Tuesday, March 31, 2009

i definitely have to speak up and then maybe i can move on, regardless of what you say

i have had the biggest crush on Ryan Reynolds. ever since i saw him on Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place. it was love at first sight. he's smart and funny and really really hot. you can imagine how elated i was when i found out that he and Alanis were engaged. it meant that really hot sorta geeky guys would fall for angry intellectual women. like me.

you have to forgive the Alanis analogy.

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so you could understand how disappointed i was when, after four years of engagement, they decide to call it quits. next thing you know he's with Scarlett Johannson. bummer. not that i have anything against her. it just killed the dream. i mean, the man is attractive, smart and funny. he falls in love with an angry smart girl, which is like, next to impossible. all the men on earth right now are either gay or taken by someone really really stupid, so isn't that supposed to be the sweetest thing?

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my crush on Ryan Reynolds got reinforced when i saw the movie Definitely, Maybe on HBO. the story is about a man named Will in the midst of a divorce. after sex ed class, his daughter Maya asks him about his life before marrying her mother. he then tells her the story about the three women he met in his life, changing their names, editing some of the facts until the daughter figures out who her mother is in the story and who he ends up with. she actually helps him decide, especially when he didn't have the courage to speak up.

nice, isn't it?

people should definitely not wait to have a 10 year old kid with someone else before they tell the person they really, really, really love what they really, really, really feel.

i should do that some time.

Monday, March 30, 2009

why Memnoch, The Devil cannot be made into a motion picture

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i read somewhere that Tom Cruise agreed to reprise his role as the Vampire Lestat for the movie version of Book 4, the Tale of the Body Thief. personally, since i just recently finished reading Memnoch, the Devil, which is Book 5 of the Vampire Chronicles, Memnoch would make a better film than the Body Thief. i liked Book 4, i just think that Memnoch is more interesting material for film. however, it is also more provocative, just like The Da Vinci Code (although i didn't really read the book, but i saw the movie). it will raise so many questions, not to mention, so many protests.

Anne Rice has already reverted back to Christianity, a move that a great number of her fans have frowned upon since they argue that it is talent wasted, or that she will be financially ruined. personally, i have no problem with her doing that. i admire her work on the Vampire Chronicles but my faith is fine. i have yet to read an Anne Rice book after she renewed her faith in Christ. any good reader would know that a remarkable writer like that should be allowed to manifest her faith with the gift she was given. of course, there have been reports that after she reverted back to Christianity, there will be no more of the vampire books. or there may still be one, only that Lestat would be still struggling with redemption and such. we'll know if Lestat will resurface or not depending on Anne Rice. i will know depending on my budget for books.

Memnoch picks up where the Body Thief left off. David Talbot is now one of the undead, courtesy of Lestat and he has become one of his closest and most loved companions, just like Louis. they meet up again after Louis and David take a vacation and they find Lestat stalking his next victim, Roger, who is a drug lord and killer and unknown to many, father to TV evangelist Dora. while Lestat stalks Roger, he is also being stalked by an entity which he cannot understand or fathom so he seeks the advice of David, who before becoming one of them, had a vision of the Devil and Our Lord in one of them old taverns. after Lestat kills Roger, Roger appears to him as a ghost and tells him his whole story. Lestat regrets having killed Roger, the latter being such a colorful character who would've been a worthy companion in the eternal thirst for blood only he can no longer make him immortal - he's already dead! Roger asks Lestat to make sure that all of his belongings, all that he has killed for, be taken cared of and turned over to his one and only daughter Dora who doesn't want to have anything to do with his illegal and unclean money. unfortunately, before he can finish his story, Lestat's stalker, the Ordinary Man, or Memnoch, takes him away.

Memnoch, as we later learn, is the Devil. he doesn't like other names, although he takes common form, half-man, half-goat, the archangel with black wings. he tells Lestat how it all began, how he questioned God, how he tempted Christ, and even goes as far as bringing him to the scene where Christ is carrying the cross on the way to Golgotha (Calvary) where He was to be crucified.

here are the points where most Christians will cry foul:
1. the part where Jesus Christ asks Lestat to drink from his blood while carrying the cross;

2. the part where Memnoch tempts Christ and makes it look like Christ was cheating - He dies but is fully aware that after He rises again, He is still God, unlike man who dies and whose soul is lost if that soul doesn't go straight to heaven;

3. the part about Veronica's veil - while this part is not mentioned in the Bible, the closest part being the miracle of the woman who was healed by touching the hem of the garment of Jesus, i don't think most conservatists (is there such a word?) would like the idea that Lestat got away with it, even giving the veil to Dora;

4. so many other parts that escape me at the moment which depict God to be a proud and unfair God.

