Wednesday, March 31, 2010

carnal projection

by textbook definition, astral projection is an esoteric interpretation of any form of out of body experience, that assumes the existence of an "astral body" separate from the physical body and capable of traveling outside it. Astral projection or travel denotes the astral body leaving the physical body to travel in the astral plane.

projectile vomiting is very forceful vomiting, so strong you can control the direction of your puke.

so if i'm diverting my carnal intentions for someone to someone else, and forgive me because i just thought this term up, i am carnal projecting?

the object of this lewd design is a bassist from this relatively known band. i wanted to hook up with him but alas, i am but a mere mortal to him. i'm nobody. which makes it more exciting. what are the chances he'll remember me? be interested in me? at least he wouldn't know how delusional i am. right?

it gets to be really tiring thinking about you and i would much like to divert my attention to someone else. am hoping that once i have found someone else wasting my time on, my feelings for you will diminish until it eventually fades away.

so anyway, call it fantasy or unilateral delusion, the good thing about this carnal projection to the bassist is that, he is everything i want him to be: smart, attractive, caring, musical, responsible and very much crazy about me. which is everything you are (you may be out of tune and monotone most of the time, but you're into music so still pass as musical) except for the crazy about me part. the disadvantage is that, it's not real, it may never happen, which wouldn't really destroy me considering i do have a well-adjusted brain in my head not to be consumed by it. but then it brings me back to my original problem which is pining over you again.

i have to think of somebody else. i have to forget you. carnal projection should work. for now.

Monday, March 29, 2010

full puppet nudity

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i saw Avenue Q the other night. it was really really interesting. i had a blast watching it. it was funny, it was smart and very true.

for those who are not familiar with the play, Avenue Q is a parody of Sesame Street. it talks about homosexuality, the search for one's self and the purpose in life, unemployment, discrimination, pornography, which are not really topics they teach you in Sesame Street.

i find it fascinating how they are able to make a play starring puppets and humans. Aiza Seguerra as Gary Coleman. the whole idea that she's described in the program souvenir as the "most successful failed beauty pageant contestant" is a metaphor. i mean, former child star making a living out of ripping off other people's songs playing the character of a washed-up child actor. life imitating fiction.

my favorite characters are no doubt the bad idea bears. writing about the play this way is a bad idea. hehehehe

i love the way that you can't help but relate to the puppet characters (Kate Monster looking for a boyfriend, Rod not able to tell Nicky about his sexual preference and his feelings, Princeton not being able to find his purpose in life) and the ones who put life into them. it's a very honest play and i'm very glad i saw it. profanity is both spoken and sung, the puppets aren't afraid to bare themselves. the actors who brought life into the puppets are very talented people whom i've seen in other plays so it was a delight seeing them handle puppets.

i wish i could see the play again. i wish they would show more honest plays just like Avenue Q.

***

you would've loved Avenue Q. it's just too bad you couldn't join us. you would've been able to appreciate the way the play was smart, humorous, honest. plus some of the lines in there would make really great private jokes between you and me. the characters and the topics that you and i talk about a lot and the lead puppet character's name is named after your girlfriend.

Monday, March 22, 2010

can't believe i waited this long to watch a gig

i went out with some friends over the weekend to watch a gig over at Route 196. it was the first gig i have seen ever since my father died. i have been going out lately but it was mostly what my friends wanted to do: drink beer, have coffee, watch a movie, hang out. i mean, i wanted to do all those things. i wanted to do all those things with them. i don't regret anything. but i can't believe i waited that long to watch a gig.

watching a gig reunites me with a life i used to have. i used to watch a lot of gigs, considering i had curfew and i work in a call center. i made a lot of friends with struggling musicians and artists and poets and most of them are still my friends now even though i haven't been in the scene for a while. i love the idea that everybody knows each other and you become a part of one big family when i watch a gig. it brings out the stalker in me. i mean, there was this time in my life when i wanted to be surrounded by whoever was famous in the music scene at the time. i had this insane urge to be associated with them. i bugged them like crazy. they were friendly despite the fact that i've been such a nuisance but they know that i'm harmless. none of them even remember how infuriating i was before, not even me. but they remember me, so i did make quite a lasting impression on them.

gaaad, i am old!

saturday was me seeing the ghosts of boyfriends (boylets) past. it was delightful, to say the least, to see some of them. to know that they still remember me, to be glad that i was there and still following the music. they think i've mellowed (the stalking part) and that i'm much prettier than when they last saw me. like boi bitch said before, i have successfully transformed my stalker tendencies into powerful business connections.

a lot of the stuff from the local music scene kinda sound alike in that they want to sound different by sounding like everybody else. did that make sense? i thought so.

what i meant is that, most of the local music nowadays sound like what the 80s would have been minus the really bad sense of fashion. or from the 90s, but with baths. they either sound really Brit or really Sonic Youth-ish but not really getting there.

don't get me wrong, the Philippine independent music industry has been flourishing and getting better and better even without me chronicling it. it has been evolving so beautifully that the music is so great you'd be surprised it is done by one of your own. it is world class. it is unique. i am glad i am slowly becoming a spectator again.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

. . .unless you're pregnant too . . .

i am so glad that you don't like reading. so glad that you're girlfriend looks like she's not into reading either. neither are her friends.

