Tuesday, September 28, 2010

should i ask M out?

the thought has crossed my head numerous times but i always shrug it off. whatever the hell for?

i think to myself that there shouldn't be anything wrong with hanging out, drinking a cup of coffee and smoking with your ex. i'm friends with most of them. well, all of them except for M.

i don't even add her in Facebook. her face shows up in those People You May Know boxes. ALWAYS.

it's not that i'm bitter or anything. i'm over her. i'm over all of it. i've let go of the idea that she will come back to me, or i will fall for her again. too much history, too much pain will come out of it. i know so, because that's what i felt when she left me and part of the reason i am afraid to have a relationship in general is because of that.

i don't want to blame her for anything. it's not entirely all her fault. both of us made the relationship work, both of us made it crumble.

maybe when time does permit, maybe when i've gone insane again, i will ask her out. hopefully she doesn't make too much of a deal out of it. i'm hoping that seven years is enough time for both of us to mature, to heal and to turn back on those differences so we can be more than just civil. after all, it is a small world and she is still my sorority sis.

just don't fall for her again, bels.