i enjoy reading The Vampire Chronicles, not because my faith is dwindling, but because i'd like to believe my faith is strong and that no matter what i read about that speaks otherwise, i will still believe in the God that i call my God, who later in life, became the author, Anne Rice's God. i like reading the books because they speak of companionship and never ending intellectual intercourse. also, the book is fiction. we never forget that the book is fiction. whether there is a battle between God and the devil for our souls is a question that only you and i can answer. we only know the answers depending on how we live our lives.

i don't know how to end this without instigating an argument on religion and morality in the process, which i don't intend to. i think Memnoch the Devil would make an interesting movie. Tom Cruise ends up with just one eye. we see not Antonio Banderas, but somebody younger, like James McAvoy or Leonardo DiCaprio (Armand was sixteen when he died, come on! Daniel Radcliffe?) play Armand and maybe Jimi Mistry to play the new David (can't think of a Hollywood actor with Indian features right now, sorry. oh wait, Adam Rodriguez! he's Latino but he kinda looks Indian. what do you think?) coming from either Sir Ian McKellen or Sir Patrick Stewart's body (both are gay, anyway, right? not really straying away from the story), when Body Thief ended. it is something i would look forward to seeing, the same way, i look forward to reading an Anne Rice book after Christianity, and watching the movie version of it. Memnoch the Devil is a good book. i just don't think it will leave the drawing board unscathed or uncut.

can you use that in a sentence, please?

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the last time i watched a play or musical, i was still dating M. i think it was Peter Pan at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. i always liked watching plays and musicals. i just don't have the time or the right companion to go with.

so last saturday, i got to watch the 25th Annual Putnam Spelling BEE with my college friends. it is based on the play C-R-E-P-U-S-C-U-L-E by the Farm. it was pretty interesting. interesting being an understatement. it was hilarious! for every show they have 2 celebrity spellers and 2 audience participants making sure that no two shows are ever alike. i looked forward to watching the show because one of the actors, Pheona Baranda, was my classmate in elementary. until now, that woman's voice has the power to give me goosebumps. they sold these really nice shirts and pins, it made me feel smart wearing them. oh, and the shirt is extra small!

so each participant is required to spell a word. they have the option to ask two questions, whether it be the definition, the origin of the word or to have the word used in a sentence. even the introductions every time a participant is called in to spell a word are funny themselves and the way they use the words in sentence. the songs and the music for the play were very catchy and really entertaining. there was even one scene where they did steps from Beyonce's latest video (again, obviously, i have yet to improve on my reviewing skills other than saying, "it was great, you should watch it!"), i think it was that part where one of the spellers sings about not speaking five languages. she can speak SIX. she can play the piano too.

of course, i can relate to all the spellers, one way or the other. there's having too many expectations growing up, not having your parents to be there when you need them the most, there's the ups and downs (and ups) of puberty, not having good feet and body coordination (i never said i was a good dancer - i can sing, just don't ask me to dance. gyrate a bit, maybe or sway sideways, but not dance - magic feet may come in handy, if i had two), people not thinking you're good or smart enough, people not wanting to be friends with me, people not loving me, people having a restraining order against me, etc. etc. ad infinitum. well, everything except the part having two fathers.

there's also not having to overcomplicate things. if the word is easy, just spell it. just the way life is. if it ain't broke, it don't need fixing. there's also being humble and realizing that you're only as great as the last word you spelled. God will be happy and He will be proud of you whether you spelled the word correctly or not. He even made a guest appearance just to prove the point.

i got over some of the issues when i got older, just like each and every character of the story had their own happy endings. i walked out of the theater with a smile on my face. we can face the dreary reality of lack of sleep, lack of money and the absence of a loved one some other time. that was a time to laugh and time well spent indeed.

can you spell awkward? B-E-L-S!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

to err is . . . . , to forgive is divine

i read somewhere that to love is to forgive and should you get mad,that you not be mad at the person but that act which they did wrong. i believe it was you who said that in your blog. i remember using that sometime in the past. i don't anymore.

now that i think about it, you don't really get mad at the person who did you wrong, you get mad at what they did. so you forgive but you just can't get it off your head. but isn't that what free will is about? you know it's wrong but for some weird reason, you still chose to do it. that's how i see it, and as a friend told me, a sin is not a sin, unless you entertain the thought of actually putting it into action. otherwise, it's just potential energy. that's why if i can help it, i try (because it is hard) not to do anyone wrong. sometimes i fail, sometimes i succeed. i am human and prone to make mistakes. not that it's an excuse.

i will forgive your girlfriend for lying to my face and pretending to be my friend so she can squeeze out all the information that she can get from me about you.

i will forgive you for accusing me of being a backstabber and for spreading rumors about you when in truth ( i have a right to speculate - these are the wonders of free speech) she was just giving you a hard time being such a flirtatious ass with me and you couldn't find anyone to blame for your actions.