i wanted to write this last week only i didn't have the time to whine about it. we already talked about it over the phone and it seems settled. i mean, you and i are still friends, we're still talking, still working together, even when there are days when i wish i could stranggle your neck.

i don't really have a problem with you filing a leave, you're entitled to it and you have been working hard lately so you deserve it. i also don't make a habit of choosing my friends' friends for them although i have a right to show my disgust whenever they're around. i'm civil but i don't have to be cheerful. i also don't have a problem with the fact that your girlfriend gets jealous of me because we spend more time together. you never gave her an assurance that she can trust you. that, or everything IS an issue anyway regardless so why bother? plus, she's pregnant so she's more paranoid. i'll give her that. i respect her, i respect your relationship. i don't really agree that the best way to make a guy stay with you is to get pregnant. i don't believe that people should stay together and commit further mistakes just because they couldn't control their hormones. i don't really agree that the only reason you're not kicking her out of your house is because "you're not that harsh" because she's carrying your kid and you're afraid she might try to hurt herself and the baby while she's wallowing in self-pity away from you. i don't really agree that "i don't love her enough but i pity her" is the way to go. but because we're friends, and it's your life anyway, and you're the one suffering the consequences, the topic is off limits.

WHAT I DON'T AGREE WITH IS the fact that i'm not doing anything, to you, to her, to her friends, and yet, i'm the bad guy. I DON'T AGREE WITH the fact that she only added me as a friend in this social network just because she's suspicious of me and you. if she really wanted to make friends with me, she should've added me when she saw and confronted you because of the MOA pictures. bakit kasi hindi ka nagpaalam?! hmp. AND I CERTAINLY DO NOT AGREE WITH THE FACT THAT you filed a leave, telling me that the reason was your dad's 49th day. damnit, i didn't even file a leave in my dad's 9th, 40th and what-have-you days. but YOU file a leave, and then, you make plans with your pregnant girlfriend's friends to drink without letting her know. now i would understand if you wouldn't let her know. you're a guy, what do you expect? the really disgusting part is that HER FRIENDS ARE ACTUALLY IN ON IT. THEY DON'T WANT YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE DRINKING OUT WITH THEM. tapos sa'kin siya nagdududa??!!?? eh gago pala kayong lahat eh.

kung matino kayong iinom, wala kayong gagawin, hindi issue 'yung magsabi ka na iinom kayo ng friends mo, na friends din niya. what, she doesn't trust her own friends with you? tsk.

it's bad enough that when she asked you if you still loved her, you said, and i quote, "i'm trying" and she's just sticking it out because she's hoping against hope that you'll find a way to love her again while she's carrying your kid. respeto na lang. ayaw niya umalis eh. okay, let's not kick her out of the house because she will never leave on her own volition. let's just drink together while she's at work. she won't find out and even if she does, she can always blame bels for it.

nice.

so much for caring about my feelings. thank you for being the better friend.

i am really glad that you don't like reading. so glad that you're girlfriend looks like she's not into reading either. neither are her friends. but if we all do, then that would make a really nice scene, don't you think?

***
that felt good to let out. i feel so much better now. i hope you do too. bati na tayo, okay na tayo, or in true away natin fashion (your line), "wag na natin pag-usapan". but i just had to let it out. i don't want to forget we fought about this. i don't want to forget that you're an ass. it could help me forget that i love you.

does your head ache when you think of me too?

i really still can't figure out why Orphan Lily changed their name. i know Moonstar88 changed vocalists when Acel got married. it's a pity that aside from this song, i don't really remember any other Moonstar88 song anymore. i should get out more often. haven't seen any gigs in a while. the only reason why i like this song is because it reminds me of you.

Migraine
Moonstar88

Oo nga pala,
Hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako
Nangangarap na mapa-sayo

Hindi sinasadya
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako?
Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba 'ko sa'yo?
Aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako,
Kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod,
Kailangan bang lumuhod?

Gusto ko lang naman,
Yung totoo
Hindi po ang sagot,
Ay 'di rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo?
Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo?
Aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil 'di na makatulog (makatulog)
Hindi na makakain (makakain)
Dahil 'di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil hindi na...

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo... Nahihilo...
Nalilito...

Monday, March 15, 2010

it is romantic, isn't it?

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I’ve been obsessing about this show on FOX called White Collar. Very smart and engaging show and apparently, it’s creating a lot of hype in the US.

The story is about a con artist, Neal Caffrey, who was caught twice by FBI Special Agent Peter Burke. Three months before the end of his four-year sentence, his girlfriend breaks up with him so he decides to break out of prison to find her. When Peter caught him the second time, Neal offered to give information on a case Peter was working on in exchange for his freedom as part of a work-release program. Peter agrees on the condition that if Neal tries to escape, or steals the missing object subject of their investigation, or more likely, tries to find his girlfriend again, Neal will be in prison for good.

Before this show, I didn’t know that Tiffani Thiessen still had a career. She is very good support for both Neal and Peter’s characters and often acts like an elder sister to Neal, even defending him whenever Peter doubts he can be trusted. I actually like her better now than in any of the shows I saw her in.

I think it’s really romantic how a guy who’s three months short of finishing his sentence breaks out of prison just to look for his girlfriend. Even with the GPS ankle bracelet on him, he tries to look for her every chance he gets.

Such a lucky girl. Kate.