Thursday, April 22, 2010

everybody wants . . .

to be a photographer. i recently visited Cubao X and i was surprised at how the scene is there now. it's a nice place to be in. there is music, lots of artists, the place is packed. WITH WANNABE PHOTOGRAPHERS. i kinda miss the days of the good old fashioned manual cameras, like the one my mother used to have. because of the advances in technology, you rarely see cameras like that anymore. or photo processing studios where you stay in a dark room. nobody does that anymore, everything is digital.

. . . people, just because you own an expensive digital camera, it doesn't mean you are a photographer in the truest sense of the word, it doesn't make you an artist. it just means you own an expensive digital camera.

to be a reality show contestant. almost everybody i know right now wants to jump in to the reality show bandwagon. i won't lie. i wanted to have my own reality show before. but then i realized how boring my life was so i didn't bother. although, it would be nice if i did. it would've given me an opportunity to date more girls and guys, see a lot of gigs, and cash in on endorsements. people would talk about me during breakfast while reading the morning paper and sipping their coffee because i have such a mundane life they wish somebody would pull the plug on me. i'd be so desperate i'd invent tragedies in my life and piss a lot of people i care about just so a bunch of people i don't know can write shit about me. celebrity's a bitch.

to have a boyfriend. much as i hate to be part of the 95% of the population looking for a boyfriend, i have to admit that i am. i can't lie. i am at a point where i feel i have learned all there is that i need to know about relationships, or at least, the parts i've done wrong enough to know i won't repeat them that i feel the need to share what i've learned with someone. i have so much love to give. i'm not really closing my options to that gender alone, i'm keeping my options open.

. . . so we all think we deserve to have that great right guy, like i said, some 95%, at least, of the population, think the same way. we all think we're nice, sweet, smart, beautiful and deserve to find the right guy. but we never will. because there isn't one.

to rule the world. Tears For Fears are coming over to Manila and i want so much to go but i don't really go out on Sundays. not to mention, the tickets are uber-expensive. Nathan and his wife are going. i wanted to ask him if i could join them but there aren't any tickets anymore. they sold that fast. haaay . . . .

to be a struggling musician. this is next to impossible if you have a trust fund. of course you can afford to do whatever you want to do, which is write your artsy fartsy music since, well, you don't really have to work for it. you have connections, you have the resources. it defeats the purpose or the nomenclature "struggling" since, well, you're not. gone are the days where people really worked hard to get a music deal or get a gig or have their song played on the radio. okay, okay, so maybe they do still have those problems, except for the working part. before, people would try to sneak playing and writing music in their daytime schedules. they were either accountants, legal assistants moonlighting as musicians. maybe their music were as bad as the numbers and the legal issues they faced but they kinda lived up to the description. nowadays, sure, you still can't get a gig, you still can't someone to play your music on air, you still can't get a music deal. but you sleep for the rest of the day. gives you more time to write more shitty music, with all the high tech equipment your dad or mom paid for since it's perfectly okay that you didn't finish your seventh course in college. whatever.

to sleep. i know i do.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

8 stitches

last Sunday, Easter Sunday, i had an accident. i was doing my laundry and hanging clothes on our spiral staircase when i slipped and almost fell down the stairs. my foot broke my fall but the steel bar came between the third and fourth digits of my left foot, tearing a bit (well, a lot) of skin in the process.

much as i hate to admit it, i was petrified at the thought that any moment something terrible can happen to me and nobody would even know about it. they'll just find the body days later.

hospital one: i went over there since it was near enough for the pedicab to bring me over there at a reasonable price. i get over there and cute doctor takes a good look at my foot, asks me if i have a card, jots down something and sends me over to the information counter. lady at the information counter calls my HMO over the phone, puts it on speaker, asks me to fill out forms. nobody picks up the phone so she tries again and this goes on for the next 30-45 minutes but then my foot is still bleeding. they tell me that i have to cash out if they can't contact my HMO at which point i am tempted to spend money considering i didn't want to go to the hospital to begin with but then i'd be dead due to hemorrhaging. so i leave, i tell them i didn't have enough money so i could go. anyway, WHO PUTS THEIR PROFESSIONAL FEE IN THE PRESCRIPTION?! cute doctor who kept on flirting with nurses in front of bleeding patient, screw you.

i went to the hospital where my dad died.

hospital two: it didn't take me long to realize that i should've gone to this hospital in the first place. my initial reason for not going was simple - dad died here. but then they were all nice to me, asking me questions, bringing me to x-ray, getting my blood pressure, injecting anti-tetanus shots on me. while i'm not particularly scared of needles but not quite oblivious to pain, i was comfortable (they had anaesthesia, of course) during the whole sewing the two toes on my left foot back together process.

i spent monday sleeping. of course, i felt bad not going to work but i didn't try to force the issue. i am entitled to leave days. i needed to feel better. i needed to get better. if my boss were in Manila, he would've preferred me taking a whole week off to rest the foot but i'm too stubborn, too bored to stay at home. besides, who else is going to do my job?

***
you have a weird way of showing me you care. it is sweet, romantic and embarrassing at the same time. you were like a knight of shining armour. you didn't carry me, but you took care of me well enough. i really appreciate it. it made me love you much more.

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so much for carnal projection.