Monday, February 22, 2010

swimming in my subconscious

we went out last saturday to go swimming. it was so nice that you could go with us, even if you had to go home ahead of everybody else. like i said, i'm going to make the most of what's given to me.

it feels different sometimes, being around you, and other people, but only because i'm afraid of what they might think. not that it mattered. like i always say, it's not really about me, i'm only looking out for you. they can talk about me all they want. i'm not the one with the girlfriend.

it would've been a great opportunity for you and i to really talk, away from our PCs, away from the prying eyes of certain people. we could've talked all day, like we always do, and i wouldn't have any inhibitions at all.

then why did i feel so trapped?

being in the water gave me time to clear my head. you're all that's in there, anyway. just work, my legal house issues, and you, just taking space in my brain. being in the water gave me a chance to talk to My Creator, and when i say talk, like really talk to My Creator, since i rarely visit His house and i don't get to talk to Him as much when i do. too many distractions in church. in the water, i got to ask Him to take care of you, to guide me about what to do with you. you're all i care about, i just asked Him to take care of you. because all i want for you is to be happy, even if you're not with me.

so i swam and i swam. i stayed in the pool until i was all white and wrinkled and cold. cold and unfeeling. i needed the exercise anyway. they said it does wonders for your voice too. i swam until i got tired of thinking about you. but you're always in my head. it's just too sad i'm not in yours.

i know we didn't really talk that much anyway, but it felt good to be in the same place with you, just seeing you was enough for me. it felt sad when you had to leave. then i realized you leaving early is better than not being with you at all.

i went back to the pool and swam again, trying to be fine. i don't think i'll ever be fine. i wanted to swim until you were no longer in my mind, my heart. but it's too late, you've managed to penetrate my subconscious and stay there.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

just like Harry Potter, only in Greek

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i saw percy jackson last night with my two gal pals. it was pretty neat but they say that the book is better. hell, i didn't even know they were based on books.

so the makers of Harry Potter decided to make a film adaptation of another book hero, Percy Jackson. it was very interesting how, while watching the film, i could still remember my Greek Mythology. i was very astounded by it, their stories, their powers. i liked studying it then, i like watching it on the big screen now.

before they had a series on Hercules and Xena and i loved them instantly. i watched them all the time. they made me want to research the adventures of all them Greek gods and goddesses and their demigod children. reading them was an experience for me.

the movie was pretty nice, and it had a lot of great special effects. they were able to capture the magnificent power of the gods and apply it to more modern times. there were similarities between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, after all, they were from the same producer and the characters themselves have similarities. that's how heroes are written and made,i guess.

after watching the movie, we went out for a drink but i made sure to look for the mythology books and notes when i got back home. it made me read again, which is nice. it's sort of the trend they're following now, after all those vampire mush and i honestly think it's better. i hope that seeing the movie would encourage a lot of the kids to read the Percy Jackson series and make their own research on Greek
myths. i hope it would make them read period.

will we see more Percy Jackson on the big screen? i hope so. expect book sales to skyrocket.

one question though: how come the bad guy is always the cutest one? the guy who played the lightning thief was cute!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

so how was rent?

i watched Rent the other night with my friends from work before i actually showed up to work. Nathan likes it when i take days off because he thinks i don't take enough.

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maybe it's because i have seen snippets of the film adaptation (i fell asleep in my friend's house's couch) or seen pictures of the first musical staged here in manila (the cast included Bituin Escalante, Michael De Mesa, Dante Ponce, Rachel Alejandro, to name a few) that i expected a lot from this one. it's an entirely new cast, with only Carla Guevarra being the familiar face. i liked the play (but not as much as i liked Spring Awakening hahaha) but i didn't take my breath away. there were some memorable performances, but i couldn't say the same for all of the actors who performed. it could be their voice, or their acting. i shouldn't speak. i don't even know half of what they did.

