Monday, September 27, 2010

why i rarely show my face at the bar site

so yesterday, i went over to the bar site, like i did the first two Sundays, as Bar Ops for my fraternity brother Maki.

i brought Jonathan along so he could see the dynamics of me and Maki. that way he wouldn't complain that i was trying to argue with him all the time if he saw how Maki and i talked to each other. that would also be a good way of explaining to Maki what i've been preoccupied with. if he knew someone that i knew from work, he'd understand why i don't show up a lot in these fraternity/sorority functions.

i love my organization. i didn't stay that long with them, and i may have joined then for the wrong reasons, but i love the principles we stand for. most especially, i love my brothers and sisters in the org. never mind if the feeling is not mutual. i know you cannot please everybody.

so we have this sorority sister who's probably been pissed at me for the longest time. well, not just at me, but her anger is always directed at somebody because she's just so good at being self-righteous. i guess she never got over the fact that i came between two of her best lesbian friends, A and M, who also happened to be our sorority sisters.

apparently she didn't appreciate the photoshoot i had with Jayson and Mark. it was probably too obscene for her taste. i didn't think it was. if i felt it would be offensive to anyone, i wouldn't bother posting it on Facebook. i thought it was great, it wasn't distasteful or pornographic. besides, since when did i ever act like a girl or show any sort of confidence about my looks? i checked out the profiles of all our other sorority sisters and there was no way she could be referring to anybody else. i was right in front of her. if she was so pissed off with me, or my pictures, or if she thought i was maarte, she could have said so. no need to make parinig. it's so childish. what are we, twelve? and, if you needed for Jonathan to take pictures of the org, you could always ask nicely. no need to call him names, no need to drop hints you don't like his and my presence there. we're old, we're mature, we're not stupid. we can take hints, you know. i also didn't like the fact that she was trying to harbor sympathy from our other sisters. i felt offended that when we took a group picture she tried to cover me. how rude can you get?

the great Jessica Zafra said in her book Chicken Pox for the Soul that if you are offended by something, you have the option not to see it. hypocrisy is also obscene.

M and A try their best to be civil to me. they obviously have moved on with their lives and Bels is just a very bad dream that came between their friendship. i have moved on.


***
it was nice seeing you again. i'm sorry we didn't work out. i'm glad that even if i hurt you, whenever you see me, i feel and see this look of regret on your face like i was the one who got away. i know you are happily married and have a kid now, and i am happy for you. maybe i owe you an apology, maybe i don't. maybe you owe me an apology, maybe you don't.

i have gotten over you too.

***

i will make a conscious effort to try to be at the Epsilon functions, if time permits. i hope i don't have to deal with shit. i already have enough to worry about.