Wednesday, January 27, 2010

where's the other half?

just when i thought i've seen the last of my favorite author, jessica zafra, she unleashes her latest book, Twisted 8 1/2.

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unlike her previous Twisted books, most of the topics discussed in this outing would've been read in her Sunday gadget columns for the Philippine Star. while it still had her humor, sarcasm and angst, it didn't really delve so much on dominating the world. it talked more about educating it, equipped with the latest in technology to make life easier. or so it seems.

To live intensely is a basic human necessity.

she took that off another book she read and i am putting it right here. the reason escapes me right now, except maybe it would've been something nice to put as a Facebook status.

sometimes i think we have too many gadgets that we have no reason not to get in touch with anyone. we have no reason not to go to work or be in any other human event/catastrophe which would otherwise have been excusable due to its nature because technology is so advanced that they can be avoided. just like Jessica, i still do fear the machines would one day take over this planet and all of us will be a bunch of fugitives (Edward Furlong's John Connor is still my favorite, never mind if Christian Bale is really hot). i fear that technology is so easily accessible that the future generation will become dependent on it for everything to the point that they will no longer think for themselves, or strive to do great things because almost everything can be achieved with the mere press of the button.

i kinda miss the old Twisted books. i read this book and finished it so quickly i felt cheated. it's relatively cheaper than its predecessors that i was tempted to buy a bunch to give away to my friends. but i missed something. yeah, yeah, she has a blog and if i feel i wanted to read more, i could just go over that site with just one click. but i needed something tangible to hold, something i could lend to my friends who aren't that into technology. i wanted something i could pile up with all the other Twisted books. i hope Twisted never becomes an eBook.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

the banter is hysterical

i finally got to watch the movie Sherlock Holmes. you were supposed to watch it with me. whether it was cold feet or financial incapacity that prohibited you from doing so, i feel bad. i felt stood up without the actual date.

don't say maybe just because you think i can't take no for an answer. i'm a big girl, i can handle it.

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that being said, i was really glad that they found a venue for both Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law. their rapport is both fantastic and hilarious. Guy Ritchie was able to bring out the best of the two actors and they came out strong without having to outdo each other, even when majority of the time, they sounded like a bunch of bickering queens.

the movie is smart, and fascinating. how can you fault a movie that stars two of the hottest actors in Hollywood? the material is brilliant. i believe there will be a sequel and i will see it. with or without you.

Friday, January 22, 2010

it doesn't interest me

i did something stupid today. it involved my left arm and a blade. i'm really sorry i disappointed the people i around me when i did it. i never knew they cared. well, i do but i didn't think that much of it. i do now. so i won't.

***

i love this poem. i wish i wrote it myself.

The Invitation
Oriah

it doesn't interest me
what you do for a living
i want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart's longing

it doesn't interest me
how old you are
i want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive

it doesn't interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon
i want to know
if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain

i want to know
if you can sit win pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it

i want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstacy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human

it doesn't interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true
i want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself
if you can bear
accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul
if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy

i want to know if you can see beauty
even when it is not pretty everyday
and if you can't source your own life
from its presence

i want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, "yes"

it doesn't interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have
i want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and dispair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children

it doesn't interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here
i want to know
if you will stand in the center of the fire
with me and not shrink back

it doesn't interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied
i want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away

i want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments


now wasn't that nice? don't you wish you wrote it too? :)

***

did it upset you too that i hurt myself? will it matter to you too, if i'm gone?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

one more friend wouldn't hurt

you always give me that line when i say that i don't want to be friends anymore, not necessarily to you, you just really enjoy saying that to piss me off. i just say that because i'm sick and tired of being the good-enough friend but the not-good-enough lover. i already have too many friends. seriously.

sometimes i want to ask you if you feel the same way. sometimes i'd like to think that you do. you act like you do and i have been in this road sooo many times that the safest would be to assume that there is nothing there but friendship. the situation around you is complicated enough as it is; then when you look at the bigger picture, the situation around us, is enough to make my head hurt. just for the record, the things you say and the things you do around me are pretty confusing to analyze. you do get tired of thinking all the time. i know i do. you consume about 30% of the thinking space in my head.