i will forgive you for calling me your friend, just as you say you have forgiven me, when all was said and done and still, you harbor grudges (and will continue to, depending on how long she keeps you on her daisy chain) because the flirt issue won't die overnight. the department has a reputation for it.

i will forgive you for making me care because i was so happy in my cold and unfeeling state. i didn't used to care about anything or anyone, i was just doing my job. i didn't used to care about you until you made me.

forgive me for telling the whole world. you didn't have the balls to face me. oh, you did. you dropped them somewhere when you followed and met with me.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

because i am still, i just don't explore that side of me right now

when i'm not smoking, drinking, walking, meeting with friends, working or sleeping or ignoring the dust collecting in my room, i try to catch up on my favorite shows: Bones, CSI, House, and The L Word.

it's amazing how i am so behind on The L Word considering i was the one who introduced it to the people from my old program. yes, we had quite a number of lesbians on the floor at the time, so i gave them an orientation on the series. next thing you know, they've seen seasons 5 already, and i'm still thinking about what will happen next in season 4. pathetic. the tortures of reverting back to hetero.


from thelwordonline.com

shane. shane. shane.

i can't deny that i miss that kind of life and it's not really that easy to turn my back on it. right now i just choose not to explore that side of me because the last one didn't last as long as i hope it would and if i do swing that way again, i'm afraid that i won't be able to bear losing it.

but shane.

Katherine Moennig, i swear, should you by any chance, be reading this, let's have coffee.

Monday, March 23, 2009

i need to listen to something new

i need to listen to something new other than the troma songs and the sound of my own voice just talking about you incessantly. i need to get over you. not only is it embarrassing because among my friends, i'm supposed to be the, uh, "music authority", other than the actual musicians, but it's very pathetic. even i don't want my world to revolve around one person, especially when you're THAT person.

i don't like hearing your voice either. even if we don't talk that much anymore, your voice is wringing in my ear. and i hate it.

about a year or two ago, there was this show i listened to, called the Gweilo's hour, which was hosted by Mario, the bar owner, and my good friend, writer Erwin Romulo. they played a lot of songs that you wouldn't normally hear on the radio and they were very interesting, to say the least. a similar show, also heard on NU107, was In Between Planets, hosted by Mondo Castro. there was also Not Radio which was hosted by Sandwich/Imago bassist Myrene and that really made my brain go crazy. that was another show that played really good stuff. i have no idea which show plays new obscure stuff in NU these days.

i don't get to visit the station anymore, or, as my friends put it, i'm not stalking anyone from there lately. i haven't bought any new albums or gotten any new lyrics. i'm so rusty and i hate it. the last gig i saw was ninjakyusi and i did like Ace's band's new song, Curtain Call, but that single won't be out until they produce a new album. but i really liked it. i have a preference for Bagetsafonik's english songs. other than that, i have to really experiment as far as albums and singles just to be able to get new perspective.

i need to listen to something new. i hate talking about you already. you're so overrated when come to think of it, you're an ass and you're getting all this exposure because of me.

music, especially great music, will never die. but you and i, we will turn to dust and be forgotten. which is why i should stop it with the lotion.

Monday, March 09, 2009

it does bother me

i could've just watched the Eraserheads concert last saturday, march 7.

or slept after my shift.

if all my guy friends will still meet me after admitting to not having sleep for the last 36 hours just because they were bothered that i was mad at them, i will have to raise the bar for the guys i want to have a relationship with. i have to. because you're my, uh, "friend", and you did that for me, and you said it was normal for you to go do that for your female friends. wouldn't you rather just sleep too? or meet with your girlfriend instead? a phone call or a text message would have sufficed.

why are you doing this to me? why is it so hard to forget you? understand you? i know how difficult i am, but do you really have to be this difficult? do you really give your friends shit? or is that why i'm special? see, even your sister agrees with me. we don't know each other but she and i have something in common.

i don't like to assume. i know how to spell it. i know how to pronounce it. so should you. because friends don't hurt each other. i mean, they do, but then, it would be okay afterwards. with you it's like a never ending cycle. you get mad, i get mad; you say sorry, i say sorry; i give in, you give in. friendship shouldn't be a tiring process.

it bothers me that i have "friends" who find fault in me when they're just starting to get to know me. i reserve that right for my biological father, my boss and those souls who have been with me for at least a year. i have only known you for a few months and in all that time, quantitatively and qualitatively speaking, you're full of crap. we are not friends. i am attracted to you and you like messing with my head. given that criteria, we are not friends. i want to be your friend while you just want to mess with my head. i want to put it all behind me, you just want to mess it up.

we are not friends. all you do is make me upset.

and i missed the last set of the Eraserheads for this shit.