Sunday, October 24, 2010

angry girl journal 10.22.2010

"if a guy is already trying to kiss you, why would you want to meet with someone else?"

words of wisdom from my itay Nathan. he has a point.

i tell you that he has a point and you get back to me, asking me the same thing. why do YOU think i went over to meet YOU when HE was already trying to kiss me? i'm not sure who between the two of us is more stupid: me, for running away from him to meet you when he was obviously there for me, or you, for not getting that i wasted a perfectly great opportunity to be in a great relationship (if not a perfectly great opportunity to get laid after three years) just to be with you. you're really REALLY dense, do you know that?

you are being very sweet than your usual self lately. i get that. you're surprising me more frequently these days. i don't know what the deal is. i'm just going to be grateful that you are and not try to over-analyze the situation. i'm just happy you're still with me. because now, he is not.

***

i know i was wrong for leaving. i know i was wrong for thinking that you wouldn't care. of course, you do. i'm just not sure how much. i was always sure how much you cared for me. i was always sure that you would be there, that i can count on you to be there.

basically, i was scared because after we kissed i don't think i would ever feel that secure anymore. i didn't know how i feel about you or what happened. i don't know how you feel about me or what happened. i'm afraid i might not like what i find out. i've always felt that if i call you, i know that no matter what happens i know, i feel, i am SURE you will be there for me. i feel bad because now, i'm not so sure.

i don't know how i would react after we meet again. i don't even know what i'd say. i don't know how i'd feel.

i just need you to talk to me again. i wish you would talk to me again. please talk to me again.