i got a kick out of the humor and out of making fun of a friend who went with me. the play was nice, i just happened to have a preference for something else. i'm not as big a fan as the others. besides, i think some people just watched the play for the sake of being called "cultured", "intellectual" or "educated". i don't know. maybe i'm being an elitist when i say that but i say, watch the play because you like it, because it means something to you. don't watch it because you think it's cool if you did. it may even be overrated, but how can you tell?

of course, it's nice to be curious and watch it because of word of mouth. but there's also being a pretentious bitch and watching it for the sake of saying you're cool too. it takes away the essence of the play and what its story wishes to convey.

i liked it. i would want to see it again, the movie, i guess, in full. but the play? yeah, maybe i will.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

deep and amazing poetry in the vernacular

it saddened a lot of people when twisted halo said goodbye and disbanded. they had a lot of great music together. i never was around the scene that much to witness how great the band was, but i heard their songs, i knew what they stood for and i believed in it too.

so i was glad when peryodiko came out. just like twisted halo, they have a distinct sound, and their lyrics are very poignant, emotional. they make you think. they're pretty catchy too.

the band's videos are very original too, like a signature. each and every one of them were conceptualized and executed very carefully to create the wonderful masterpieces that their songs represent. it makes me happy that there are still creative people out there, that they're original and independent. that they can come up with an all-Filipino album is fascinating because it makes me appreciate how beautiful the language is, and how deep and amazing poetry written it out of it sounds. it makes me proud i am a Filipino and i'm alive at the time they came out. okay, maybe that was overreacting, but i feel passionate about liking their band and their music. i apologize.

***

i wish i could write that way again, be that deep again, be that proficient, prolific. i wish i could write that way whenever i think about you. it's just too bad the thoughts of you are too much, i can't think of anything else. can't even come up with something poetic to express what i feel. because i won't do anything. i'll make the most of what you give to me. won't try to exert the slightest amount of effort, won't assume positively, even when you show signs of weirdness, won't aspire for more. because i respect your relationship with her, i respect that you feel nothing for me. i will just wallow in my pain. while listening to my very deep and amazing peryodiko cd.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

i just let you walk away and i don't know why

i didn't really freeze like that when my father died. i even wanted to go to work when he passed. that was my way of dealing.

i wanted so much to hug you to take your pain away. i knew you were in pain but you wouldn't show. you didn't show. i just wanted to be there for you. but i can't.

i didn't want you to leave. i know you have to, had to, but i just couldn't bear the thought of it. strangely enough, when you hugged me to say goodbye, i froze. i just stood there. i wanted so much to reassure you that everything will be okay, that i am here and that i'll miss you when you go. but i did nothing.

nothing.

you go and hug me one more time before you go, but all i could do was hold your arm. i was so afraid to touch you, so afraid you'd see me cry as you walk away. could you feel me not wanting to let you go?

it's just a few days, i know. but it will feel like eternity to me, you not being there. i've been so used to you being there all the time, being with you all the time, doing everything with you, and in those days we're not together, you always manage to call or text, make your presence felt. you made me so dependent in you, in a way that i can't explain. you made me . . . weird. you made me miss you. it's all your fault i'm writing gibberish right now.

there are just days when i wish to step away from you, so i can get back my time, my being alone. but i want to be with you so much, i can't stand you at the same time. i don't make sense with you, but i make less sense without you. i can't believe i can be that dependent on someone. i can't believe that someone can occupy my heart, my brain, my whole being that long, that much.

i'll get through this - i can work, i can write, i can sing, i can do anything. i'm used to being alone. i'm always alone. i should be ready when you get back, if you will come back. i hope i'm over you when you do.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

everybody wants to be bitten by a vampire

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i've been wanting to rant about this for a while i just haven't had the time to do so.

i hate Twilight. i hate the book and i most certainly hate the movies. i respect the people who have read and seen them but please, please, don't try to convert me.

ever since the book and the movie that spawned out of it, almost everybody wants to be bitten by a vampire. all these books and series have come out about vampires falling in love with humans, and werewolves and all that mushy stuff. some are fascinating, but some are as dumb and boring as Twilight. still, nothing beats Anne Rice. nothing beats Josh Whedon's Buffy and Angel. well, maybe True Blood. everything else are lackluster imitations.