i would do anything just to prove to you how much i care but i'd rather not. i will, and i can show you, i will and can go out of my way just to make you see that, but i keep my distance. i respect relationships, especially yours. i don't necessarily agree with the kind of relationship you have right now with your girlfriend, but i respect the fact that you have one. when i think about it, how i feel about you diminishes, like you were some ordinary asshole and not the wonderful human being that you are. as i have mentioned before, i am your friend, first and foremost and while it may sound subjective whatever advice i give to you in reference to your girlfriend, do know that it's from the heart. it IS the friend talking. i mean, break up with her because you're not happy anymore. there is no reason to stay with someone if things are going bad. but don't say shit about her when you know at the end of the day, it's to her arms you'll go home to. it's crap. major bullshit. it's not a game of sticking it out to see who gives up first, because, obviously my friend, you're the loser in that department. she will never leave you. and you'll forever be unhappy.

as your friend, i want you to be happy. you don't have to be happy with me. just happy. PERIOD.

is it possible to want so much to be with someone and not stand being with them at the same time? "yes, it is?", you said. it's funny that you would feel that way because that's exactly how i feel about you.

sometimes i feel like you're more comfortable being with me than you are with her. sometimes i feel i make you laugh more than she does. damn, i make you think than she does. and yes, there are days, lots of them, when you make me feel like you'd rather be with me than go home to her. which sucks because i know that she cares about you as much as i do, maybe more. and i have to respect the fact that you're with her.

that. that messes up my head. why choose to be unhappy with her when you're happy with me?

but then again, wonderful as i am, i don't fit your standards. everybody wants you and like everybody else, i have to fall in line.

i'm not even going to do anything. i love the status quo. i fear that if i aspire for more, i would lose what's more important. i'm making the most of what's given to me. of course, i could be happier.

i miss my friend. i miss the friend i had before i said, "i love you."


much as i feel for you that way, i'd keep being your friend, even when it hurts. it's less complicated that way even when it kills me. what's another friend, right?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

franco is more than just an all-star band.

i remember traumaligno having this gig over at mayric's two years ago and i was so pissed i couldn't go with them. the funny part was, there was this agent who went to work late because he played in the same production. and i had no idea he went. the boys were estatic. they even said that i missed half of my life. when i saw the pictures, i knew they were right. the members of Parokya ni Edgar were there, Kamikaze and Urban Dub. they were all there to watch and support the main event: FRANCO.

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so i got this album called Franco from the music store and i decide to get it. it was about time i did. it's about time they came up with an album. or maybe it's been lying there the whole time i just didn't see it because i've been too caught up in my work?

the album is remarkable. not only is franco's voice strong and calm, the lyrics are amazingly written and you end up asking for more. it's already on repeat loop on my pc at work.

but i say this not just because the band is made up of some of the most talented players in the country, but because they didn't rely on those laurels to get to where they are. they let the music speak for them. and what beautiful music it is.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Angel: Orpheus

it is episode 15 of season 4 of the series, angel.

i am obviously in love with this particular season because of Vincent Kartheiser. you want to love and hate his character, Connor, for being a stubborn and angry kid. i mean, who could blame him? his parents are both vampires, his mother staked herself on the night of his birth and he grew up with a man who wanted to kill his vampire parents. then he falls for his father's girlfriend who is the closest thing he has to a mother.

then there's David Boreanaz. while i've only seen him in a total of three shows, Buffy, Bones and of course, Angel, his own series, this particular episode stretches the talent juices out of him as it shows the struggles of a man/vampire who is having a battle with himself. here we see Angelus and Angel literally beating the hell out of each other as Angelus fights to keep within the corporeal body and Angel's soul desperately trying to regain it.

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i also love the fact that Joss Whedon makes use of the connection between the two series Buffy and Angel. here we have Willow and Faith making guest appearances, to re-ensoul Angel and making sure he fights to stay there. i also like the fact that he exploited Alexis Denisof and Alyson Hannigan. two actors, husband and wife for the price of one. haha. lastly, he correlated the two shows because this is supposedly connected to the last season of Buffy.

favorite scenes:
1) when Angelus and Angel battle it out, Angelus even mentions how he hated all those Barry Manilow concerts, even in the flashback we see Angel putting a coin in a jukebox to play Mandy;

2) when Fred talks about theorems with Willow and Willow says, "i'm seeing someone";

3) when Connor is introduced to Willow - -
Connor: She's a witch.
Willow: Yes. Hi. You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.
Connor: It's Connor.
Willow: And the sneer's genetic. Who knew?

4) when Wesley (Alexis a.k.a. husband) and Willow (Alyson a.k.a. wife) catch up and talk about Fred, specifically Wesley's crush on her - i couldn't stop laughing;

5) when Faith makes her goodbyes, with Angel and Wesley. she makes fun of Angel by saying that Brits (referring to Wesley) know how to say goodbye but he wants a hug. she also scolds Connor who obviously has a thing for older women.

i don't mind watching this episode over and over. Faith succeeds in kicking ass. i love strong women. :)