. you know that should either one of them be attacked, whether verbally or physically, should either one of them be under any harm, the other will be there to seek ways to protect the other. they see each other through - something i'm not sure i have with you.

i trust you. maybe i just don't trust you enough. or maybe so many instances for me to let you know and prove that i'm watching your back are there, but not so many where you can show me that you're watching over me.

i know you. you know me. sometimes, we know each other too well better than the other. i just hope you know that. i just hope you appreciate all of this, the way i think i can say i can give up all for you. i know you do, you just don't say it enough and even when you do, you can't find the right words. that's how you and i are such great partners: you provide the numbers and i come up with the words. sometimes, you even use the phrases you learn from me to get back at me when we argue. asshole.

i love the series whether Booth and Bones end up together or not. friendship is the best foundation of great relationship. i love you, i love our friendship, i love our partnership, whether we end up together or not. i would hate to lose you just because there are times when i hope for something else.

i'm not even going to do anything. i love the status quo. i fear that if i aspire for more, i would lose what's more important. i'm making the most of what's given to me. of course, i could be happier.

by happier, i mean confirmation that you see me as your Bones and you as my Booth without the usual awkwardness because one has strong feelings* for the other.

*strong feelings may not necessarily be love. it could be also be disdain.