Thursday, August 30, 2007

para me masabi lang (just for the sake of saying something)

magtatagalog ako kasi sa opisina ako naman ang English Only Police. at nagpapa-power trip daw ako. ganito kasi 'yan, agent pa lang ako, maangas na 'ko dahil ayoko nakikipag-usap sa mga taong walang kwenta, 'yung tipong ang yayabang wala namang alam. hindi ko naman sinasabi na napakatalino ko, sentido komon lang 'yan eh. ayoko sa mga taong nakikita muna 'yung mali mo bago 'yung sa kanila. alam ko mas masarap pag-usapan ang mali ng ibang tao, lalo na pag tama ka saka pag boring ang buhay mo. kaso, siguro dapat me reality check ka na nun. baka kelangan mo na'ng bumaba sa earth para nga me mangyari sa buhay mo nang hindi mo na pinapakialaman ang buhay ng iba.

'yun na nga: marami nang naiinis sa'kin agent pa lang ako. marami talagang maiinis sa'kin dahil sasabihin ko sa'yo kung ano'ng nasa utak ko at wala akong pakialam kung hindi mo ma-get basta hindi kita dinedehado, sasabihin ko 'yun kasi mahirap maging plastik. you can only pretend for so long and then it gets tiring. you have to be yourself. but then, if this is all you can ever be, then too bad for you. the English Only Policy is only an excuse for these people to hate me more for being true to myself because they can't. it's not my fault they're a bunch of charlatans. i am responsible only for my happiness, not other people's. i can't even find my own. at least now, me basis na. sabihin na lang nila, "yumabang na si Bels". i'm sorry, matagal na kaya akong mayabang. it's useless restating the obvious. magalit na ang magalit. hindi ko kasalanan kung makikitid ang utak ninyo. if you have a problem with the fucking English Only Policy, talk to my boss. in english ha? kasi he wouldn't waste so much money in promoting this program if he didn't believe it was feasible. otherwise, i'll just tell him, "you know what, screw it. it's a stupid idea. let's just issue disciplinary actions to people" besides, we work in a fucking call center, you SHOULD be speaking in english, even in your breaks unless you want to just keep on developing your wrong grammar and your carabao english while you talk to your american, british, australian customers. this is what gets the bills paid; electricity, water, phone, DSL, etc. so start trying to be good at it.

***

sabi ko kasi magtatagalog ako eh. kasalanan ko ba kung mas komportable ako magalit sa ingles. bata pa lang ako inglisera na 'ko, nang-e-edit na 'ko ng me maling grammar. pero ngayon ko lang talaga na-realize, asar na asar ako pag me nakakasabay akong konyo. promise. pero inglisera ako. ang weird di ba?

ang bait talaga ng boss ko, pinakabitan ako ng IM sa PC. at dahil ang bait sa'kin ng IT, me sound card din ako sa PC ko. di ba kapag ganun, wala ka dapat access? ako meron. me purpose naman kasi 'yung pagpapakabit niya nun, para di na niya ko ite-text, ia-IM na lang niya ko, di ba? tama naman. kaso nahanap ako nung pseudo-boyfriend ko na nasa abroad na ngayon.

bakit nga pseudo? kasi nung college ako, crush na crush ko siya. di naman kagwapuhan, matalino lang talaga saka mabait. nung mga time na second year college ako, ang wish ko, kung magkaka-boyfriend ako, siya na. pero hindi, ang niligawan 'yung best friend ko nung time na 'yun. tapos na 'yun, di ko na siya bet. kumbaga, tapos na, naka-move on na 'ko, iba na gusto ko. nagka-girlfriend pa nga ako, di ba? wala na sa'kin 'yun. ang nakakainis, ang kulit sa IM. as in, walang magawa sa trabaho niya sa abroad, wala sigurong makausap, kaya kahit alam niya na nasa trabaho ako, kinukulit ako.

okay lang naman, kaso, ako kasi pag nakikipagkulitan sa chat, ang gusto ko kausap 'yung di ko pa masyadong kilala para me kilig ng konti 'yung usapan dahil wala lang. pag me history na kayo tapos nagpapa-cute, mas nakakabwisit kesa nakakatuwa. ang hinahanap ko nga, intellectual intercourse eh, tapos ang bababaw ng pinag-uusapan namin. ayoko na balikan 'yung nakaraan kasi tapos na 'yun eh. ayokong pagbigyan ka kasi trip mo lang i-feed 'yung ego mo.

***
sana hindi ka mataray pag kausap kita, kasi hindi madali 'yung ginawa ko para sa'yo. hindi naman ako humihingi ng kapalit. pero sana lang, sensible kang kausap. akala ko malalim ka eh, kaya kita gusto. hindi mo ba kayang makipagsabayan sa'kin? ayaw mo 'ko kausap? ibig sabihin kaya ka lang mabait sa'kin kasi ginawa ko 'yun para sa'yo? on a normal day, we wouldn't be talking at all, is that it?