my only hope is, since people are reading already, that they grow up and eventually move on to reading more mature stuff like Anne Rice. or realize that there's nothing beautiful about these creatures. jeez, they drink human blood for existence, for crying out loud. i am fascinated with them, yes, and i followed the adventures of Lestat and his many companions, but i know enough to know that i don't want to be bitten by one. i don't want to live forever wandering, living off of human flesh and blood. i don't just think about how attractive and immortal they are, i also think about the evil lurking in them. there's nothing romantic about that.

i hope that after the whole Twilight thing blows over, kids will still read books. not just because they think it's cool, or because the lead character is handsome, pretty or glam. i hope they want to read because they want to learn. not just because it's Robert Pattinson or Kirsten Stewart's new role. they read because they want to learn. i hope.

as expected, it was the rock artists that made me cry

i woke up early yesterday and couldn't get back to bed so i decided to watch the 52nd Grammy awards knowing i wouldn't be able to see it at night since i had to go to work. just when i thought i missed the better part of Lady Gaga's Pokerface performance, she gets thrown into a furnace and resurfaces with Sir Elton John. the combination of their voices didn't really blow me away. sometimes i think the great Sir Elton John would do a duet with just about anybody. for audience impact purposes. like that one time Puff Daddy sampled The Police's Every Breath You Take and all the kids at home kept on wondering who the old guy backing up Sean Combs was. but i digress. it wasn't a bad-bad combination, Sir Elton and the Lady Gaga. it just wasn't the best.

what brought me to tears was the performance of the American Idiot Broadway cast with Green Day. i don't know why. there's something about the song and having a female sing the vocals. so much power and passion. the boys from Northern California probably never expected it would be a musical when they first came up with the concept of the album. in a few months, the play will be directed by Tony award-winner (for Spring Awakening, my other favorite play) Michael Mayer, and will star, among others, John Gallagher, Jr. can't wait for that to happen.

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another performance i found interesting was that of Pink's. she starts out looking like a female Obi Wan Kenobi, all white and pure until she takes off the cloak and hangs in mid-air, like those performers from Cirque de Soleil. she took my breath away. the song was pretty beautiful too, Glitter in the Air.

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Glitter In The Air
Pink

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the ice burg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breathe before the fraze
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight

italics and bold are mine. i could relate to the song somehow. haven't we all stared at the phone waiting for someone to text or call at one point?

i wasn't too impressed with Beyonce's performance. too much fanfare surrounding it, too many SWAT members surrounding her but they weren't fully utilized considering she was just singing (read: yelling)If I Were a Boy. the segue to Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know wasn't worth shit. to me, the songs did not have a counterpoint, neither were they related by theme that would warrant the segue. tsk. tsk. tsk.

i didn't really recognize some of the artists. half the time i was rocking to Use Somebody i was thinking it was performed by Bo Bice and not Kings of Leon. thank God they won. i was both vindicated and educated.

it was also nice that Taylor Swift got to sing a duet with her icon, Stevie Nicks. i really really like the song You Belong With Me and have since become a closet Taylor fan (not-so-closet now haha) but i didn't really appreciate her moving the pitch down one step just so her voice could blend with that of Stevie's. she's a country artist after all.

i missed some of the other performances since the show was starting to bore me and i ended up channel surfing -- Criminal Minds was on Fox, Glee was on ETc and Dexter of FoxCrime. by the time i went back to Star World, the show was about done. but i did get to see the Black Eyed Peas (I Gotta Feeling is Nathan's favorite), Dave Matthews Band, Lady Antebellum and Bon Jovi. i also liked Robert Downey, Jr.'s introduction for Jamie Foxx. the opera . . .

i might just buy the album for this year's Grammy's. we have to admit that even with the bunch of crap that came out of the radio last year, there was music worth listening to, rewarding and recognizing. i just prefer the rock artists. and like they say, your song ain't cool until it's the most downloaded song on the net, or covered by the cast of Glee.