Tuesday, December 30, 2008

michael gretchen lotion

they all like you and for a moment there, i thought i liked you too. i think they call it charm. you have the capability of making people like you even when there's not much to like. you're a big flirt. i should be able to tell because i'm a big flirt myself. you are also abrasive and you don't give a fuck about what other people think as long as you're doing your job. that's why you piss me off so much. i don't even understand why when i'm damn great at my job and everybody hates me for it.

everybody here wants you. everybody but me.

i don't know where this is going. i didn't even intend to like you. if i really wanted to, it should've come to me the moment you first came into view. it all just started because of mistaken identity. they thought you were my crush. wrong!!!

sometimes it's not rejection that i'm scared of, but the idea that you might actually feel the same way. but then, why would you like me? why?

I'm thinking about my doorbell, when you gonna ring it
When you gonna ring it
I'm thinking about my doorbell, when you gonna ring it
When you gonna ring it

i was told that when you expect, you get disappointments but when you hope you get surprises. surprise me. tell me what this is about.

why do you care? no, let me rephrase that: why do you pretend to care? why do you pretend to be affected by what i do? why does it matter to you? why do i need to know every facet of your personality like it was something worth looking forward to? most of the time you make me feel like shit, you condescending bastard. you even call me shit. that's your term of endearment for me.


but you're the only one who's "brave" enough to tell me what's wrong with me and that means something. just don't imitate me because you're really ugly when you do that. really. dreadful. makes me cringe whenever i remember what you look like and the way your voice sounded. it's a good thing i'm not superstitious. i hate to have to spend the whole year waiting on you.

The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

why did i put that song in there? is it for you? nah, i just happen to like it and it's been in my head for days.

i wouldn't even try to remotely be the person you would normally fall for. i will not change for you. yes, yes, like you said, very rebellious, very stubborn. if i did consider changing myself it wouldn't be because you asked but because i did plan to try to change for me. not for you, but for me.

because my nose IS beautiful. i get this nice looking skin out of eating tomatoes.

panic book buying


i often complain about not having enough money to buy the books i want so last Christmas day, after my boss gave me a very generous bonus, i treated myself to a bunch of books. damnit, Harry Potter 1-6, the package is out of stock.

i had been trying to look for Memnoch for the longest time so when i saw it, i had to get it. and the Vampire Armand. and Merrick. i'm a big Anne Rice fan. at first i just wanted to get the first two or three books and then, just like my fascination for Jessica Zafra's Twisted, getting The Vampire Chronicles became sort of an obsession.

don't ask me about Twilight. i've read too many reviews, heard too many people say that it's crap. i respect the people who have seen the movie and read the books. i think Robert Pattinson is gorgeous. it's just that, i can't help it. i apologize. i grew up with Anne Rice and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the series) so i can't bring myself to appreciate it. yet. i like the cover, though, it's black. chess. i grew up playing chess. let me discuss some other time. chess and the Twilight series, i mean. i haven't had sleep yet.

anyway, i also finally finally got to buy Paolo Coehlo's By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept and another copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being because some asshole/bitch borrowed the copy that M gave me and never returned it (rot in hell whoever you are) and upon my friend Brian's recommendation, a pocket book of short stories.

i don't need to review for anything right now since i'm waiting on bar results. i don't have a boyfriend and i can't play a sport until my sprained ankle heals so the books are the best alternative.

you should never be afraid to read books that aren't prescribed by your professors since it's how great minds are born and i'd like to think that i'm not that old to stop reading and learning.

waiting for my next bonus. or when Harry Potter goes back on stock. whichever comes first.

Dr. House without the cane and the 5 o'clock shadow

at about 4am of december 24, in the 20th floor of RCBC Plaza Tower 2, i met an accident and sprained an ankle. normally, whenever you tell the story you skip the part where you did something stupid. so let's skip that. fortunately, my former team leader Ian, poor catcher that he is (yes, if there was catching, that would mean some lifting or jumping), is a great friend. he brought me to the nearby hospital and stayed with me until the x-ray was over and brought me back to my station after the tests were run on me. nothing serious.

nothing serious.

nothing serious means i'll walk funny for a few days, with much difficulty and then afterwards, you'll see me running the hallways again.

i don't really like being the damsel in distress. well, only in certain occasions, i would like to feel helpless. i'm pretty independent. i'm already bitchy as it is. the worst thing i could do is to use my handicap to my disadvantage, but i do end up using it. there are just so many people who are insensitive and rude and they would only give you an advantage if they think you really need/deserve it.

nobody would give me a seat if they didn't see me limping and even then i'd get pushed around in the train. hell, they don't even give a pregnant lady a seat. i know i can afford to take a cab. it's not just about being frugal, it's about me being independent and self-sufficient if i can help it. besides, my dad would rather i get well quicker that even he pushes me around, and the office guys look at me funny and laugh at me when i walk. i don't like that because i don't do that to other handicaps. but i just end up being grumpier than i should because of these assholes.

people are lucky i don't have a cane. i just use my good old body mass to shove them off. i would really whack them if i did.

Monday, December 08, 2008

i conform when i need to

fake eyelashes - P150
hair&make up - P1,080
sequined black dress - P1,199
shoes - P800
Jett Pangan inviting you on stage (as opposed to just getting over there and being dragged away by the bouncer) so he can sing to you, and you sing with him and then him kissing you on the cheek (getting to hug Francis Reyes as well in the process) in front of everybody you work with - PRICELESS

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want
Your story to remain untold

But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

there was a part in their set when Jett put his arm around Francis and said something like it's a good thing that the ones who say "I love you" to the band are girls and Francis points to me and says, "that one isn't".

i had fun. i'd like to think i did. the band was my main reason for going. and my friends, of course. i even danced too. me dancing. hah! what do you know?

it's just such a pity that there are no pictures to act as evidence (there is a company video, i think) that i looked stunning last night, none. everybody said i looked wonderful, even my boss thought so that he missed out on the fact that the dress was too short. but the ones whom i wanted to see me be beautiful that way either weren't there or didn't really care as much as i wished they would.

of course, after the ball, like Cinderella, i had to go back to the reality that i'm ugly, that i have nothing and i am no one and that in the middle of my sleep someone other than my boss will call me and bug me about something they could very well fix on their own but they'd rather call me instead.

that's why i don't conform as much as everybody else. i might lose my manners.