***
nagkita kami ng barkada ko, matagal ko na rin siya di nakita. mahal ko 'yung kaibigan ko na 'yun kahit na pakiramdam ko hipokrito siya. parati na lang niya ako pinagsasabihan na huwag na makipagrelasyon sa kapwa ko babae.tama naman siya. pero sana, kung pinagsasabihan niya ko, kasi Kristiyano siya, dapat hindi rin siya nakikipag-sex sa girlfriend niya outside the benefit of marriage. i don't like it when people lecture me on how to live my life when they can't even take off the mud on their faces. pero tama na'yan. hindi 'yan ang dahilan kung bakit ako nabubuwisit sa kanya. nagkakasundo kami kasi pareho kaming mahilig sa rock music so kapag me bago akong nakilala na banda, pinaparinig ko kaagad sa kanya 'yung kanta. nabwisit talaga ako kasi he wouldn't listen to the song because it's in Filipino. e di ba, Pilipino ka? hindi mo pakikinggan 'yung kanta kahit anong ganda niya kasi tagalog? eh pareho lang naman tayong kayumanggi. atsaka hindi ka kagwapuhan, sister. lalo pa'kong nainis kasi nilait mo 'yung mp3 player ko. kahit wala akong ipod, me pera akong pambili ng sarili kong kape, hindi katulad mo, me ipod ka nga, ako pa nanlilibre sa pang-Figaro mo. do not discriminate against a song, do not refuse to listen to music by your fellow Filipinos because you're a freaking Filipino. and get yourself your own coffee the next time.

***
hindi kita gusto. ayoko sa lalaking high-waisted mag-tuck-in. ang tanong, lalake ka ba? huwag mo akong itulad sa mga babaeng nakakabolahan sa phone kasi hindi nila alam kung ano ka talaga. ikaw 'yung tipo ng lalakeng ayokong makasama kasi hindi mo pa natatanggap sa sarili mo na bakla ka kaya ginagawa mo pa rin ang akala mong normal na gawain ng normal ng diretsong lalake. hindi mo ba naiisip na natatakot na silang lumapit sa'yo kasi ang hilig mong mang-akbay at mamisil ng kamay, not to mention, nangingindat ka pa. akala ko meron kang sakit. tigilan mo na ako. between you and a lesbian who will only break my heart and drain me emotionally, i'd go with the lesbian.

***
nanuod ako ng gig ng barkada ko. sana naisip niya na dahil siya lang ang kakilala ko dun, wala akong ibang kakausapin kundi siya. tama bang iwan ako? alam ko sikat ka na and everything pero sana maalala mo rin na nung crap pa sinusulat mo, andyan na'ko. saka, dude, i came all the way here just for you, i haven't had any sleep at all at magbe-birthday naman ako, sana sinamahan mo 'ko di ba? dahil kayo, isa, dalawang gabi lang kayong puyat. ako, trabaho ko magpuyat. kaya if i exerted some effort to watch your silly little gig, dahil magaling ka naman, at gusto ko rin 'yung tugtugan niyo at mahal kita, sana, di mo ko iniiwan. hindi madali 'yung ginagawa ko. because i didn't leave you when you needed me. i was there. you've had what, how many girlfriends? but 'm still here for you, asshole. but you, you never were there. you couldn't get me anything. why the hell are we still friends?

siguro tanga lang talaga 'ko. tulog na 'ko. i've whined long enough. i can sleep now.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

another year of what?

so it's the big 3-0. that's thirty. tatlumpo.

what do i have to show for? nothing much.

it's just another day. it's just another year.

my boss told me to disappear otherwise he'd make me work.

so i did.

i'm alone but i'm not lonely. although i could be happier.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

my hair is long, i don't know why.

so Boom, Pit and i were in a cab going to Cubao, after we left the gig for call center agents and we tell the cab driver we want to listen to another radio station, NU107, of course. and Russ Davis is the DJ. we request for troma's song, which he can't play because it's only for In The Raw (and Francis can't play it because he doesn't have the titles - but do request for it still, i'm gonna bug my honey till it hurts him ahehehe) so i request for something else.

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AND RUSS REMEMBERS THAT MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP AND GREETS ME!!!!

i love this guy!

people who remember you and your birthday and plays a song for you, when they're not even supposed to, that's touching. that's sweet. touch me!

***

so lesbian guy performs and he sings to me. he looks me straight in the eye while singing and points to me.

i would love to. but you know how this will go, right?

***

so Russell, look at my back.

that's it. admire my wonderful looking back.

***

bagay ba tayo? ayoko, crush ka na ng friend ko e.

pero okay ka. kung di ka lang niya type, type kita.
(are we good for each other? i don't want to because you're my friend's crush. but you're okay. if she didn't like you, i'd like you)

***

my friend Ace of bagetsafonik just recently launched their album at Saguijo bar. i'm featuring the demo version of Glued to the Groove here but i heard that the album version is much sexier. check it out and enjoy. =)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

what shouldn't come out of your mouth when you see your ex unexpectedly

So now, we know. If I were to see Russell in MY building, MY set of elevators, MY working hours, I’d lose. I’d totally lose. You can really tell when a person is unprepared to see his/her ex or not because you know they’d foul up when they do. no matter how many times you practice it in your head, if you're not ready to see your ex, YOU'RE NOT READY.

what the hell was he doing in MY building, MY elevators, MY working hours anyway? passing himself off again as a single guy with a kid?! has he gotten tired of wishing that all of the people in the planet have cancer so he can sell his medicine?

besides, whoever does ask me a stupid question is sure to get a sarcastic answer from me regardless. if you see that it is paper, and you know that it is paper, why bother ask?

i recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time . . . feel free . . .
wear it down, it feels so good
wait until the dusk settles

you live, you learn
you choke, you learn
you cry, you learn
you choose, you learn


i choose to be happy. i choose to forgive. i choose to forget.

it is much easier to forgive than to forget.

Russell = 1, Bels = 0