Thursday, July 31, 2008

this is my guilty pleasure right now a.k.a. Jonny is sooo hot

please make sure to read the first part of the title like Janina San Miguel and everything else with a Brit accent.

i know i have to study. i know i have lots of chores at home and at work. but i can't, simply can't stop myself.

i only chanced upon on tv while channel surfing, looking for an excuse to take a break from all that reading and i just happened to see Jonny on tv and his first entry into the house, that big house of evil.

the show is about ten people put in a house, each of them attractive in some way or another and everytime a new person comes in, regardless of sex and/or sexual preference, the ten people have to judge who among them is the least attractive. the two other people get to stay in the house after which they mingle with the people of vanity lair, perform a sexual, uhm, sorry, social experiment, and by the end of the week, the lairmates decide who between the two new arrivals is more attractive. that person gets to stay in the house but since only ten people can stay in the house, whoever gets chosen will choose who he/she thinks is the least attractive among the lairmates and replace him/her. the least attractive person leaves the lair forever.

i like Pavle. he's not that attractive at first glance, but he's smart and clean and he has a sense of humor. Jonny, on the other hand, is like, classic, rocker dude, sooo hot. my little crush with eyeliner. i fancy him. hope i can snog him too :)


these pictures are unflattering but they guarded this social experiment so much, you can't find pictures of them anywhere!

i hope we can do something like this here in the r.p. too, just to prove all those things they taught you when you were younger were wrong: beauty is useless, character is the best; beauty is only skin deep; what is beauty if brain is empty; etc etc ad infinitum. we all know that we are all superficial. we just like watching other people be, so we wouldn't have to feel guilty about ourselves.

i mean, let's face it. everyone is a little bit judgmental about everyone, whether it be about someone's looks, personality, educational attainment, sex, etc. we cannot for some reason admit that we do it yet we hate it when other people say that about us.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

i don't get it

i don't understand why people will jump at the first chance to be greedy, to be mean but when asked to do the right thing, everybody's scared shit. i don't get it.

is it because people will remember it more when you do something shameless or notorious but nobody can recall a good deed when done?

i am currently at a position where i know i'm doing the right thing and i know a lot of people can actually benefit from my doing the right thing but nobody's going to back me up because they're afraid. they'll wait to speak up until after everything is over or like when they're about to leave. isn't it better to say something now and reap from the benefits of speaking up rather than suffer the consequences of your silence?

i guess a lot of people have a mouthful to say about this and that. they like to complain like hell, like smoke will come out of their ears. but they like to complain to the wrong people. when they're asked by people who can actually make changes for them, they shut up. that sounds to me like having misplaced balls, don't you think?

people are so ashamed of doing the right thing. wouldn't you be more ashamed if you were doing something wrong? shouldn't you be?

Friday, July 04, 2008

ano na nangyari sa meaningful relationship ko?

i wrote this the same day last year and at the time, i was really devastated because i didn't get the promotion i wanted. since then i have been working for the best boss in the planet and a year later, i still haven't found what i'm looking for. i still don't have that, you know, meaningful relationship.

"Nothing is more attractive to a man than a woman who is in love with him"

- Eleanor Parker as Baroness Elsa Schraeder, the Sound of Music (film)

i was very much attracted to JL, as i have mentioned here before and people commented that i may have overdone showing him just how attracted i was that i actually repelled him. isn't he supposed to be attracted to me because i'm outgoing and smart and i make sense? does it mean that with all that brain he's still after an insipid woman?

i can't change that. when i do like someone, i find it hard to contain my feelings and they will manifest in whatever form regardless, no matter how strongly i try to bury them. i have to let it out otherwise i will explode. sadly, i'm not the type who will try to change for a boy/girl so i don't think i'll ever get to find anyone with my attitude.

i'm not really in a hurry although sometimes it makes you wonder how horrible people are in a relationship and they seem happy, while nice people like yourself are alone and without anyone.

do i really scare people with my strong personality? is it a disadvantage that one is smart or outspoken because guys/gals would rather go for the submissive type?

you know what, sometimes, i am glad that i'm alone. at least, i don't have to deal with the shallow issues that people with relationships have to deal with and i am surrounded by people with petty issues that they know they can solve they just choose to be unhappy and unsettled and shallow. but (there it is again), it just gets lonely sometimes because after all those rationalizations, you just really want to be shallow and unrational and happy. happy happy shallow shallow.

so when is it coming? will it ever come to a realization, my meaningful relationship?

Thursday, July 03, 2008

pushing lee aside

i have been waiting for lee pace to resurface for the longest time now and it took johno for me to realize that he has a new show.

pushing daisies logo

the show is about a piemaker named Ned who has the ability to bring dead things back to life. however, if something/someone is revived for more than one minute, something of similar "life value" in the vicinity drops dead as a form of balance. moreover, if he touches the revived thing/person again a second time, it falls dead again - permanently.


i feel for this man - not just because i am attracted to guy who plays him, lee pace, but because the character is so close to home. he is an outsider and sadly, the only person who can make him come out of his shell, the person he so holds dearly to his heart, is the one person he cannot touch.

we all want someone whom we cannot touch, or have. there is always that one person in our life to whom we can open up to and that person alone can make life worth living. for Ned, it's Chuck, his childhood sweetheart. for me, i don't know anymore. i just know i feel empty. maybe because i don't have one and i know there may never be one at all. there may be a person out there that i can open up to, and make me feel free. but that person i can never have. ever.

Math tell us three of the saddest love stories. Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever. Parallel lines who were never meant to meet and asymptotes, who can get closer and closer, but will never be together.
- text message from my good friend Paul San Diego